This Is True

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THIS is TRUE for 23 January 2004 Copyright www.thisistrue.com

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AND JUSTICE FOR ALL: It was the "jury pool from hell," says Memphis,

Tenn., defense attorney Leslie Ballin. When the jury was asked if any

of them had been convicted of any crimes, many hands went up. One

admitted he was arrested after he "almost shot" his nephew because the

boy wouldn't come out from under his bed. Another volunteered, "I'm on

morphine and I'm higher than a kite" -- and walked out. A third said he

was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer on

prostitution decoy duty. "I should have known something was up," the

man said, since "she had all her teeth." After finally seating a jury,

Ballin's client was found not guilty. (AP) ...Though most of the jury

was locked up afterward.

UNDER THE SPOTLIGHT: Antwerp, Belgium, has installed new lights along its

waterfront, and they're so bright they're generating complaints -- from

hookers. "We had some remarks from the prostitutes that there was too

much light, both for them and the clients," says city spokesman Jorn

Verbeeck. The city is happy to cooperate. "We are investigating the

possibility of lowering the light there," he says. (Reuters) ...And if

that doesn't work, they'll try putting red lenses on them.

VIRTUAL COLLECTION PLATE: Police in Edmonton, Alta., Canada, are

investigating a man who sells "guaranteed admission into heaven" for

C$20 (US$16.35). The man's web site says the certificate works without

"need for confessions or penance." It's "obviously a scam," says

detective Mark Johnson of the economic crimes unit. (Edmonton Sun)

...Sure, but it'll be interesting to see him try to prove that in

court.

UNDERSTATEMENT, DEFINED: Reno, Nev., police report that a man called 911

for help when he couldn't stop the bleeding from an at-home surgery.

Castration. That he performed on himself. The unnamed 50-year-old man

learned the procedure on the Internet, and he did it to "decrease his

libido," a police spokesman says. "The man obviously needs some sort of

counseling." (Reno Gazette-Journal) ...Maybe, though he wasn't

screaming as much as the cops who found him.

HORROR STORY: "Clinic Asks Politicians to Donate Sperm" -- Reuters

headline; "Woman Pregnant with Wrong Sperm Gives Birth" -- Reuters

headline, 4 minutes later