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Do It Your Self Series: Cleanse The Human Race!




"If you actually needed to take the time and read all of this, please kill yourself so your vile seed does not corrupt the rest of the human race. Thanks, The Sheraton Staff"


I could not believe it when my friend handed me his hotel key that had instructions on HOW TO OPEN A DOOR KNOB. How god damn dumb can people be that they cannot open a door? I'm sorry, if you are too stupid to open a door, go f*** yourself.


These sort of people are ruining our race. They are the ones that make crappy decisions in politics, sue everyone in creation, and do not vote. Because I do not believe in the systematic killing of people, those who believe in making the world a better place should either cut their balls off, get a hysterectomy, or just kill themselves so as R. Lee Ermey put it, "don't contaminate the rest of the human race."


How do you know you fit the criteria of "dumb enough to make the human race better by not existing"? See if you are one of the following:


1. One of those jerks who needs labels for EVERYTHING


I cannot stand the dopes who need to know not to put a child safety seat backwards, how to use a can opener or toilet, how to open a microwave or door, why not to touch a light bulb, how to ingest not a bottle full of medicine, and ect. People, if you are so damn stupid that you need labels for everything, maybe you do not deserve to live. I have two easy solutions to this. One is that I advocate the voluntary suicide of these people. Secondly, we must get rid of all warning labels, so they're stupidity will result in their harm or death. This way, they get hurt and learn their lesson or they die, so their stupidity gene does not get passed on to future generations.


2. Drive after doing drugs and or drinking


People, how god damn long has it been drilled into our heads that drugs inhibit our ability to drive and by driving under the influence, you put others at risk? You would think that the majority of call car accidents are caused by drunks would be enough to make people stop. We should make drunk only highways and let nature do the rest.


3. Do not use turning signals


Maybe the easiest thing on Earth, next to farting, is using a turning signal...yet NO ONE DOES. Take your god damn pinkie, move it half a centimeter, and bam a driving signal. Was that so hard dip s***?


4. Go to the beach all the damn time


Hmmm, I have water in my house and I have sun outside...let's fly 8,000 miles away so we can go somewhere with sun AND sunlight. Oh my God, isn't that the best idea ever devised in history? The scary part is that people do this all the damn time. Why? By wasting money on stupid things, the middle class feels like an aristocrat, maybe just for a little while. So by taking out that second mortgage so you can go to Aruba makes you so rich, how about your sky high interest payments? Please people, a beach has waves, you can swim, and you can get tan...IT IS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.


5. Think massages are a necessity of life


I never got a massage in my life and just to spite the whole masseuse profession I plan on never getting one. Massages are not healthy, people go to chiropractors to deal with their back problems. Massages merely feel good...that's it. Yet I have to hear people say, "Oh, I really NEED a massage" or "I truly do need massages, I have a bad back." No, you are just a spoiled moron. My back hurts all the damn time, quit your b***hing because all you care about is getting a back rub, stop trying to make it sound like it is for health reasons.


6. Kill/maim people


This is pretty easy folks...these are the kind of people we do not want in our society. Kill them.


7. E-thug


What is with all these people that think they are so cool on the internet? I mean, wow you wrote a smiley that rolls its eyes, you're so damn smart. Then you get these people with personal vendettas that follow you around and flaunt how they are the ultimate e-gangsta on the block. BEWARE THEY MIGHT "CAPS" YO' ASS MOFO!


8. Go to stupid rallies for no reason


To see if you fit this criteria, read my article about Hillary's rally a little while back


9. Say you are not materialistic, but want everything on Earth


"Oh, I'm not materialistic, but I want a Manhattan penthouse, with millions of dollars, and space vacations to the International Space Station."


...enough said.


10. You believe in global warming/are going to vote for Bush


There is no reason for either...not one good one. Yet the majority of the country want both. Get educated about the issues or stop contaminating the human race.


11. You are a lazy ass who thinks it is everyone else's fault that you are a lazy failure and waits until the last second to get anything done


I have had it with these people. Everyone is supposed to feel compassion for that jerk who "could not get the paper done on time" or that guy who "was oppressed his whole life, we cannot blame him for being unemployed." People, the only way to get anything done in life is to work. Sitting on your lazy ass does not accomplish anything. Justifying laziness is almost just as bad...I'm not sure if this trait is passed on genetically however.


12. You want "equity" in baseball


Here's the typical baseball fan: There is no equity in baseball, we need a salary cap! The Yankees win the World Series every year. God damn it, what! I just lost my job? I hate immigration!


People, the MARLINS just won the World Series. Furthermore, these same people do not like immigrants getting their jobs, so why are they against a team fairly just spending a crap load of money not caring about anyone else? You are commie hypocrites, shut up.


13. If you are Communist


This might be the single dumbest ideology ever devised in the history of man kind.


"Hmmm, man is very violent, always robbing from the weak and taking things from one another. Let's redistribute all the wealth and stop that from happening!"


Newsflash, communism does not get rid of greed, which is as close as genetically passed on in all homo sapiens as you can get. We are all greedy to some extent, if you just steal everyone's possesions and give to someone else, the same exact crap happens all over again.




14. If you happen to be a politician


The majority of you can do us all a favor from dissappearing. First to go: All the Kennedys, Kerry, Bush, Gore, and that phoney McCain.


15. If you do not vote (and you are eligible)


These are the same jerks that complain about every policy in the book and say, "My vote does not make the difference." Only about 50% of registered voters vote during presidential elections, 20% during Congressional elections, and that still leaves the majority of the country not voting (because they are not registered.) The remaining 4% of the country that votes, over 3% is over 65 years old, thus our government keeps passing medicaid laws and continues to go on with the Social Security fiasco. Old people do not two craps about us, the whole world can blow up for all they care, as long as it happens after they die.


I do not want these people to vote however. If you are too dumb to vote, you better believe I do not want your dumb decision making playing a hand in American politics.


I am sure there are others, but I would be giving stupid people too much credit by naming them all.



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