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J E W I S H H A I K U


yenta
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After the warm rain

 

the sweet smell of camellias.

 

Did you wipe your feet?

 

*****

 

Her lips near my ear,

 

Aunt Sadie whispers the name

 

of her friend's disease.

 

*****

 

Today I am a man.

 

Tomorrow I will return

 

to the seventh grade.

 

*****

 

Testing the warm milk

 

on her wrist, she sighs softly.

 

But her son is forty.

 

*****

 

The sparkling blue sea

 

reminds me to wait an hour

 

after my sandwich.

 

*****

 

Lacking fins or tail

 

the gefilte fish swims with

 

great difficulty.

 

*****

 

Like a bonsai tree,

 

your terrible posture

 

at my dinner table.

 

*****

 

Beyond Valium,

 

the peace of knowing one's child

 

is an internist.

 

*****

 

Jews on safari --

 

map, compass, elephant gun,

 

hard sucking candies.

 

*****

 

The same kimono

 

the top geishas are wearing:

 

I got it at Loehmann's.

 

*****

The shivah visit:

 

so sorry about your loss.

 

Now back to my problems.

 

****

 

Mom, please! There is no

 

need to put that dinner roll

 

in your pocketbook.

 

*****

 

Seven-foot Jews in

 

the NBA slam-dunking!

 

My alarm clock rings.

 

*****

 

Sorry I'm not home

 

to take your call. At the tone

 

please state your bad news.

 

*****

 

Is one Nobel Prize

 

so much to ask from a child

 

after all I've done?

 

*** **

 

Today, mild shvitzing.

 

Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.

 

Five-day forecast: -- feh!

 

*****

 

Passover

 

Left the door open

 

for the Prophet Elijah .

 

Now our cat is gone.

 

*****

 

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.

 

Schlemiel. Schlimazel. Meshuganah

 

Oy! To be fluent!

 

*****

 

Quietly murmured

 

at Shabbatt services:

 

Cubs 5, White Sox 3.

 

*****

 

A lovely nose ring,

 

excuse me while I put my

 

head in the oven.

 

****

 

Hard to tell under the lights.

 

White Yarmulke or

 

male-pattern baldness.

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Playing the dreidel

Do parents give the kids gelt,

or eternal guilt?

 

In the synagogue

homosexual cantor

read from right to left

(that one is personal to my temple)

 

 

 

What is your last name?

Goldstein, Goldfarb, Rosenberg?

No, it's Walansky.

 

A Jew from Cuba

A Jew from North Africa

A Jew named Lefty.

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