A man walks into shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here."

"What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look."

 

And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck.

"Rover," says the man, "daven!".

 

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head.

 

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck.

 

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven.

 

"That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, he could make a million dollars!!"

 

"You speak to him," says the man, "he wants to be a dentist."

 

 

 

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Jewish Humor

 

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the ceremony, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer

so quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the Rabbi said:

4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

 

 

??'???o,,,???'???o???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???>

 

After a shul service on Sabbath morning, a young boy suddenly announced to

his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a Rabbi When I grow up."

"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"

"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to shul on Sabbath anyway, and I

figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

 

 

???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???

 

 

A boy was watching his father, a rabbi, write a sermon.

"How do you know what to say?" he asked.

"Why, God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

 

 

???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???

 

 

A little girl became restless as the rabbi's High Holy Day appeal sermon

dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,

"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

 

 

???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???

 

 

After the circumsizing of his baby brother in shul,

little Jonah sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father

asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, "That rabbi said he wanted us brought up in a

Jewish home and I want to stay with you guys!"

 

???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???o,,,,o???'???o?

 

The Religious School Teacher asks, "Now, Sammy, tell me frankly do you say

prayers before eating?"

"No sir," little Sammy replies,

"I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."

 

???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???

 

 

Rabbi Cohen tells us, "After a Shabbat service at the Temple in Owensboro,

Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally

got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon,

she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Rabbi Cohen is going

to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!'

It worked."

 

???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???o,,,,o???'???o???'???

 

 

This is the best one A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as

he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to

touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then

his again.

Finally she spoke up, "Zaydeh, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "Zaydeh, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,

"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

Finally she spoke up, "Zaydeh, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "Zaydeh, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,

"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

 

pwned!!! :o

This is the best one A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as

he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to

touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then

his again.

Finally she spoke up, "Zaydeh, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "Zaydeh, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,

"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

:lol