November 24, 200619 yr There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door >>>>all>night. I finally had to let her out. > >>>>A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are >>>>you>comfortable?"The man says, "I make a good living." >>>> >>>>I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to >>>>the>airport. >>>> >>>>I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife >>>>ever>finds out, she'll kill me! >>>> >>>>What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making >>>>love?"Honey, I'm home!" >>>> >>>>Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. >>>>The>thief spends less than my wife did. >>>> >>>>We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. >>>> >>>>My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding >>>>night,only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried. >>>> >>>>She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the >>>>estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the >>>>mud>fell off. >>>> >>>>I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still >>>>confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I >>>>feel>hungry. >>>> >>>>The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his >>>>bill,>so the doctor gave him another six months. >>>> >>>>The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." >>>>Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" >>>> >>>>Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! >>>>What>did I tell you?" >>>> >>>>A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, >>>>how>do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!" >>>> >>>>Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!" >>>> >>>>A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been >>>>brought>here for drinking." The drunk says " Okay, let's get started." >>>> >>>>A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The >>>>Jewish>fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! >>>>You're>the one that's working!" >>>> >>>>Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. >>>> >>>>Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. >>>> >>>>I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of >>>>work>he's out of. >>>> >>>>Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart! >>>> >>>>The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women >>>>like>Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the >>>>fact>that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now. >>>> >>>>There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. >>>>In>Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it >>>>graduates>from medical school. >>>> >>>>Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? >>>> A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering. >>>> >>>>Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie? >>>>A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes." >>>> >>>>Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? >>>>A: They never let anyone finish a sentence. >>>> >>>>A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good, >>>>"said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you >>>>so>weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, >>>>"That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The >>>>mother>answered. "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food >>>>if you>should call." >>>> >>>>A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a >>>>part>in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the >>>>part>of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and >>>>tell>the teacher you want a speaking part." >>>> >>>>Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? >>>>A: Under the vacuum cleaner >>>> >>>>Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? >>>>A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be >>>>a>nuisance to anybody." >>>> >>>>Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we >>>>won,>let's eat. >>>> >>>>Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on >>>>the>street and said "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force >>>>yourself,">she replied. >>>> >>>>Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? >>>> A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
November 25, 200619 yr >>>>Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol These are great, yenta!
November 26, 200619 yr >>>>Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? >>>>A: Under the vacuum cleaner I am pretty sure that isn't just Jews! :blink:
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