1. Tampa Bay Rays (4-6; Previous: 1) ? Rays on opening night raise three banners: 2008 AL East championship, 2008 AL pennant, and the 1984 AL West flag they swiped last July during that crazy weekend in Kansas City.
2. Boston Red Sox (3-6; Previous: 2) ? Beckett rues missing an unsuspecting Abreu, prepares for next start against Angels by whipping rocks at distracted baby ducks.
3. Chicago Cubs (5-4; Previous: 3) ? Experts consult book of curses and witchcraft, say best way to mollify dead angry goat probably isn't to slay descendant, then string him up on bronze statue of famous guy. Book says team instead should consider Marmol in ninth.
4. Philadelphia Phillies (4-4; Previous: 4) ? Matt Stairs, on the hidden strategy, precision and finesse required in the batter's box: "I try to hit every ball as far as I can." OK, then there's that.
5. New York Yankees (5-5; Previous: 5) ? After fans chant, "Move that bus! Move that bus!", George Steinbrenner bursts into tears at sight of brand new ballpark.
6. Los Angeles Dodgers (6-3; Previous: 8) ? Clayton Kershaw strikes out 13 Giants, guesses that's about nine in big league currency.
7. New York Mets (4-5; Previous: 7) ? Mets open Citi Field with a loss, complain new ballpark smell left them feeling a little nauseous.
8. Los Angeles Angels (4-5; Previous: 6) ? Scioscia ignores Fuentes in obvious save situation, explains he's keeping him fresh for later in season. Declines to say which season.
9. Florida Marlins (8-1; Previous: 15) ? Marlins mindful of not playing too well, lest management gets any ideas about trading all their good players.
That's right. Even though we have the best record in baseball, we are still behind two of our division opponents. :lol
(I know Power Rankings are meaningless. It's still funny to laugh at them.)