February 15, 200422 yr Yankees Buy 2004 World Series Title In reaction to the Red Sox super signing of right handed designated hitter Ellis Burks, the New York Yankees respond by acquiring Alex Rodriguez. With the recent acquisition of Alex Rodriguez the Yankee team has surely won the 2004 World Series. How so? With a payroll larger than the gross national product of Sri Lanka and Taiwan combined, it is a most certain conclusion. In fact, Bud Selig at a press conference after the trade was announced said, ?In order to save money on shipping costs, we are sending the World Series trophy now to the Yankees. I understand that it is a bit early, but the Yankees literally bought the World Series. And yes, we are using Fed Ex.? However, word has it the Yankee owner, George Steinbrenner, is not pleased that the Yankees failed to win other titles, those being the Stanley Cup, the NBA Championship, and the Super Bowl. ?This Yankee team is capable of more?, said Steinbrenner, ?I anticipate a trade of Todd Helton, because he can play first base and quarterback, and possible a trade for Yao Ming, because he?s a great basketball player and I am sure he has a herky jerky Asian delivery, so he can be our seventh starter.? Furthermore, because negative 4 teams miss the NHL playoffs, the Yankees merely entering the NHL puts them in the playoffs and Stanley Cup contention. Steinbrenner proudly said, ?And that is not all. Soon the Yankees will broaden their international market by competing with Manchester United!? Even though this presents difficulties with the Yes Network, Steinbrenner?s global assault on sports appears to be a total war. Theo Epstein, a bawling Boston Red Sox GM said, ?Hitler had a war on two fronts and lost. Those who don?t learn from history are failed to repeat it.? Whether this will apply to Steinbrenner and his Yankees is unknown. http://www.xanga.com/craigramblings
February 15, 200422 yr be careful with projections, though. the onion also projected last year that the yanks were assured of winning the world series, but they were proved wrong: NEW YORK?With a week to go before pitchers and catchers report for spring training, the New York Yankees shored up their pitching, hitting, and defense Monday by signing every player in professional baseball. Above: Some of the New York Yankees' newest additions are introduced to the press. "We'd like to welcome the entire roster of Major League Baseball into the Yankees family," said team owner George Steinbrenner, watching as the franchise's 928 newest additions held up their pinstripes at a Yankee Stadium press conference. "With these acquisitions, we are in position to finally nab that elusive 27th World Series title." Sports reporters were not surprised by the move. "This is not entirely unexpected," New York Times baseball writer Murray Chass said. "When the Yankees followed up their signing of Japanese slugger Hideki 'Godzilla' Matsui by annexing Cuba for use as a Triple-A farm club, it was clear that Steinbrenner was willing to do whatever it takes to win." By noon, Yankees GM Brian Cashman had signed the entire National League and most of the American League to multi-year contracts. Some 10 hours later, the final opposing player, Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez, had been acquired by the Yankees, who bought out the remainder of his $252 million contract for $300 million. "It's an honor to be part of this team," said catcher Benito Santiago, picked up from the San Francisco Giants as insurance in case catchers Jorge Posada, Ivan Rodriguez, and Mike Piazza all go down with injuries. "It's a surprise, certainly, but I'd be crazy to turn down the opportunity to play on what is, by default, the greatest team in baseball." Yankees manager Joe Torre, whose pitching rotation, prior to the mass signing, lacked a clear seventh ace, now has the luxury of starting each of his hurlers twice a season. "As they say, you can never have enough pitching in this league," Torre said. "Especially come playoff time. Now, if we make it to the World Series, we'll be able to start Pedro Martinez in Game 1 and still have him fresh and ready to go for a Game 287, should it be necessary." With so many egos to juggle and so many personnel decisions to make, Torre said his job will actually be harder this season, the lack of opposing players notwithstanding. "Hey, I don't care who you've got on your team; winning in this league is tough?Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Randy Johnson or no Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Randy Johnson," Torre said. "And it's even tougher in New York. This is a baseball town, and some of these fans think the Yankees are the only team in baseball. Now that we truly are, the pressure to win will be that much greater." The mass signing, extravagant even by Yankees standards, caused the Bronx Bombers' payroll to skyrocket from a former league high of $149 million to $5.6 billion. Cashman noted that much of that figure is tied up in bonuses to be paid out to pitcher Tom Glavine, who at 37 will almost certainly not play out the entirety of his 15-year contract. Baseball commissioner Bud Selig approved the signing, noting that the other 29 major-league teams received ample financial compensation. "I see no reason why a small-market team like the Twins or Expos can't continue to remain competitive, just because it lacks players," Selig said. "The league was due for contraction, anyway."
February 16, 200422 yr Author they did win the pennant! I didn't know what I wrote was so close to the idea of that onion article. It was a joke between my brother and I so I wrote it down.
February 16, 200422 yr Author It's gonna be even funnier when the Yankees lose the WS.....again. did you read the article...we already won it, its in the mail.
February 16, 200422 yr thats what I get for not reading the whole article! doh. Oh well, Marlins can at least try winnin the pennant.
February 16, 200422 yr when steinbrenner dies the yankees will be screwed for a couple of years i think because the next owner won't want to spend as much and there will be no more prospects in the system.
February 16, 200422 yr Author when steinbrenner dies the yankees will be screwed for a couple of years i think because the next owner won't want to spend as much and there will be no more prospects in the system. steinbrenner the XIV will take over...there's more and it scares me. Supposedly his kids aren't nuts.
February 16, 200422 yr when steinbrenner dies the yankees will be screwed for a couple of years i think because the next owner won't want to spend as much and there will be no more prospects in the system. steinbrenner the XIV will take over...there's more and it scares me. Supposedly his kids aren't nuts. yea i figured one of his kids would take over. They would sell the team probably though. my second cousin is married to Steinbrenner's daughter. He has it easy.
February 16, 200422 yr when steinbrenner dies :shifty You're a little late, he's been replaced by a hologram for 10 years. Everyone knows that.
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