Jump to content

The Brushback.com


Flamarlins3
 Share

Recommended Posts

Well one of my friends found this site the other day. Don't know if many of you know about it but it is similar to Onion.com that was around for a while except all sports stories. They basically once a week make up about 4 or 5 stories about recent happenings and make them seem like they actually happened. Anyways I found it pretty funny so thought I would share.

 

www.thebrushback.com

 

Here are some articles from past issues:

 

"Fat Girl Accidentally Included In Beer Commercial"

 

"Christ Becomes Free Agent, Signs Deal With Satan"

 

"Lack Of Porn Forces Man To Masturbate To WNBA Game"

 

"Disciplinarian Parcells Kills Two Rookies With Bare Hands"

 

"A-Rod To be Traded To Yankees For Jason Giambi And Derek Jeter, Says Totally Unreliable Source"

 

"Long Home Run Causes Chris Berman?s Head To Explode"

 

"Report: Pussies Less Likely To Use Steroids"

 

"Scott Boras Demands $35 Million To Rescue Drowning Child "

 

"Die-Hard Yankee Fan Psyched To Have Lou Gehrig?s Disease"

 

"Archie Manning Asks NFL Defensemen Not To Tackle His Son"

Link to comment
Share on other sites


hah.. this one's pretty good actually. cuz it's so.. realistic

Local Fans Have Special Bond With Incredibly Successful Team

 

MIAMI, FL--You can see it stuck on car bumpers and emblazoned on T-shirts. You can hear it on talk radio and in every corner bar. The state of Florida is abuzz with excitement over the Cinderella Florida Marlins.

 

The sudden surge in popularity for the Marlins has taken some in the area by surprise. The fans have taken such a liking to the team that even the beloved Dolphins have become second fiddle. It?s hard to explain why, but the people of Florida have a special bond with their incredibly successful team.

 

?These fans have really embraced us,? says catcher Ivan Rodriguez. ?Everywhere we go, they greet us with open arms. It?s really amazing. I don?t know what it is. There?s just something about this team and this city I guess. Maybe it?s the fact that we?re going to the World Series.?

 

The turnaround for the Florida Marlins and their fans has been spectacular. A year ago, the Marlins were in such dire straits that they were a candidate for contraction. Fan support was at an all-time low, and Pro Player Park resembled a mausoleum more than a baseball field. The city of Miami barely acknowledged they had a baseball team, and didn?t bat an eyelash when told of the possibility of contraction.

 

?The past few years have been tough,? said second basemen Luis Castillo. ?The fans here, they didn?t really like us. I don?t know why. For some reason there just wasn?t any chemistry with us and the city. I can?t explain what?s happened this year, but they?ve really taken a liking to us. They just understand us, I guess. We?ve got great personalities.?

 

So great is the fans? affection for this team that every post season game has been a sellout. Pro Player Park has become one of the most exciting places to watch a game and the homefield advantage is second to none. The love affair between this special team and the city of Miami continues to grow each day.

 

?With each win, they love us even more,? says outfielder Jeff Conine. ?It?s really uncanny. It almost seems like there?s some kind of connection between our success on the field and their deep respect and admiration for us. With every win, it?s just gets stronger. The relationship between this team and these fans sure is special.?

 

To appreciate the unique bond between the team and the fans, one only has to look to the state?s other Major League Baseball franchise, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The Rays have little to no fanbase and the city seems to have disdain for the franchise that?s unexplainable. Attendance is lowest in the league and has been for the last three years. Members of that ballclub scratch their heads when asked to ponder the success of the Florida Marlins.

 

?I just don?t get it,? says Rays outfielder Rocco Baldelli. ?We?ve been here just as long as the Marlins have, and we can?t seem to draw any fan interest. I really don?t feel much of a bond between us and the fans, and its shame because we?re really a nice bunch of guys. Its almost like they choose to support an incredibly successful team over an incredibly bad team. I don?t know. It?s probably just my imagination.?

 

But studies show that it?s not. According to the Center for Sports in Society, incredibly successful teams endear themselves to their fans much more easily than terrible ones. The phenomenon can not easily be explained but there certainly does seem to be a pattern.

 

?If you look at the team?s with the most affectionate fanbases, almost all of them are good to excellent teams,? says Dr. Phil Kirkpatrick of the CSS. ?So when fans say that they can ?relate? to a ballclub or ?identify? with them, they may just be reacting to their success. As far as we can see, nobody has every claimed to identify with a bunch of suck-ass losers.?

 

That conclusion has struck a chord with many in Major League Baseball. The phenomenon of fans only liking good teams has been experienced by several major league teams, one of which is the Minnesota Twins.

 

Says Centerfielder Torii Hunter: ?I always wondered why we have such a great relationship with the fans now, whereas a few years ago they seemed to hate us. I always just thought that the guys on the team now are just really nice guys, and people appreciate that. But this whole thing is starting to make sense now. Perhaps they?re so enamored with us because we?re pretty good now.?

 

Nowhere has a team experienced so many ups and downs in fan acceptance than the city of Boston. The Red Sox are an obsession with many in the Boston area, and the attitude of the fans can change just as fast as the New England weather.

 

?When you?re winning, the fans just love you here,? said shortstop Nomar Garciaparra. ?It?s amazing. If you?re hot, they are cheering you all the time, saying nice things to you in public, the writers write articles about what a swell person you are and stuff. But when you?re losing, it?s like you?re a totally different person. It?s like ?f*** off, Nomar!? I never really made the connection till now. I think people like winning teams better.?

 

To confirm their theory, the folks from the CSS came up with a test designed to gauge fans? attitudes towards their favorite teams. The results were quite telling. One test subject, a 24-year-old Miami resident named Jack, agreed to be kept in the dark about the results of the Marlins-Cubs Game 7. He was then asked several questions about how he felt about the Marlins as a team, and as human beings.

?Oh those guys are just great,? Jack said. ?I really love their personalities, their never-say die attitudes, their determination ? I can really relate to those guys. They really are the people?s team.?

 

When told that the Marlins lost to the Cubs and were ousted from the playoffs, Jack had this to say:

 

?Oh, those f***ers. I hate those f***ing sons of bitches. Screw them. I hope they contract the bunch of sissies.?

 

If Jack is any indication, Dr. Kirkpatrick was right.

 

?Oh, we?ve definitely found a pattern here. I think if teams want to be adored by their fans, their best bet is to not suck. Winning, for some reason, just makes people more affectionate.?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This thread is quite old. Please consider starting a new thread rather than reviving this one.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share



×
×
  • Create New...