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Report: Majority of Americans Unprepared for Apocolypse


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Report: Majority Of Americans Unprepared For Apocalypse

September 13, 2006 | Issue 42?37

 

WASHINGTON, DC?Over 87 percent of Americans are unprepared to protect themselves from even the most basic world-ending scenarios, according to a study released Monday by the nonpartisan doomsday think-tank The Malthusian Institute.

 

Despite "more than ample warning" for the most likely means of worldwide destruction, less than one million American households have taken even the simplest precautions against nuclear shockwaves, asteroid impact, or a host of angels bearing swords of fire, the study concluded.

 

 

Millions remain vulnerable to the all-devouring terror of Jesus' wrath.

 

"Our survey of households in seven U. S. regions demonstrated that few citizens have bothered to equip themselves with fireproof suits and extinguishers to deal with volcanic upheaval, solar flares, or the Lord's purifying flame," Malthusian Institute director James Olheiser said. "Almost no one is prepared for a sudden shift in the Earth's polarity or the eating of the Sun and moon by evil wolves Skol and Hati during Ragnarok."

 

Olheiser added: "All in all, America gets an 'F' for end-of-the-world preparedness."

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52708

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