LITTLE JOHNNYS JOKES

1.After school one day, little Johnny came home and asked his mother what courting was. She couldn't exactly explain it, so she said, "watch your sister and her boyfriend tonite.

That night, little Johnny spied on his sister and her boyfriend on the couch, and the next morning told his mother what he saw.

He said, "Mommy, I found out wat courting is! Last night, sissie's boyfriend sat down on the couch with her. she must've been out of breath from their date, because her boyfriend was puttin his mouth an her's a lot. Then she must've been feeling sick, because her boyfriend put his hand under her shirt on her chest and was feeling all around. All that playing doctor must've madeher really hot because she took off her clothes and her boyfriend took off his pants. But whaddaya know! There was a huge snake in there! First sis tried to choke it, but it only made it bigger and angrier. Her boyfriend tried to muzzle on it, it was a plastic one that looked like a balloon. Then sis got smart and tried to put it in a scissor hold, so she spread her legs, but it got away. They both started moaning and groaning, and then sis tried to bite its head off! They were wrestling with that snake for hours, until finally, they killed it! It just lied there dead. But in a few minutes, it was back to life again! They tried the same things, and finally they killed it for good. It was limp and they got their clothes back on. Sissie's boyfriend took the muzzle off and threw it in the toilet."

2.One day these three kindergarten kids were out for recess. One of the little boys asked what they were going to do because he was getting bored. The other one agreed with him, so the third boy decided that they would have a contest to see whose dick was the biggest. The third little boy won.

That afternoon the boy's mama asked him what he had done at school that day,and he replied that him and his friends had a contest to see whose dick was the longest. His mama asked him who had won and he said that he did. He asked his mama why his dick was so long, and she replied maybe it is because you are twenty-six years old.

3.It was the end of the school year and the students were giving their teacher gifts. The teacher knew the profession od the kids' parents so she would guess what they got her. The florists daughter gave her a box, she put it over her head and shook it. "Are they flowers?" asked the teacher, the student replied, "how did you know?"

Then the candyshop son came with a box, she pur it over her head and said "Is it candy?" The student said "how'd you know!!"

Then the liquor store owner's son, Johnny, came and the teacher saw the box leaking. She put her tounge on it and sucked the juice and said "Is it wine?" Johnny shook his head.Then she licked it again, "Vodka?" Johnny replied "Nuh-uhn! It's a puppy!!!"

4.One day Little Johnny had to go to the bathroom so he asked the teacher. When he was in the bathroom he shitted. There was no toilet paper so he used his hand. When he got back the teacher said"What's in your hand." Johnny said "I have a little Leperchun and if I open my hands your'll scare him away." The teacher says go to the Princepal.The Princepal askes him what's in your hands. johnny says i have a little leperchan and if i open my hands your'll scare him away. So he sends him home and tells him to wait in his room for his father to come home. his dad says open your hands boy. johnny goes i can't cause if i do you'll scare my little leperchan away. His dad's goes open your hands right now. So johnny opens his hands and goes SEE DAD YOU SCARED THE SH*T OUT OF HIM!

5.Little johnny is seven years old and is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces,"Me and Janie are going to married!"

"Oh?" Says the mother. "And how old is Janie?"

"Five," replies the boy.

"Well," says the father,"what are you goin to do for money?"

"I get fifteen cents a week allowance," says Johnny, " and Janie gets ten cents. "We figured if we put it together we would be okay."

"I see," says the father."But what are you going to do if you have children?"

"Well," says Johnny,"so far we have been lucky."

6.See, there was this kid named Johnny Godeeper. His father happened to be the principal of the school he went to. So one day he goes to his teacher (who was a girl) and says, "Take off your clothes". She answers no. So Johnny says,"my dad is the principal and i'll tell him you are not doing what i say". So theteacher says ok and takes her clothes off. Jonny says, "Now lay on the desk". The teacher says no. Then Johnny says that whole long thing about his dad being the prinipal junk.So the teacher says ok and does so. Now Johnny starts to do her. (He has sex with her) Suddenly her mother comes in and yells, "Johnny Godeeper!" And he replies, "I'm trying as hard as I can!" So then his brother comes in and yells, "Johnny Godeeper!" and he replies, "I'm going, I'm going! Can't you see I'm trying?" Finally his dad comes in and screams,"Johnny Godeeper!" and he replies, "I can't go anymore. I went as far as I could!"

7.Little Johnny's father asks his son, now aged 10, if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny angrily answered.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. Little Johnny replied,

"Oh dad, at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech.

Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups

don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"

8.One day Little Johnny didn't want to go to school so he went to the lake to swim and he said i am getting bored.So little Johnny went home to change clothes.Then he went to school.The teacher asked ,Little Johnny why are you late?A big ass bowenconstricter bit my button off.So the teacher said Little Johnny I am getting tired of you telling lies now go to the prinicipal's office.So Little Johnny went to the prinicipal office.The prinicipal said let me tell you a story.One day I went hunting.I saw a deer,then I had saw an turkey,but my gun got jammed.I had to get my pocket knife and cut the turkey's head off.Then a big ass bear came and a little ole dog came and saved my life.Now, Little Johnny do you believe this story?Little Johnny said,"Hell yeah,thats my dog.

9.One afternoon , After the first day of school in kindergarden when little Johnny said his lastname was Humpharder. Therfore his name was Johnny Humpharder.The teacher and him were alone in the class room.

Johnny: Mrs.Teacher will you lay down on the desk for me please!!

Teacher: Absoulutly not!

Johnny: I'll tell the principle!

Teacher: Okay.(as she got on the desk)

Johnny: NOw take off your clothes or else!

Teacher: Okay(and took off her clothes)

Johnny: Can I get on top of you now?(as he took off his pants only)

Teacher: Why?

Johnny: I saw this on one of those documenteries that are labled with three X's like this:XXX!If you wont let me I'll tell,and you know what that means...you'll get fired.

Teacher: Fine

Johnny got on top of her and started humping her as Johnny's mom came in the classroom to pick him up.

Mom: Johnny Humpharder!!!!!!

Johnny: I'm trying , I'm trying!!!

Mom: Johnny Humpharder!!!!!!

Johnny: I'm trying , I'm trying!!!

10.There was this boy named Little Johny and he was in school and his teacher decides that the class is going to play this game where she holds something behind her back and she describes what it is and they have to see if they can guess what it is-so she says i have someting kind of long and it is yellow-so a girl stands up and says its a pencil and she says no its a banana but i like the way your thinking-then she keeps going on describing different things and then this little boy named Johnny stood up and goes i got one for you and he reaches in his pocket and says i have something round ,hard, and it has a head-his teacher says go to the office -and Johnny says its a quarter -but i like the way your thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11.The Period

Little Johnny's teacher told the class that they each have to come up in front of the class and tell something interesting that happened over the weekend.

When it was Johnny's turn he walked up to the chalk board and put a dot.

The teacher asked "What is that?"

Johnny answers "A period."

"I can see that," replied the teacher."But what is so interesting about a period?"

Then Johnny answers "I'm not exactly sure but Saturday my sister didn't get her's and my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and my neighbor shot himself."

12.Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom

tried this new method with 6 steps:

1. Unbutton pants

2. Pull pants down

3. Pull foreskin back

4. Pee

5. Push foreskin forward

6. Pull pants up and button

She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny

going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.

Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

13.It was little Johnnys birthday and he father told him he could go down town and buy him bib overalls, boots, and a nice piece of ass.

So Johnny was on his way to the store, and his grandma came out and said "Happy Bithday little Johnny, where are you going?" He happy replied " Im going to the store to get me some bib overalls, boots, and a nice piece of ass" Hes granny asked him to come in for a min, before he went to the store. He went in, and came out about 15 min.

He went home and his father asked " Why are you home so early?" He said "Well I was on my way to go get my biboveralls, boots and a bice piece of ass, and I seem grandma and she invited me in" His father asked what she said and he replied " Well she gave me biboveralls, boots, and a nice piece of ass"

"Son your f***ing my mom!!!"

hes son spoke up and said " Your f***ing mine!!"

14.little johnny walks into a bar and says hi i am genie and i will grant you 2 wishes and i will keep the last one. the bartender says okay i want a million dollars for a year the rest of my life, he says okay. and my second wish is a lot of beautiful women all over me a different one everyday. okay and the genie says and my wish is since i haven't had a women in years i need your wife for 2 hours. the bartender says okay since i will get all of this after it's over. about two hours later the genie ask the wife how old is your husband she says 35 he says and he still believe in genies.

15.There once was a little boy named johny. And he was talking a walk down the street,he found something on the road he was not sure what it was. Then this man came running towards him out of breath and said hey kid that is mine.Then little Johny said oh well i found it first and the older man was getting mad becuse that was a condum and he needed it then he rememders he has a loney in his pocket and says hey little boy i will give you this loney if i can have that hum that donnut.Then little johny replied ok. So next thing you know little johny was right at his house and he walked in and he had a really big smile on his face and little johny's mom said why are you so happy then johny replied because this man on the street gave me this loney for this donnut i had but what he does not know i licked all the jelly out.