Baseball Money War Heats Up

 

A cold war between the Yankees and the Red Sox has heated up.

 

The Red Sox are holding onto their historic offense, building up their pen by resigning Timlin, acquiring Antonio Osuna, and possibly acquiring Foulke. They also acquired Schilling, giving them the best one two punch of all of baseball with Pedro-Curt.

 

However, the Yanks struck back by signing Gary Sheffield (after a MVP caliber season) to fill their "hole" in right field, signed Kenny Lofton to replace the hole in center field's defense as Bernie Williams will be moved to DH, resigned Heredia and acquired Gordon and Quantrill so with the return of Karsay the Yankee bullpen will be invincible, and lastly to counter the Schilling offensive, the Yankees traded for Javier Vazquez.

 

The war is now in the Yankees favor, so how will the Red Sox respond? Will they trade for Alex Rodriguez? Who knows! However, the tide has definitely turned against them. As the Red Sox payroll heads over the luxury Tax threshold and the Yankees Payroll moves into Alex Rodriguez long term contract territory, these big spenders seem to forget that the thrifty Florida Marlins were the ones who won the World Series! In fact, the team with the highest payroll has won the World Series less so than teams with lower payrolls as of late. The teams with the highest payrolls, the Yankees, Mets, Dodgers, and Rangers, had a World Series loser, two last place teams, and a team with the second worst offense in the majors. Nevertheless, the big spenders keep spending, and Steinbrenner has grown wary of Cashman, because he has not been extreme enough.

 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS

 

 

George Steinbrenner Acquires the Island Nations Of Cuba and Domincan Republic

 

After attempting to acquire every peice of foreign talent exempt from the baseball draft, George Steinbrenner, in a shocking 14 billion dollar deal now owns the rights to every Cuban and Dominican male between the ages of 16 to 46 years old.

 

Domincan prime minister Pierre Charles said, "I believe the Dominican Republic has much to offer major league baseball, and the Yankees in particular."

 

Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro said, "Cuba has the finest athletes, and I will do anything to jumpstart my crappy economy, but hey, we still have universal healthcare...Of course, everyone is malnourished and poor, but we can get you in and out with a band-aid pretty fast."

 

When asked whether buying so many people is reminiscent of the days of slavery, Steinbrenner retorted, "This is not slavery, this is simply controlling the means of production."

 

Theo Epstein in a murderous rage killed Manny Ramirez by breaking a chair over his head after he bought all the hotel rooms in Cuba and Hispanola in an attempt to woo the countries into signing with the Red Sox. Manny's death freed up enough payroll to buy Panama.

 

When asked to comment on this acquisition, he said, "Panama has many great players like Mariano Rivera...and Ruben Rivera. I believe that we have the resources to compete with the Yankees, and we spent a total of 11 billion dollars less in the process."

 

Meanwhile, the Atlanta Braves are cutting payroll looking towards their 13th straight postseason appearance and Billy Beane plots to take the west yet again with the change he stole from a Salvation Army Santa.

 

 

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The Red Sox have just as much money and are willing to spend it.

The Red Sox have just as much money and are willing to spend it.

They'll sign folke, but I personally would be surprised to see them go over the lux. tax threshold.

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