SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL

 

Women's Accessories:

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara,

and a fifth of bourbon. Money is not necessary---that's what dates are

for.

 

Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

 

Fathers:

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

 

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

 

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.

 

Cheerleaders:

NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.

SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance,

& gymnastic training.

 

Heroes:

NORTH: Rudy Guliani

SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning

 

Getting Tickets:

 

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on

campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on

campus &

put name on the waiting list.

 

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because

they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see

the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.

 

Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game, University opens the campus for game

parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday

for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

 

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes

over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and

wave to the idiots up north.

 

Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local

radio

station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking

accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over

during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

 

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right

in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the

state's third largest city.

 

Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it,

filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

 

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand

up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part

harmony.

 

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

 

Commentary (Male):

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

 

Commentary (Female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

 

Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a

tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

 

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes

to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next

week's game.

 

Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories

of Southern footba

i need to move... :lol

wheres my bourbon?

i love it...i've got that as a link on my buddy profile or somethin...i saw it awhile ago...im glad someone put it on here

baahahahahha doesnt michigan have like a 110,000 seat stadium t hat sells out every time the wolverines play? its the biggest in the world.

Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State...woop dee doo.

 

Look at the SEC....90k at UF. 90k at Sanford Stadium. 106k at Neyland. 80k at South Carolina's. Auburn: 85k. LSU: 85k. This is just one conference. Clemson throws in 70k. FSU: 80k. Texas, Oklahoma, etc.

 

No comparison.

hey hey hey....I'm a Michigan fan, and just cuz I posted it doesn't mean I believe it!

 

GO BLUE!!!

 

I think that the Big Ten is the exception. All of their teams are in the north. Can't think of any other conference that is strictly north that can compete with the fans and attendance.

yah, GO BLUE!

how did yall come about being Michigan fans?

My dad went to Michigan and he got me into it. Go Blue, and Go Bears (cal)

good enough reason....there are just tons of Michigan fans, and a lot of them really have no connection...just kinda jumped on the wagon.

 

That's cool that your dad went there.

I have favorite teams all over the country. I came from a city that was all minor league.

 

When I first started watching college footaball, Michigan was playing BYU, I think it was the Holiday Bowl. The reason I picked them.....Their Helmets. I've stayed loyal ever since, and have cheered for all of their teams.

 

Other notable reasons I picked certain teams(I don't change favorite teams).......

 

MLB

1.Orioles....the city I lived in was their AAA affiliate

2.Marlins....I live here and have been a fan since the beginning

 

NHL

Sabres.....the city I lived in was their minor league affiliate

 

NBA

Lakers.....when I got into basketball, the Lakers & Celtics were on top. I jumped on the Lakers bandwagon and have never fallen off....even the one year they didn't make the playoffs.

 

NFL

Steelers....When I was very young, I decided to pick a favorite team. I chose the Bills because I liked there uniforms and they were only 60 miles from where I lived. My older brother who is a Steeler fan decided that the Bills weren't the team I wanted to root for and that I was to be a Steeler fan....or face a brotherly beating. So, I have been a Steeler fan ever since. I'm glad though because now we always have an excuse to call each other.

 

Anyone else have have their own stories?

good enough reason....there are just tons of Michigan fans, and a lot of them really have no connection...just kinda jumped on the wagon.

 

That's cool that your dad went there.

i do admit i am a little bit of a bandwagon jumper in that way, because my dad is also a Tigers fan and a Lions fan and I don't root for them, but I do root for the Redwings and Wolverines.