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Jeter Interview

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Interview with Derek Jeter

Derek Jeter


Released to the public for the first time, finally, mlb.com reporter Dominic Parsons asks Jeter the tough questions about Steroids, the A-Rod trade, the chances of the Yankees, and much more.


mlb.com: Derek Jeter, how are you?


Derek Jeter: Great.


mlb.com: I have to ask you a bunch of questions, and I need them answered immediately...


DJ: sure.


MLB: Who is your daddy and what does he do?


DJ: He is a big fat ass, why do you need to know that?


MLB: Because we have to ask you a bunch of small questions before I ask anything worth answering.


DJ: Okay, just ask your last small question.


MLB: What do you think of Joe Torre?


Joe Torre


DJ: I think he's great, he handles all of the clubhouse personalities very well by completely ignoring us, it's great he stays out of the way now.


MLB: Good, now, I must ask you, what do you think about the Steroid controversy, you know your teammates Gary Sheffield and Jason Giambi have been named on the list of players.


DJ: I know nothin' about steroids.


MLB: What? come again.


DJ: Lets put it this way, they are only calling out Gary [sheffield] because he is black, if he was white no one would care. Plus, look at [Jason] Giambi, come on, Derek Jeter's heavier than Jason Giambi right now.


MLB: Okay, so we must ask you, how do you think the team's chemistry is going to be affected?


DJ: Chemistry? Too many big personalites on this team, getting Kenny Lofton, Gary Sheffield, and Tom Gordon was great, but come on Paul Quantrill, Alex Rodriguez, and Kevin Brown? This is Derek Jeter's team, there is not enough room for everybody.


MLB: So, since you have brought up Alex Rodriguez, what did you think of the trade?


DJ: Ahhh, f***ing Steinbrenner has no confidence in me anymore. The b***h goes out and trades for Alex Rodriguez and EXPECTS ME TO MOVE? Hell no, Derek Jeter moves for no one, not Omar Vizquel, not Barry Larkin, not ANYONE. Then Alex tells me over the phone how sorry he is and that how he will play third base and I said, "Sure b***h, just stay the hell out of the way when I want to make a play in the hole." So when Alex sighed, I knew the deal would get done and it was. I still hate the bastard, but it's great, now I can get hurt and go on the 60 day DL and Derek Jeter's team will still win the world series.


MLB: So, how good do you think your rivals, the Boston Red Sox got?


DJ: They got good, but we got better. Kenny Lofton and Gary Sheffield will give this team the soul it lacked since Rondell White was traded for that other black guy...


MLB: Bubba Trammel is white.


DJ: s*** biotch, I thought he had a disease.


MLB: Okay, now, what plans do you think the Yankees have for the future?


DJ: I can imagine Steinbrenner making some trades and solidying every position including second base, it isn't like Joe Torre has any patience for the kids in the minors anyway. So, to fill that hole in second base, Steinbrenner can sign Nomar Garciaparra to that 4 year 72 million dollar deal he deserves, then to sign free agent Edgar Renteria for center field because my boy Bernie just can't run to save his life anymore. After that, since the Baltimore Orioles created such a financial burden by signing Miguel Tejada to a nearly untradable long term deal, he'll suit up his pinstripes and play first base. Then, to solidify the corner outfield position, big Stein can go sign free agent Orlando Cabrera, and use our last prospects Navarro and Duncan and trade for Jose Reyes for left field. Also, Steinbrenner can obtain the ultimate battery combination, Alex Gonzalez and Alex Gonzalez.


MLB: Well, who would be the designated hitter then?


DJ: Mike Bordick, the man is a professional, he would make a great designated hitter.


Derek Jeter's all star team


MLB: One last question, do you think you will ever move from shortstop?


DJ: No, I am a shortstop, and since I have more rings than Alex [Rodriguez], have played here a little longer, and am much more skilled defensively than him, I ain't movin' nowhere. I don't care if it is Cal Ripken on the team, Derek Jeter is the Yankees shortstop, if I played anywhere else I won't be able to go to the hall of fame. I wish Alex Rodriguez the best of luck, he should just stay the f*** out of my way, this is Derek Jeter's team.


Joe Torre was busy deciding if either Giambi or Sheffield is to be the Yankees' lead off man and was unavailable for comment.


In other news:


Red Sox utility player Samus Aran ditches the Red Sox. Lucchino remarks, "s***, we shouldn't of gave her that guarenteed signing bonus, this reminds me of what Dave Nielson did last year."


In order to soften this loss, the Red Sox have contacted the agent of right handed pitcher Jose Canseco to shore up the bullpen.



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