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Bad Day

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Bad Day

Okay, things could be worse!

If you do not laugh aloud after you read this, you are in a coma! This is
even funnier when you realize it is real! Next time you have a bad day at
work think of this person.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail
he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in
Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.

_____


Hi Sue,

Just another note, from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you have been feeling down
lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you
realize it is not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few
technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the
office. It is a wet suit. This time of the year the water is quite cool.

Therefore, what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered
industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out

of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down
to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I have used it several times with

no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my
whole suit with warm water. It is like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
Therefore, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I do not have any hair on my back, the jellyfish could not stick
to it however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched
what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the
crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear, due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically. I aborted the dive. I was
instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling
thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface; I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As
I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down
his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon
as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you are having a bad day at work, think about how much worse
it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to
yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
 

yankeefan21

Muckdog
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Would be much funnier if it were true and the author of this fictitious tale knew anything about diving. But I digress...

Have you heard the one about the scuba diver found burnt and broken in the middle of a forest? Yeah, he got scooped up by a wildland fire aircraft's water scoop and dropped on a forest fire. Almost as plausible!
 

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