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Some blonde, some not

yenta

Muckdog
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It has been around before, but it's still good for laughs
, Rodney says:
>
> **My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
>
> **It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
>
> **Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a Sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
>
> **A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I Went over. Nobody was home!
>
> **A hooker once told me she had a headache.
>
> **I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
>
> **If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
>
> **I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate Myself now."
>
> **I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's When you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes Off.
>
> **I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex Offenders.
>
> **My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the Kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
>
> **I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for Mooning.
>
> **The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked "Why?"
> He said "Because you came home early."
>
> **My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
>
> **I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of- the-Loom guys giggling. >
> **My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. **
>
> **My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.
>
> **My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with.
>
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From: "Al Roth" Subject: Fw: BLONDE JOKES
Date: Thursday, May 24, 2007 11:36 AM

Two Blondes With Hammers... Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."


A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk To ask what it was.
The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

The blond replied..... ..."Two popsicles and some coffee."

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest."
"Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically."What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks.

"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!"
 

The_Godfather

Muckdog
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Rodney in the written word is just not the same. His stand up act is probably in the top 5 of all time.
 

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