January 28, 200323 yr A MOTHER'S DICTIONARY AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am also. DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside. DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own. PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms. PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours. STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. VERBAL: Able to whine in words WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out. WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house. WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
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