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Blond Jokes


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The UFO & The Blonde Gas Station Attendant

 

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.

 

As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

 

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

 

"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"

 

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

 

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

 

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

 

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

 

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

 

The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"

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Blonde Moments!

 

This beautiful young blonde walks into the health clinic and begins to talk to the nurse. "Excuse me, ma'am, is this where I can get a vassilation?"

 

"I think you mean you need a vaccination," said the nurse.

 

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't give it to me on my arm because I wear a sleepless nightgown."

 

"You mean a sleeveless nightgown?"

 

"Yeah, whatever. And don't give it to me on my thigh because I have a zucchini bathing suit."

 

"You mean a bikini?"

 

"Yeah, OK. And don't give it to me on my virginia."

 

"You mean your vagina?"

 

"All right!!" shouts the blond. "Virginia, vagina, just as long as I don't get small cox !!!!"

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Light Bulbs & the Blonde Factory Worker

 

Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work." said the man.

 

"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.

 

He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?

 

"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.

 

"I think you need some time off," said the boss.

 

So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.

 

The blonde began walking out too.

 

The boss asked her where did she think she was going?

 

Thee blonde answered, "Home, I can't work in the dark."

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theres a blonde and she was an astronaut and she was conversating with other astronauts. She goes "oh yeah, im gonna go to the sun"...and the other astronauts laughed and said "How are you gonna go, they sun burns andwill most likely kill you".....then the blonde goes ..."Well, DUH, im gonna go at night"

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theres a blonde and she was an astronaut and she was conversating with other astronauts. She goes "oh yeah, im gonna go to the sun"...and the other astronauts laughed and said "How are you gonna go, they sun burns andwill most likely kill you".....then the blonde goes ..."Well, DUH, im gonna go at night"

:D

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The Blonde Cowboy

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy, coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for Indecent Exposure.

 

As he is locking him up, the Sheriff asks him, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

 

The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road, when this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her, and so I did... We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of hot and sexy and says, "Now go to town, cowboy...

 

And so here I am."

 

Blonde Men do exist.

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Two Sisters Inherit The Family Ranch

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving to check out a good prospect, the brunette tells her sister, "Now, when I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

 

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. After paying him the $599 asking price, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

 

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

 

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left, meaning she'll only be able to send her sister a one-word message. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word...'comfortable'."

 

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,'comfortable'?"

 

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slowly...out loud........

("com-for-da-bul")."

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The Blonde PoliceWoman

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and the officer walked up to the car.

 

The female police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.

 

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman "What does a driver's license look like?"

 

Irritated, the blonde cop said "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

 

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.

 

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all this hassle."

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The Blonde PoliceWoman

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and the officer walked up to the car.

 

The female police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.

 

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman "What does a driver's license look like?"

 

Irritated, the blonde cop said "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

 

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.

 

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all this hassle."

:D :p :D

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What do you call a smart blonde?

 

 

A golden retreiver!

that's not very nice... :(

 

Well, I got a joke! :p Maybe it's already posted but oh well.

 

This blonde is at home working on a puzzle of a tiger and she's having problems so she asks her husband to help her and he goes "Honey, put the Frosted Flakes away" :blink:

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What do you call a smart blonde?

 

 

A golden retreiver!

that's not very nice... :(

 

Well, I got a joke! :p Maybe it's already posted but oh well.

 

This blonde is at home working on a puzzle of a tiger and she's having problems so she asks her husband to help her and he goes "Honey, put the Frosted Flakes away" :blink: Thats the spirit Blondie girl, these jokes are just for fun!

:thumbup :thumbup :D :D :hat

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What do you call a smart blonde?

 

 

A golden retreiver!

that's not very nice... :(

 

Well, I got a joke! :p Maybe it's already posted but oh well.

 

This blonde is at home working on a puzzle of a tiger and she's having problems so she asks her husband to help her and he goes "Honey, put the Frosted Flakes away" :blink: lol :lol

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What do you call a smart blonde?

 

 

A golden retreiver!

that's not very nice... :(

 

Well, I got a joke! :p Maybe it's already posted but oh well.

 

This blonde is at home working on a puzzle of a tiger and she's having problems so she asks her husband to help her and he goes "Honey, put the Frosted Flakes away" :blink: Thats the spirit Bondie girl, these jokes are just for fun!

:thumbup :thumbup :D :D :hat :thumbup yeah i know, I'm not offended by them at all. I actually think some of them are pretty funny.

 

How about this one:

 

What is the first thing a blonde does when she wakes up?

 

Goes home.

:blink: whoever made that up is mean :p

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A Blonde Flying High

 

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

 

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

 

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

 

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

 

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," and then gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

 

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Houston."

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