We love you, Shaq -- as long as you win

 

DAVE BARRY

 

dbarry@herald.com

 

 

Dear Shaq:

 

Welcome to the Heat! You're going to love South Florida. The fans down here are terrific! We're with you, win or lose.

 

OK, I'm lying. We're only with you if you win. Oh, we'll cut you some slack for a while -- I'm thinking, in your case, two weeks -- but after that you will pretty much have to provide us with an NBA championship.

 

Because we really, REALLY like winners down here, Shaq. When the Panthers were winning, we even loved ice hockey, for a period of several hours.

 

And we loved Don Shula. He was a winner, and the people of South Florida worshiped him as a god. I do not mean that figuratively, Shaq: Goats were sacrificed.

 

But after a while -- even though Don was still winning -- we decided that he was not winning enough. The sports-talk radio callers -- there are only eight of them, Shaq, but they are extremely powerful -- turned against him. And so we discarded Don Shula, winningest NFL coach ever, like a used Handi-Wipe.

 

But you don't need to worry about that right now, Shaq, because right now we think you're a winner. We love your Buick-size self, and we will do anything we can to please you. Would you like a new arena? Say the word! It's no trouble! We build them for the Heat all the time!

 

Because we want you to love it here in South Florida. It's a great place to live, Shaq. It's the kind of place where you wake up every morning, open your eyes, and say: ``What the HELL is that thing on my ceiling?''

 

It's probably just a lizard, Shaq. They're everywhere down here, and they're perfectly harmless.

 

Unless you lose.

 

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/sport...all/9167844.htm

So true...if the heat suck this year Shaq will be buried alive along with pat riley...and everybody will be like yea man i was one of the ones that oposed that trade but they woudnt listen to me...Miami can be Heaven or Hell...Shaq "just win baby"...

gotta love Miami :plain

Dave Barry Pwns.

florida=worst sports state in the country.

it was a little exaggerated but it's true.

 

the bar is definitely highered for next year and there's gonna be a lot of pressure on this team to win. i think they'll be fine though.

That was hilarious and true. :lol :plain