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My Take on Ghosts and Hell


SorianoFanHFW
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Two Totally Unrelated Things That Piss Me Off

 

 

 

Thing Number One: Ghosts

 

I really do not know if ghosts are real or not or if anything is haunted, but it seems like the scientific possibility is open for unexplained forces to exist and act in such ways that we attribute it to a ghost. A ghost is usually some dead human and we assume that this person's afterlife is to remain on Earth.

 

I know one thing. I do not believe there is a such thing as a soul. All feeling we have is in our mind, which is a convenient result of our brain's work. However, I can never 100 percent shake off the feeling that there can be ghosts until I see a scientist prove it to me. Why? Because I always lose things and at times they obviously turn up in places I already looked. I was once missing a wallet for five years and poof, it appears with $150 missing. Sure, my brother or father can be playing a sick trick on me, but it seems unlikely. Stuff like this does not validate a true belief in ghosts, maybe a suspicion.

 

However, what we think we know about ghosts is the following: they're a bunch of dead guys with all these powers that pretty much haunt people or walk around in circles for no apparent reason. Damn, that has to suck if all you do is the same stupid crap for all eternity. I'm damn glad I'm not a ghost. The whole idea bothers me. Why would you want to make "ooowooowoooo" sounds, hide small useless things, pace around, and say stupid ghost-like things such as, "Get out, get out of my house" when you are standing in the middle of some vacant lot. Let me put it this way. If ghosts are real, they have it VERY bad. They do not do anything entertaining and pretty much carry out a miserable existence.

 

If I were a ghost, I would do cool things. I would find out where those tiny little tunnels in one of the pyramids goes, go into that Chinese Emperor who built the great wall of China's tomb (because everyone is afraid its booby trapped), fly around for the sake of flying around, go into the girls locker room/shower, and explore outer space. If ghosts were truly humans that did not go to the afterlife, wouldn't ghosts overpopulate the Earth. Everywhere we walk we would be running into Atilla the Hun, some 17th century French peasant, the big bopper, and Roberto Clemente. That's why the whole ghost thing does not make sense, aside from the scientific side of it of course. However, it is entirely possible msot ghost hang out in outer space and explore the universe, because that is what I would do.

 

So who are the douche bags that stick around here and do stupid hauntings? They must be the people whp had annoying jobs for a living. Like medevil ghosts would all be court jesters, ghosts from the 18th century are guys who generally enjoyed playing harmonicas or banjos, and ghosts from the present day are spammers, telemarketers, and politicians. At this point, I believe you can see why ghosts piss me off.

 

Thing Number Two: Hell

 

When we die, I believe it is most likely that the "lights just go out." If there is a God, who says it gives half a crap about you anymore than a protozoan to create an elaborate afterlife just for you? However, the belief in the afterlife is an old one. Ancient Sumerians believed that when you died you became a shadow. Now that has to suck, what kind of existence is that? The ancient Egyptions thought that you either do what you did during life or if you were big enough of a prick the devourer of souls would eat you and you pretty much disexist. The Christians of today believe that you walk around with God/Jesus/Birdman if you have "faith" and if you do not, no matter how nice a guy you are you go to hell.

 

I am an honest agnostic. So do I go to hell even if I am a good person? How about every person on Earth who is not Christian, they also go to hell? How about every single non-christian person in history, do they go to hell? Hell, even animals do not believe in Jesus, there must be one big barbeque in hell. So is hell that bad if it is a barbeque? Hell yes. I'm going to tell you what hell is like, even though I have never been there and no one has ever came back from there to tell us what it was like.

 

In hell there is nothing but fire, boiling water pits, brimstone, and nice 72 degree rooms playing country music. In everywhere besides the rooms playing Garth Brooks music, there are a bunch of naked red men with no penises chasing after you with pitchfork like things that Ariel's father held for no apparent reason in the Little Mermaid. These devils stick you with the pitchforks and roast you, eat you alive, and when you can take no more they let you rest in the country music room, just so you know what if feels like to not have your flesh punctured and melted off. However, you stay in the country music room for about 17 years and every one in there, but mid west yokels screams for no more.

 

People literally beg, "Please Jesus please! Get me out of this room, I would do anything." Jesus then comes to these people, happily holds them like a baby and then magically makes every part of their body covered with papercuts. Then he throws you in a blender where you become V8 for the God of Israel to drink. Then you get crapped out of heaven's toilet and you pop up back in hell next to the likes of Enrico Scorvegni, Adolf Hitler, and Buddy Holly. They repeat the proces for about 1,275 cycles and you get a chance to go to purgatory for a bit.

 

There you see a bunch of inept idiots like at the DMV not knowing what to do and so you wait about 496 years on line when you can see that there are only 3 people in front of you. This time really is not so bad, because you can talk to your fellow man. Oh, the people you can meet! Iosef Stalin, Ritchie Valens, Louis XIV, that dead child laborer that made three pairs of your Nike sneakers, anyone! Then when it is finally your turn, you are handed a piece of paper that says, "Do you believe in Jesus? Yes or No"

 

If you circle yes you are allowed to go to heaven, if you circle no you have to repeat the whole hell process until you get the point: beleive in Jesus without any evidence, because you avoid hell.

 

Just like ghosts, the whole idea of hell is ridiculous. It is not based on any evdience, and the afterlife can easily be that we all become pine trees and just grow until we fall down, and then just grow again. You say why? I say why not! If there is an afterlife, the possibilities are infinite. For all you know, the pricky God of Israel can be real and he rewards only bad people. How do you know? You don't! The whole idea is ridiculous, because the afterlife is based on analogy. On Earth if you are good, you deserve a reward. So people beleiving life in analgous to the afterlife think that if you are good in life, you should be rewarded in the afterlife. Well, nice argument from analogy, but you did not prove a thing.

 

Ridiculous notions like hell piss me off and so do ghosts if they are real. I am sure by now you agree with me.

 

http://www.xanga.com/craigramblings

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