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Who is Jack Schitt


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For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?


We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack

Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in

an intellectual way.


Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the

fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N.

Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.


In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple

produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull

Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.


Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a

high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt

divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids

were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was

then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.


Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son

with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the

other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable

throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in

a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced

the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,

Byrd, and Horse.


Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently

returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.


Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct





Crock O. Schitt

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