September 1, 200422 yr LMAO... There is Eagle, Colo., where Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant is warming up to stand trial for rape. According to legal reporters, about 300 potential jurors have been rustled into the courtroom for interviews. More than 100 of these candidates were wearing Miami Heat jerseys. They were excused by the defense team, which has a more formidable inside game than the Lakers. The other 200 jury candidates had literary agents. For the record, this jury-selection process includes a courthouse tap dance called voir dire, which is French (I think) for "let's find a bunch of people who live in tree houses." This week, the 12 men and women who will decide Kobe Bryant's fate will be chosen. (Peter Fredin / AP) A bunch, in court cases, is 12, with a few potential jurors on injured reserve. Weeding out candidates is not unlike the NBA's expansion draft; not unlike teams that are allowed to protect a certain number of players, lawyers are granted a number of challenges. Challenges are used when an attorney sniffs out a jury candidate who may be capable of reading or operating a remote control. Anyway, after weeks of being pole-axed by Bryant's team, the prosecution has become a bit more aggressive in its approach to the upcoming trial. The district attorney, in case you've forgotten, has the burden of offering proof that the high-profile Laker is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. In basketball terms, reasonable doubt was demonstrated and established when Kobe insisted he had nothing to do with the L.A. departures of Shaquille O'Neal or Phil Jackson. Those charged with determining Bryant's guilt or innocence ostensibly will come together forming a jury of his peers. For this legal exercise, "peers" refers to "humans." Identifying peers is a tricky notion. To accomplish such a mighty task, both sides are requiring jury candidates to navigate an 82-item questionnaire. Thanks to the FOXSports.com pilfering department, I'm able to deliver 20 of these head-scratching queries. Legal experts believe there are no wrong answers. 1. A suspect is innocent until: (A) trial (B) an accomplice rolls over and cops a plea © proven guilty (D) cross examination (E) The Lakers open training camp 2. Sequestered is a fancy word that means: (A) being interviewed by the annoying guy on American Idol (B) room service © a month of cartoons on TV (D) having a hotel-room tryst while your bodyguards watch SpectraVision in the next room (E) B and C 3. Kobe Bryant is: (A) a Laker (B) a superstar © a rapist (D) innocent (E) no Michael Jordan 4. Kobe Bryant's accuser is: (A) a woman (B) lying © a former concierge (D) well known on the Internet (E) Shaq 5. Kobe Bryant had extramarital sex: (A) just once (B) because he could © to take his mind off of his injured knee (D) to build street cred for Nike marketing purposes (E) all of the above 6. A woman's sexual history should be: (A) irrelevant (B) important © worth giving up my credit card number (D) off limits (E) on TV 7. Lakers owner Jerry Buss is to Kobe Bryant as: (A) Daedalus was to Icarus (B) Brando was to Matthew Broderick © Fred Sanford was to Rollo (D) Pat Morita was to Ralph Macchio (E) Hef is to a frat boy 8. When a woman says no: (A) she means no (B) she means yes © she means maybe (D) she means A, B and C (E) she's talking to me 9. My favorite Law & Order: Ordinary Victims Unit character is: (A) assistant district attorney Jack McCoy (B) wisecracking detective Lenny Briscoe © the hot blonde assistant ol' McCoy wants to sleep with, but won't (D) the folksy, old guy district attorney who doesn't want to sleep with the hot blonde assistant, but has yet to make up his mind about McCoy (E) the homicide suspect portrayed by an actor whose career is circling the drain 10. A civil suit is: (A) the whole idea (B) too flashy for winter © in the bag (D) a 50-50 proposition (E) a suit that allows everyone gets along 11. Kobe Bryant likes: (A) his wife (B) your wife © to win (D) to shoot (E) Mike (F) All of the above 12. Pamela Mackey is: (A) more important to Kobe Bryant than Lamar Odom (B) more important to Kobe Bryant than Vlade Divac © more important to Kobe Bryant than Slava Medvedenko (D) no Johnnie Cochran (E) no Tayshaun Prince 13. Justice is: (A) blind (B) blonde © best served cold (D) reserved for the wealthy (E) nuts for ruining his marriage to Halle Berry 14. No. 8 is: (A) a jury candidate who may be stoned (B) a jury candidate who should be stoned © Kobe Bryant's jersey number (D) Shaquille O'Neal's free-throw percentage (E) C and D 15. Phil Jackson was: (A) right (B) wrong © forced out (D) in the moment for a moment (E) stoned 16. NBA players like: (A) sex (B) pot © sex pots (D) summers off (E) all of the above 17. Kobe Bryant is to Shaquille O'Neal as: (A) Magic was to Kareem (B) Peas are to carrots © Zell Miller is to John Kerry (D) Donkey is to Shrek (E) Adam Sandler is to Jack Nicholson 18. Consensual sex is: (A) the way to go (B) very good © bad (D) very bad (E) overrated 19. Going to an NBA player's hotel room late at night is: (A) recommended (B) not recommended © fun (D) inevitable (E) a good way to score tickets 20. If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be? (A) apple (B) Dutch elm © Redwood (D) Christmas (E) fish http://msn.foxsports.com/story/2881698
September 1, 200422 yr I'm pretty sure this is a joke. Should be humor zone. 536839[/snapback] Yeah, I strongly doubt that that article is true.
September 2, 200422 yr How long before Kobe's accuser does a Playboy pictorial where she "tells all"?
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