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Friends with your ex

strandedx02

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This is just one of those things that I've always been curious about, as far as if it works for other people. It's always been kind of a mess for me, but maybe I'm just different. So what do you guys think? Would you even want to be friends with your ex?
 

Jimmy42Jack0

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been there, done that...its a case by case situation...but generally speaking...steer clear of exs
 

Izzie

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it all depends on how the break-up was (mutual, messy, etc.) personally, it's not my thing to stay friends because once i've crossed that line i can't seem to just go back and act like nothing happened. it's too emotionally draining. maybe after a long time.
 

strandedx02

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it all depends on how the break-up was (mutual, messy, etc.) personally, it's not my thing to stay friends because once i've crossed that line i can't seem to just go back and act like nothing happened. it's too emotionally draining. maybe after a long time.
Yeah that part sucks. I brought this up because like I said, I'm not friends with them...sometimes I feel kinda bad about that and sometimes I don't. Plus I handle that kinda stuff really badly so more than anything I was making it really hard to be friends, haha. Oh well, live and learn.
 

TheDon

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You can be friends with someone who was a "friend with benefits" but not with someone you were in a serious relationship with.

Generally speaking of course.
 

Passion

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Before I got engaged I only 'seriously' dated (i.e. more than a few weeks, more than a pump 'n go) one other girl.

I personally could never just be friends with that person.

People may disagree but unless it is true love or more than a crush people are more or less attracted to each other sexually and not mentally. Its the first thing we notice about another (could be as innocent as the hair, skin tone, etc) unless you meet in a confessional booth or a literal blind date. You may grow to like each others personalities and/or traits but if its a fling or a simple rushed crush there usually isn't much there beyond the original physical attraction to salvage a friendship that may have never existed in the 1st place.

The other girl I seriously dated as mentioned above became near psychotic when we broke up and called and harassed me for about 15 months after the break-up.

I wasn't one to just get back with someone when again, the original attraction was physical and even though I did like her other traits I would have never picked her as a friend or someone to hang out with, we were attracted to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend not as regular friends.

I think its good to have an amicable break-up but to more or less just end ties with the other person after that.

If you have classes or work in the same place try to keep it nice there, but otherwise just go separate ways.

So basically my main point is: You were together to date, not be friends, it won't change after that and it shouldn't be forced to magically happen.

You can be friends with someone who was a "friend with benefits" but not with someone you were in a serious relationship with.
Exactly.

There will be people at my own wedding that I had sexual relationships with in the past.
 

strandedx02

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There will be people at my own wedding that I had sexual relationships with in the past.
Alexis doesn't think that's weird? That seems like it'd make me uncomfortable but maybe that's why I'm not the one getting married, haha.
 

Passion

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There will be people at my own wedding that I had sexual relationships with in the past.
Alexis doesn't think that's weird? That seems like it'd make me uncomfortable but maybe that's why I'm not the one getting married, haha.
No, she knows everything about my past and she is completely fine with it.

There is nothing to me and any of those girls (note: it's only three total and all were on time non-passionate things) and Alexis is an extremely open-minded but strong woman. The past is the past and part of what has shaped me in our relationship and she wouldn't change that about me or try and have me erase things that I did before I even met her.
 

strandedx02

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There will be people at my own wedding that I had sexual relationships with in the past.
Alexis doesn't think that's weird? That seems like it'd make me uncomfortable but maybe that's why I'm not the one getting married, haha.
No, she knows everything about my past and she is completely fine with it.

There is nothing to me and any of those girls (note: it's only three total and all were on time non-passionate things) and Alexis is an extremely open-minded but strong woman. The past is the past and part of what has shaped me in our relationship and she wouldn't change that about me or try and have me erase things that I did before I even met her.
That's great, and also funny because what you are saying is pretty much the exact opposite of what I am trying to do. I think that to the extent things in the (somewhat recent...last few years) past have shaped anything about me, it's been in a negative way. So as much as I can clear my head of that stuff, it's a huge improvement.
 

Passion

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Depends what you bring away from the past situation.

In my case, from my past situations I knew that even though I did enjoy running through a bunch of girls, its not what I really wanted and it made when I found my match, that much more special and it helped me differentiate if this was just someone who attracted my dick or my heart and it was definitely the latter.

If I didn't have my past experiences who is to say I would have gone about my courtship (sounds corny but in this situation it was what I had to do) of the woman who will eventually be my wife.

Even if your past has a lot of negative relationships and decisions in it - if you change how you go about those similar situations in the future, it can only be a positive. It seems as if you recognize that and it will be to your benefit.
 

Dodge

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I am friends with only one of my exes and she is the only one I did not say "I love you" to.
 

pierremvp1

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I think the main issue to think about here is not "YOU".
The first question I'd ask is "Are there any children involved?"
If so, you should consider your responsibility towards them, over-riding any thoughts about YOU.
 

strandedx02

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I think the main issue to think about here is not "YOU".
The first question I'd ask is "Are there any children involved?"
If so, you should consider your responsibility towards them, over-riding any thoughts about YOU.
Are you talking to me (as the OP in this thread)? Um, I'm just a kid. No kids or anything. :thumbup

I haven't even had any recent breakups, this is just something I've always kinda been curious about with other people's experiences, because mine have not been very good in this regard.
 

SilverBullet

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an ex-girlfriend is just like an "ok" movie...

...you liked it at the time but you never really wanna see it again...

live by that and youll be ok... :thumbup
 

Javy88

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I've had only one serious girlfriend and we dated for almost two years. We try to be friends but we end up just hooking up and having sex every time we're at the same place at the same time.

I can't be the only one this happens to.
 

strandedx02

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I've had only one serious girlfriend and we dated for almost two years. We try to be friends but we end up just hooking up and having sex every time we're at the same place at the same time.

I can't be the only one this happens to.
Both of the "serious" relationships I've had (I'm questioning their real seriousness, but anyway) were long-distance, so that kinda thing wouldn't really happen. I used to care a lot about these people so like, it feels like I should want to be friends but it basically just dissolved into a ton of arguments.

And is this a big problem for you? I guess it would be if you want to be with someone else, right?
 

Javy88

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I've had only one serious girlfriend and we dated for almost two years. We try to be friends but we end up just hooking up and having sex every time we're at the same place at the same time.

I can't be the only one this happens to.
Both of the "serious" relationships I've had (I'm questioning their real seriousness, but anyway) were long-distance, so that kinda thing wouldn't really happen. I used to care a lot about these people so like, it feels like I should want to be friends but it basically just dissolved into a ton of arguments.

And is this a big problem for you? I guess it would be if you want to be with someone else, right?

We haven't really gotten over each other. We've had other relationships since then but we always seem to go back to each other. Chances are, we'll be back together someday, but we don't really get into it now. We just hook up and then act normal afterwards. Weird I know.
 

PhxPhin

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absolutely not - when I'm done i'm done - i have no interest in ever communicating again

once the decision is made there is nothing to gain in sticking around and playing friends

tons of people out in this world - many can become friends / more than friends - don't need to keep the worn ones around
 

Guest

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It never works. I was friends with a few of them but we would always end up hooking up so we could never be "just friends". It sucks so I just stay away now.
 

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