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Things my mother taught me


cgator
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My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

 

My mother taught me RELIGION:

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next

week!"

 

My mother taught me LOGIC:

"Because I said so, that's why."

 

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

 

My mother taught me IRONY:

"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

 

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

 

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

 

My mother taught me about STAMINA:

"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

 

My mother taught me about WEATHER:

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

 

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen

then?"

 

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

 

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

 

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

"Stop acting like your father!"

 

My mother taught me about ENVY:

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have

wonderful parents like you do!"

 

THANKS, MOM !

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