Did you hear the joke about a Marlins stadium?

Published May 31, 2005

 

 

People complain about gas at $2.20 a gallon. Me, I complain about beer at $54 a gallon.

 

That's what Heineken goes for at Florida Marlins games at Dolphins Stadium. I even double-checked the math: a 16-ounce can at $6.75 times 8.

 

At $54 a gallon, you'd think there'd be enough money to go around for everyone: stadium owner H. Wayne Huizenga, Marlins owner Jeff Loria, overpaid players, underpaid workers, shippers, even the people in Holland who make the beer.

 

Don't get me started on peanuts ($3.75) and hot dogs ($5.50).

 

I spent $30 for an outfield club seat on Saturday. It was a lousy game, but a beautiful night. I didn't have a problem with the lack of a roof over the stadium.

 

I did have a problem with one concession cashier who got distracted by a supervisor and forgot to give me change.

 

When I asked for my $13, she "swore to God" that she had already given it to me.

 

"Don't swear to God," I cautioned, "because you'll go to hell."

 

Fortunately, the woman behind me saw the whole thing and I eventually got my money.

 

So this is how baseball goes, I thought to myself: One major-league ripoff after another.

 

Which brings us to Miami and the Marlins' never-ending stadium saga. The team is still waiting, palm out, for its money.

 

At last count, the Marlins were $45 million short of a stadium deal in Miami, but that number is so malleable you might as well come up with your own.

 

The only thing funnier than the Marlins' unrealistic cost projections for a retractable-roof stadium near the Orange Bowl is the gullibility of the Miami-Dade County politicians who are so eager to finance it.

 

Nothing about this deal makes sense. Not the location. Not the Swiss-cheese financing. Not the latest hollow noise Major League Baseball makes to pressure everyone to get it finalized.

 

MLB president Bob Dupuy sent a letter the other week saying he wanted a done deal by June 9.

 

Or what? Or nothing.

 

File that one in the Meaningless Deadline folder.

 

If I lived in Miami-Dade, I'd be very afraid of this deal. But I live in Broward County, which means I can root for it despite my opposition to public funding of private sporting enrichment. Now that the Legislature has again shot down a sales-tax rebate for the stadium, my feelings haven't changed.

 

My motto has always been: if Miami-Dade is buying, I'm driving.

 

On entertainment value alone, this boondoggle is going to be a hoot.

 

Let's start with the fantasy $435 million projection, which includes $360 million for the stadium, $30 million for a parking garage and $45 million to buy out 50 landowners around the site.

 

Almost five years ago, former Marlins owner John Henry announced a plan in which the stadium alone would cost $385 million. Now, with material and labor costs soaring, the Marlins are going to build one $25 million cheaper?

 

According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, the past year has seen prices spike 20-60 percent on construction items such as cement, iron, steel rebar and copper wire, and plastic PVC pipe.

 

The Marlins say they will cover any overruns, a meaningless pledge. As a guarantee, the government will hold a lien on the team. I can just picture this exchange when the stadium opens three years late and $150 million over budget.

 

Miami-Dade officials: "Hey, you owe us $150 million."

 

Marlins: "Sorry, don't got it."

 

Miami-Dade: "But you promised."

 

Marlins: "Sorry, don't got it. We can negotiate a settlement, but here, this team is all yours if you want it."

 

Miami-Dade: "How are we going to run a major-league team? We can't even handle an airport. And how are we supposed to fund a $75 million payroll while we try to sell it? And what will happen to this ballpark if all the prospective buyers want to move?"

 

Marlins: "Sorry, should have thought of that before you signed on."

 

When the day comes, Miamians will wish they could drown their troubles at $54 a gallon. It'll seem cheap compared to the mess they'll find themselves in.

 

Michael Mayo can be reached at mmayo@sun-sentinel.com or 954-356-4508.

 

 

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/columnist...l=sfla-news-col

wow

This is what I've been saying all along.

 

There's no way in hell that the stadium will cost under 500 million dollars.

 

Good piece.

Man this article makes it sound like even after the stadium is built, our troubles will continue.

nice piece and find

You know...

 

Tampa didn't suffer much when Hillsborough County voted in a 1/2 cent sales tax to build a stadium for the Bucs...

 

a small sales tax wont KILL Dade Co.

You know...

 

Tampa didn't suffer much when Hillsborough County voted in a 1/2 cent sales tax to build a stadium for the Bucs...

 

a small sales tax wont KILL Dade Co.

812181[/snapback]

 

After the half-penny fiasco with the transportation, people aren't going to vote to tax themselves again, especially for a sports franchise.