July 14, 200422 yr SHAQ ON MOUND? The Marlins might need Shaq even more. Florida could use a fifth starter, right? ''He'd intimidate a lot of people on the mound, we know that,'' Marlins GM Admin Beinfest noted Tuesday from the All-Star Game in Houston. The team needs to add a big bat, too. And who would have a bigger bat than Shaq? By merely being proportioned to his body, the bat would be the size of an oar. He would project as a first baseman. ''It'd be tough to overthrow him,'' Marlins infield coach Perry Hill said matter-of-factly. ''I would just tell everyone to throw it high. We know he can jump. But would we have enough material to make his uniform?'' haha . He's also going to be playing for the Dolphins and Panthers... NEW TIGHT END We checked in with the Dolphins first. You remember the Dolphins. They used to be The Franchise around here before Shaq Ate Miami. I don't wanna say the Dolphins could use some help, but, when Miami last celebrated a Super Bowl win, Shaq was not quite 2. He was barely 6 feet tall! At 7-1 and 340 -- with his size 21EEE shoes inhabitable by small families and dwarfing the 16s of present Dolphin bigfoot Tim Bowens -- Shaq would project as a left tackle or tight end, general manager Rick Spielman told us Tuesday. ''But he'd have to catch better than he shoots free throws,'' deadpanned the GM, who added there would be worries over a football player that big. For example: ''I'd be concerned about him beating up our guys in a pickup basketball game.'' Dolphins defensive end Adewale Ogunleye pictured Shaq as a tight end. ''That'd be ridiculous. I don't even know how you'd game-plan a guy like that,'' Ogunleye said. ''I just hope coaches would devise some type of scheme where I wouldn't have to go against him one on one. That'd be unfair. His hands are bigger than a football! Only thing is, can he take a hit? He might get chopped like a tree.'' Alas, the Dolphins will be unable to sign Shaq. ''We already signed Kazaam,'' revealed Spielman. ''So we'd be over the cap.'' ULTIMATE ENFORCER Well, then, let's try the Panthers. Everybody talks about how our NHL team isn't big or tough enough. Voila! OK, technically, Shaq can't skate. So what! He's that good. Instant enforcer. ''His chest comes up to your head,'' noted Panthers left wing Darcy Hordichuk. ''You'd throw him in front of the net and you couldn't move him. A lot of guys would be pretty timid of going into the corners with him. It would be the funniest thing to see.'' Hordichuk, by the way, is considered a tough guy, an enforcer. His hobby is boxing. He is 6-1 and 215. Shaq has lawn jockeys bigger than that. Hordichuk opined O'Neal ''would stop a lot of guys from playing in the NHL.'' Funny article. http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/9151393.htm
July 14, 200422 yr Just sit him in the dugout for whenever there is a brawl. 458263[/snapback] i think tyson would be better for that role. just have him sitting in the dugout with that hannibal mask and a straight jacket and then just let him loose if needed. shaq would have a big ass strike zone. damn
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