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The Things Kids Say


JBurque
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*A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

 

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child

innocently.

 

You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it

didn't move."

 

 

 

 

*A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

 

Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."

 

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

 

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

 

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

 

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

 

"WHAT!"

 

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

 

 

 

 

*An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,

finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said,

"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door

until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

 

 

 

 

*A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,

"Two plus five, that son of a b itch is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a b itch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you

teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that

son of a b itch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,

two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

 

 

 

 

*One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken

Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little

tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken

Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is

falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class,

"And what do you think that farmer said?"

 

One little girl raised her hand and said,

"I think he said: 'Holy S hit! A talking chicken!'"

 

 

 

*A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the

boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too

rough."

 

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,

"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

 

 

 

 

*A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,

eating a snack cake

The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your

Twinkie."

 

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

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*One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken

Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little

tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken

Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is

falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class,

"And what do you think that farmer said?"

 

One little girl raised her hand and said,

"I think he said: 'Holy S hit! A talking chicken!'"

 

LMAO! :lol

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