Posted November 8, 200519 yr Ok Im a little bored and i have nothing else to do so this are some scenes that we will never see in a star wars film: In A New Hope: The jawas are selling the droids in lukes farm: Luke: Hey Uncle Owen this jawas are selling droids. Uncle Owen: Oh perfect, we need a protocol droid, the last one was stoled by some punk (He sees 3po) Wait a second... You look very familiar. Governor Tarkin: Obi-Wan Kenobi? Darth Vader: He is here. Governor Tarkin: What makes you think so? Darth Vader: A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master. Governor Tarkin: Well then be carefull, the last time you saw him, he kicked your a55. Luke: How did my father die? Obi-Wan: A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Luke: Really? Obi Wan: No. the truth is I cut his two legs and his arm and then I let him burning in a river of lava. Darth Vader: Your powers are weak, old man. Obi Wan: Well You're not exactly a teenager either. Luke (after he sees his home destroyed): Sandpeople! Obi Wan: No, it wasnt the sand people, look at this shots, they are too precise, this is the work of stormtroopers. Luke: Stormtroopers?! Precise?! come on! those guys can't get you even if you are two foots away. In The empire Strikes Back: Han Solo: Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss? Princess Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee. Han Solo: You've just kissed your brother, that is by far more disgusting. In the Return Of the Jedi: (After Luke cut Vader hand) Palpatine: Oh Vader! this is the fifth arm you lose. What's your problem man!! In the Revenge of the Sith. Tribute to Pulp Fiction Mace Windu: You're in this council but we do not own you the rank of master. Anakin: What? Mace Windu: Say "what" again mother *beep* Empire Strikes Back - The Carbonite Chamber. Leia - I love you. Han - I know. Darth Vader - Mack on my daughter...freeze him in carbonite! Return of the Jedi - Dagobah Luke - A certain point of view? Obi-Wan - Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to are from a certain point of view. Like your father, believing that he could wop my ass. (smirks) ROTS: Mace disarms Palpatine; Mace; Can you dig it!! I took down the man! AOTC: Obi-Wan; One day, you're going to be the death of me. Anakin; Only when you're too old for a nursing home. TPM; JarJar; Meesa JaJa binksa sir. Whoosa are yousa? Qui-Gon; I am someone who has used hooked on phonics. JarJar; I spek. Qui-Gon; the ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent. Have you seen Jessica Simpson? JarJar; OOhhh, maxie dig Jessa Simsona. Meesa taks yousa backs to mesa, uhhhh, meesa takesa yousa.....ah *beep* it, I'll take you to see my leader. Empire Strikes Back - Dagobah Luke - They're my friends and I've got to help them. Obi-Wan - Luke, I don't want to lose you like the way I lost Vader. Luke - You just try to cut my legs off old man. Return of the Jedi - Endor Leia - But why must you face him?! Luke - Because Leia, he's my father... Leia - Your father? Luke - If you think that's bad wait till' I tell you who my grandpa is... Star Wars - Tatoonie Obi-Wan - Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time, a long time... Luke - So the droids belong to you then? Obi-Wan - Not for 12 more payments...a long time, a long time... Star Wars - Coruscant Vano Plo - Hey, where's George Lucas...this is my big scene! Kastar Rum - Didn't you hear, this scene's been scraped. We're now extras for the cantina scene. Vano Plo - Damn it! I hate Tatoonie... Empire Strikes Back - Dagobah Yoda - Why must you become Jedi? Luke - Mostly because of my father I guess. Yoda - Hmmm, powerful as$hole was he, powerful as$hole... Luke - What did you say?! Yoda - Hmmm, powerful Jedi... Return of the Jedi - Endor Luke - I know you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father. Vader - That name no longer has any meaning to me. Luke - It's the name of your true self you've only forgotten it...what with the burger king commericals, pepsi promos, drug-induced nights at the skywalker ranch, rich kid's birthday parties, photo shoots and fashion tie-ins! Vader - Anakin you say... Star Wars - Tatoonie Beru - Owen he can't stay here, most of his friends have gone, it means so much to him. Owen - I'll make it up to him next year. Beru - Luke's just not a farmer Owen, he has too much of his father in him. Owen - I know, I keep finding dead tusken raiders buried in the backyard... Return of the Jedi - The 2nd Death Star Emperor - And now I sense that you wish to continue your search for young Skywalker... Vader - Yes, my master. Emperor - Do you think I'm dense! First you offer to rule the galaxy with Padme, then with Luke, and now you want me to give you another shot at it! *beep* off, you're going to Naboo. Empire Strikes Back - Super Star Destroyer Emperor - We have a new enemy...Luke Skywalker. Vader - He's just a boy, Obi-Wan can no longer protect him. Emperor - Remember when you were just a boy? Remember how you used to cause havoc in the Jedi Temple? You were such a good boy... Vader - Thank you, Master... Star Wars - The Death Star Vader - When last we met I was but the learner, now I am the Master. Obi-Wan - Only a master of funk Darth...whew! You've been in that suit for 20 years! God, what a stench! Is that your new dark side power? Being Dark Lord of the Stink...wow! Ya know what, never mind, I was just leaving... OBI WAN: Quick, we're the last of our kind. Let's band together and overthrow the empire while his power is just beginning to form! Yoda: I've gotta better idea: Lets grow old and alone for the next 20 years while millions more die under palpatine and maybe...just maybe we'll train this baby someday. OBI WAN: Deal, see ya later! commander cody: your shows untied sir *obi wan goes to tie them up* Obi wan: wait i dont even have laces!# *bang* Attack of the clones Dooku fighting Obi-Wan Dooku: Wow you suck, for being my padawan's padawan you should be way better. Geeze. Obi-Wan: Yeah, well in three years your padawan's, padawan's, padawan will defeat your wrinkly butt. Empire strikes back Vader and Luke fight Vader: No, I am your father. Luke: Really? I hope I don't take on your wheezing. Vader: Ey, I had my legs and arm cut off, and then caught on fire! But anyway, join me and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son: Luke: The Galaxy? Wow sure. I'll join. Phantom Menace - Naboo Obi-Wan - The boy is dangerous, everyone can sense it master. Qui-Gon - He's not dangerous, his future is uncertain. Obi-Wan - Easy for you to say, you won't be around to train him. Qui-Gon - The council will decide...huh!? Empire Strikes Back - Astroroid Field Solo - This looks interesting... Leia - Jar Jar system? Solo - Jar Jar's not a system, he's a gungun. We go way back Jar Jar an' me. Leia - Can you trust him? Solo - Well the Empire's got no love for him, and neither does Lucas, or the fans, or even hasbro... Return of the Jedi - Jabba's Palace Solo - How we doin' kid? Luke - Same as always. Solo - That bad hun'? Luke - Could be worse... Solo - How's that? Luke - Lucas could be directing... Return of the Jedi - Endor Luke - I know you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father. Vader - That name no longer has any meaning to me. I mean come on. People kept calling me Annie for cripes sake. What am I? An annoying redhead??? Episode IV: A New Hope On board the Tantive IV: Vader: Several transmissions were beamed aboard your ship. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Leia: You can take those transmissions and shove them up your cybernetic @$$, You were never there for my childhood! Vader: Of course I was there...I even got you a pony. Leia: A DEAD pony, force choked by YOU! Vader: The pony understimated the power of the Dark Side.
November 8, 200519 yr Something else you will also never see in a Star Wars film: Good writing! Zing....!
November 8, 200519 yr Mace Windu: You're in this council but we do not own you the rank of master. Anakin: What? Mace Windu: Say "what" again mother *beep* Hilarious because I can actually visualize that.
November 10, 200519 yr Author Ep V, Cloud City Vader-- Luke! I am your father! Luke-- You bastard! Where were you when I needed braces? Vader-- Look, I was a young kid, just starting out, I was scared, man! A kid's a big responsibility! And that bitch of a wife was catholic, too. What was I sposda do? The Dark side was looking pretty damn good right around then Episode VI: Return of the Jedi Location: The Santuary Moon of Endor Luke is setting Vader's body on fire, little does Luke know that Vader is still alive. Vader: [As he starts burning] I HATE YOU!!! Luke: Whoops!! Empire Strikes Back - Dagobah Yoda - Reckless is he, now, matters are worse. Obi-Wan - That boy is our last hope. Yoda - No, there is another. Obi-Wan - Shaft? Yoda - No, for the last time it's not Shaft. Obi-Wan - But we didn't see him die at the end of... Yoda - Shut your mouth! Obi-Wan - I'm ges talkin' bout' Shaft... Empire Strikes Back - Hoth Leia - Two fighters will be assigned to protect each transport. Pilot - Two fighters versus a star destroyer? Leia - The film projector will play Episode I several times to make sure that no enemy vessals will want to be in your way. Pilot - Sweet... Attack of the Clones: ANAKIN: Don't worry, we'll find out who is trying to kill you, Senator Padme. OBI WAN: The council has tasked us with protecting her only, my padawan learner. ANAKIN: I only meant that in the interest of protecting her, we should figure out who is trying to kill her... OBI WAN: We must not exceed our mandate! And by the way, I hate flying. Now if you'll excuse me, I will now jump onto this flying robot, in order to try to find out who wants Amidala dead. So long, we are going to leave you alone now, Senator; alone, and completely open to any further attacks. Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back Location: Bespin Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. Luke: He told me enough...he told me YOU killed him. Vader: No, I am your father... Luke: No, That's not true... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! Vader: But I do have good news... I just saved a bunch of credits on my ship insurance by switching to Geico. Now the Empire can bulid a second death star for half price. Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Vader: Where was i? Oh yes, (clears throat) Give yourself to the dark side. Geico, a fifteen minute call can save you 15% on planetary destruction. ANH-Tatooine: Obi-Wan: The force can have a powerful influence over the weak-minded. Luke: Really? Obi-Wan: Oh, yeah. (does the hand-wave to Luke) Make me a sandwich. ANH-Death Star: Han Solo: Damn fool, I knew you were going to say that. Obi-Wan: Who's the more foolish: The fool, or the fool who follows him? Han Solo: (under his breath) How about the fools' Mom? ROTJ-Death Star: Darth Vader: What is thy bidding, my master? Palpatine: Send the fleet to the far side of Endor. There it will stay until called for. Darth Vader: What of the reports of the rebel fleet massing near Sollust? Palpaine: It is of no concern. Soon the Rebellion will be crushed and young Skywalker will be one of us. Your work here is finished, my friend. Go out to the command ship and await my orders. Darth Vader: Yes, my master. You want me to bring you anything? Palpatine: Um, you know, I am a little peckish. I don't know, maybe you could pick up a...what is there? Darth Vader: I think there's a Wendy's down on Endor. Palpatine: Oooooh...No, no, the Wendy's is back on Yavin. I think-- Darth Vader: Well, what am I thinking of? Palpatine: I think there's a...Dairy Queen down there. Darth Vader: Oh, yeah...I like Dairy Queen. Palpatine: I don't care for it. Darth Vader: Really? Palpatine: Yeah. You know what, forget it I'll just order something in. Darth Vader: You sure? Palpatine: Yeah, Yeah I am. Darth Vader: Okay, then. See ya. (turns to leave) Windu: Give me my lighsaber! Anakin: Which one is yours? Windu: The one that says Bad M'ther F'ker on it YODA: Hmm. That face you make. Look I so old to young eyes? LUKE: No... of course not. YODA: I do, yes, I do! Sick have I become. Old and weak. When ninehundred years old you reach, look as good you will not. Hmm? LUKE: Yeah! Sure thing! But at last, I would have learned to speak English. EPVI: after vader becomes the blue anakin ghost LUKE: Now If you could just pay that million-credit child support debt... ANAKIN: What? Screw this, I'm going back to the dark side. In RotS, after Obi-Wan cut Anakin's legs off: Obi-Wan: You were the chosen one!! Neo and Morpheus appear behind him Neo: See, I told you, can I go home now?! VADER: When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master. BEN: Only a master of evil, Darth, and my lightsaber is longer than yours. (Yoda and Luke are training, Yoda's on Luke's back)--- Luke: "I can't do this crap, Master Yoda!" Yoda: "Do this you shall. My bitch you are. Rape you in the ass, tonight I shall." Emperor: There is a great disturbance in the force. Vader: I have felt it. Emperor: We, have a new enemy. I have no doubt that he is the son of Anakin Skywalker. Vader: How is that possible? Emperor: You tell me. You're the one who #%&@ed her!
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.