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Bad jokes


Jiggy
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Two muffins are baking in the oven. One turns to the other and says "It's sure hot in here, isn't it?"

 

The other one: OMG I'm A talking muffin!"

 

*

Q: Why did the boy fall off his bicycle?

A: Because someone threw a refrigerator at him

 

Q: What's six feet long, three feet wide, green on top, brown on the bottom, and would really really hurt you if it jumped out of a tree?

A: A billiard table

 

*

Q: What's yellow and sits in the corner?

A: A naughty bulldozer.

 

*

Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

 

Why'd the frog fall out of the tree?

It was stapled to the monkey

 

 

 

*

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

 

 

 

 

*

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One, but only if the lightbulb really wants to change.

 

*

Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes up and flashes them.

The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, but the third one doesn't touch him.

 

*

What's green and has wheels?

Grass (I lied about the wheels)

 

*

Two Al Qeda terrorists are driving through Baghdad, on their way to blow up some coalition forces. Abdul turns to Achmed and says, "What if the bomb in the backseat blows up before we get there?" Achmed replies, "Don't worry, I've got a spare in the trunk."

 

 

 

*

Why do farts smell?

So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

 

*

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,

then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy"

 

*

Two fish are in a tank

One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive"

 

 

 

 

*

Old lady goes to see the doctor. Doctor asks her what's wrong.

"Well, Doctor, I seem to be passing a lot of gas, but they're silent and oderless. In fact, I've passed 3 times since you've come in the room."

 

"Here's a prescription. Come see me in a week."

 

The next week, the lady comes back.

 

"Doctor, I've still got the gas, but now they smell terrible!"

 

"Good. We've got your sinuses cleared up. Now we need to work on your hearing."

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,

then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy"

 

:lolup

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