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Press Release: Red Sox Sign Samus Aran


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Press Release: Red Sox Sign Samus Aran to Shore Up Bench


In an off-season where the Boston Red Sox stacked up against the Yankees with the acquisitions of Curt Schilling, Keith Foulke, Ellis Burks, Magglio Ordonez, and Alex Rodriguez, the Boston Red Sox have finally assembled the most elite bench in baseball by signing Utility Player Samus Aran from the intergalatic league. Samus agreed to a two year 3.5 million dollar contract with payments deferred until 2009 with a guarenteed 4 million dollar signing bonus paid upon the signing.


Samus Aran shattered the professional homerun record with 123, surpassing Josh Gibson's accurate record of 83 in a season. In 2003, Samus Aran, a left handed batter, batted .393, and batted in 187. In an off-season where the Yankees did not retain superstars like Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Alfonso Soriano, David Wells, Aaron Boone, Jeff Weaver, Jeff Nelson, Jeff Weeden, and Sterling Hitchcock, it is obvious that the Red Sox have a clear advantage.


She said, "It isn't like the Yankees got anyone good to replace those guys right?"

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just so you know, I didn't write that.? I thought it was funny.


And c'mon, I'm the king of wittiness.

wittiness OR whiteness?





Man, now thats witty beinfest, no.


And jurque, don't make fun of my ethnicity. Go to hell.


Sorry puba, didn't know you whiteys got offended so easily.





























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