A teacher in a small Texas town asks her class how many of them

are George Bush fans. Not really knowing what a George Bush fan

is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their

hands except one boy.

 

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny

says, "I'm not a George Bush fan."

 

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a George Bush fan?" Johnny says,

"I'm a John Kerry fan."

 

The teacher asks why he's a John Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my

mom's a John Kerry fan and my dad's a John Kerry fan, so I'm a John

Kerry fan!"

 

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she asks, "What

if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that

make you?"

 

Johnny says, "That would make me a George Bush fan."

 

 

:rofl :rofl

don't we have a humor forum? c'mon 'Lina...

Somebody posted this yesterday except instead of John Kerry they put Marlins and instead of Bush they put Yankees.

don't we have a humor forum? c'mon 'Lina...

Last time I put a political joke in humor, they moved it here! So I saved the mods a step. :thumbup

that sucks...you just switched the words... :thumbdown

Can anyone provide a link to the joke you are referring to? I'd like to see it?

 

:mischief

Can anyone provide a link to the joke you are referring to? I'd like to see it?

 

:mischief

Sure.

I've hear that joke before, but it's been told diffenent ways though. I've mostly heard it the Bush/Kerry way, I've also heard it the Yankees/Red Sox way too.

You know what's funny about the joke is that there is actually a School Teacher out there that is a Bush fan.

 

Especially since most of them b**** about the No-Child-Left-Behind Act because they actually have to do their job.

Especially since most of them b**** about the No-Child-Left-Behind Act because they actually have to do their job.

 

Thats arguably one of the silliest assesments of that plan Ive ever heard.

What does your Dad do?

 

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the

children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers

came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc. David

was being uncharacteristically quiet so the teacher asked him about

his father.

 

"My Father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his

clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good,

he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for

money."

 

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the

other children to work on some exercises and took little David

aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your Father?"

"No," said David, "He works for the Kerry campaign but I was

to embarrassed too say that in front of the other kids."

 

 

:lol :lol :lol

Especially since most of them b**** about the No-Child-Left-Behind Act because they actually have to do their job.

 

Thats arguably one of the silliest assesments of that plan Ive ever heard. Ok...since I have to give you a whole blue print of what this 'evil' document is. Here you go.

 

Creates strong standards in each state for what every child should know and learn in reading and math in grades 3-8. Student progress and achievement will be measured for every child, every year.

 

Results from these tests will be made available in annual report cards so parents can measure school performance and statewide progress, evaluate the quality of their child's school, the qualifications of teachers, and their child's progress in key subjects.

Statewide reports will show progress for all student groups in closing achievement gaps between disadvantaged students and other groups of students.

Schools will be held accountable for improving performance of all student groups, so every school will be performing at proficient levels within 12 years.

? Unprecedented State & Local Flexibility & Reduced Red Tape: Provides new flexibility for all 50 states and every local school district in America in the use of federal education funds.

 

Every local school district in America and all 50 states will receive the freedom to target up to 50 percent of federal non-Title I dollars to programs that will have the most positive impact on the students they serve.

The new law consolidates and streamlines programs and targets resources to existing programs that serve poor students, reducing the overall number of ESEA programs from 55 to 45.

? Focusing Resources on Proven Educational Methods: Focuses educational dollars on proven, research-based approaches that will most help children to learn.

 

Implements President Bush's Reading First initiative by increasing federal funding for reading programs from $300 million in FY 2001 to more than $900 million in FY 2002, and tying federal funding to the use of scientifically-proven methods of reading instruction.

Implements a new Early Reading First program to support early language, literacy, and pre-reading development of preschool-age children, particularly those from low-income families.

Strengthens teacher quality by providing $2.8 billion for teacher quality programs and allowing local school districts to use additional federal funds to hire new teachers, increase teacher pay, improve teacher training and development or other uses.

? Expanded Choices for Parents: Enhances options for parents with children in chronically failing schools - and makes these options available immediately in the 2002-03 school year for students in thousands of schools already identified as failing under current law.

 

Public/Charter School Choice: Once a school is identified as failing, parents will be allowed to transfer their child to a better-performing public or charter school.

Supplemental Services: For the first time, federal Title I funds (approximately $500 to $1,000 per child) can be used to provide supplemental educational services - including tutoring, after school services, and summer school programs - for children in failing schools. Services can be provided by faith- and community-based organizations.

Charter Schools: Expands the charter school initiative, creating more opportunities for parents, educators and interested community leaders to create schools outside the education establishment.

Accountability for Results

 

Problem

 

? Since the original Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA) was signed into law in 1965, the federal government has spent more than $130 billion to improve public schools.

 

? Unfortunately, this investment in education has not reduced the achievement gap between well-off and lower-income students or between minority students and non-minority students.

 

Solution

 

The NCLB Act will strengthen Title I accountability by requiring States to implement statewide accountability systems covering all public schools and students.

 

? These systems must be based on challenging State standards in reading and mathematics, annual testing for all students in grades 3-8, and annual statewide progress objectives ensuring that all groups of students reach proficiency within 12 years.

 

? Assessment results and State progress objectives must be broken out by student groups based on poverty, race and ethnicity, disability, and limited English proficiency to ensure that no group is left behind.

 

? School districts and schools that fail to make adequate yearly progress (AYP) toward statewide proficiency goals will over time be subject to corrective action and restructuring measures aimed at getting them back on course to meet State standards.

 

? If a school fails to make AYP for two consecutive years, it will be identified as needing improvement and must develop improvement plans incorporating strategies from scientifically based research. School districts will be required to offer public school choice (unless prohibited by state law) to all students in the failing school no later than the first day of the school year following identification. The district must provide transportation to the new school.

 

? If a school fails to make AYP for a third consecutive year, the district must continue to offer public school choice and provide Title I funds (approximately $500 to $1,000 per child) for low-achieving disadvantaged students in the school to obtain supplemental services -- tutoring, after school services, or summer school programs -- from the public- or private-sector provider selected by their parents from a State-approved list. Twenty percent of Title I funds at the local school district level must be used for public school choice and supplemental services.

 

? If a school fails to make AYP for a fourth consecutive year, it will be subject to increasingly tough corrective actions-such as replacing school staff or significantly decreasing management authority at the school level. If a school continues to fail, the school could ultimately face restructuring, which involves a fundamental change in governance, such as a State takeover or placement under private management.

 

? Schools that meet or exceed AYP objectives or close achievement gaps will be eligible for State Academic Achievement Awards.

 

Unprecedented State & Local Flexibility

 

Problem

 

? For too long, federal education programs have come with unfunded federal mandates, one-size-fits-all approaches, and unnecessary and duplicative paperwork.

 

? When the Elementary and Secondary Education Act was reauthorized in 1994, for example, states were required to regularly test public school students in reading and math. But this federal requirement did not come with the necessary flexibility and resources for states to focus their education strategies on what works to improve student achievement.

 

Solution

 

The No Child Left Behind Act provides unprecedented new flexibility for all 50 states and every local school district in America in the use of federal education funds. It will revitalize the "flexibility for accountability" agreement with States first struck by President George H.W. Bush during his historic 1989 education summit with the Nation's Governors at Charlottesville, Virginia. While prior flexibility efforts have focused on waiving some program requirements, the NCLB Act moves beyond this limited approach to give States and school districts unprecedented flexibility in the use of Federal education funds in exchange for strong accountability for results. No Child Left Behind in essence moves decision making away from Washington, D.C., and empowers states and local districts to make more decisions with federal funds for goals such as teacher quality, English language proficiency, technology, and after school enrichment.

 

? The Department of Education administers four major state grant programs -- Teacher Quality State Grants, Educational Technology, Innovative Programs, and Safe and Drug-Free Schools. New flexibility provisions in the NCLB Act will allow every school district in America to transfer up to 50 percent of the federal funding they receive between any one of these programs or to Title I. This will allow school districts to put resources into the programs that most closely match their unique local needs. States will be permitted to transfer may transfer up to 50 percent of their State administrative funding this way.

 

? The new law also includes a competitive State Flexibility Demonstration Program that permits up to seven States to consolidate the State administration and State activity funds from a variety of ESEA programs, including: the Innovative Programs Block Grant; the state administration components of Title I, Part A Grants (Education for the Disadvantaged); and the state administration and state activities components of Title I Part B (Reading First and Even Start). Participating States must enter an agreement with the Secretary covering the use of the consolidated funds, which may be used for any educational purpose authorized under the ESEA. As part of their plans, States also must enter into up to ten local performance agreements with districts, which will enjoy the same level of flexibility granted under the separate Local Flexibility Demonstration Program.

 

? A new Local Flexibility Demonstration Program would allow up 150 school districts to consolidate funds received under Teacher Quality State Grants, Educational Technology State Grants, Innovative Programs, and the Safe and Drug-Free Schools programs. Participating districts would enter into performance agreements with the Secretary of Education, and would be able to use the consolidated funds for any ESEA-authorized purpose.

 

Focusing Resources on Proven Educational Methods

 

Problem

 

? Not enough attention has been focused on ensuring that education dollars are invested in programs that are research-based and proven to be effective in educating our children - particularly on proven approaches to reading and math instruction.

 

? Federal education policy has often focused on adding new programs, rather than investing more resources into proven approaches that work. Over the years, programs authorized under the Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA) expanded from 6 in 1965 to 55 in 2001.

 

Solution

 

Putting Reading First

 

? The No Child Left Behind Act implements President Bush's unequivocal commitment to ensuring that every child can read by the third grade. To accomplish this goal, the new Reading First initiative will significantly increase the Federal investment in scientifically based reading instruction programs in the early grades. One major benefit of this approach will be reduced identification of children for special education services due to a lack of appropriate reading instruction in their early years.

 

? The NCLB Act fully implements the President's Reading First initiative. The new Reading First State Grant program will make 6-year grants to States, which will make competitive subgrants to local communities. Local recipients will administer screening and diagnostic assessments to determine which students in grades K-3 are at risk of reading failure, and provide professional development for K-3 teachers in the essential components of reading instruction.

 

? The new Early Reading First program will make competitive 6-year awards to districts to support early language, literacy, and pre-reading development of preschool-age children, particularly those from low-income families. Recipients will use instructional strategies and professional development drawn from scientifically based reading research to help young children to attain the fundamental knowledge and skills they will need for optimal reading development in kindergarten and beyond.

 

Consolidating and Streamlining Federal Education Programs

 

? The No Child Left Behind Act consolidates and streamlines programs and targets resources to existing programs that serve poor students. It reduces the overall number of Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA) programs from the 55 to 45 - ensuring that education dollars will be more carefully targeted.

 

? Improving Teacher Quality: NCLB combines the Eisenhower Professional Development and Class Size Reduction programs into a new Improving Teacher Quality State Grants program that focuses on using practices grounded in scientifically based research to prepare, train, and recruit high-quality teachers. The new program gives States and districts flexibility to select the strategies that best meet their particular needs for improved teaching that will help them raise student achievement in the core academic subjects. In return for this flexibility, districts are required to demonstrate annual progress in ensuring that all teachers teaching in core academic subjects within the State are highly qualified.

 

? Improving Bilingual Education: The NCLB Act also simplifies Federal support for English language instruction by combining categorical bilingual and immigrant education grants, which previously benefited only a small percentage of limited English proficient students in relatively few schools, into a State formula program. The new formula program will facilitate comprehensive planning by States and school districts to ensure implementation of programs that benefit all limited English proficient students by helping them learn English and meet the same high academic standards as other students. The NCLB Act also inserts strong accountability into programs for bilingual students, requiring states to test limited English proficient children for reading and language arts in English after they have attended school in the United States for three consecutive years.

 

? Improving the Safe and Drug-Free Schools Program: NCLB improves efforts to keep schools safe and drug-free, while at the same time ensuring that students-particularly those who have been victims of violent crimes on school grounds-are not trapped in persistently dangerous schools. As passed in No Child Left Behind, States must allow students who attend a persistently dangerous school, or who are victims of violent crime at school, to transfer to a safe school. States also must report school safety statistics to the public on a school-by-school basis, and districts must use Federal Safe and Drug-Free Schools and Communities funding to implement drug and violence prevention programs of demonstrated effectiveness.

 

Historic Progress on Improved Educational Choices

and Options for Parents

 

Problem

 

? Too often, especially in low-income and minority areas, parents find their children trapped in persistently failing and dangerous public schools and have little or no recourse.

 

Solution

 

The No Child Left Behind Act makes historic progress in providing real choices for parents with children in chronically failing or unsafe schools. Expanding school choice and supplemental services will provide a substantial incentive for low-performing schools to improve. In order to avoid losing students-along with the portion of their annual budgets typically associated with those students- schools will have to improve or, if they fail to make Adequate Yearly Progress for 5 years, they run the risk of reconstitution under a restructuring plan. These new options will be made available immediately (for the 2002-03 school year) for students in thousands of schools already identified as failing under current law.

 

? School Choice: Districts must give students attending schools that are failing for at least two years the opportunity to attend a better public school, which may include a public charter school, within the school district.

 

? Support for Supplemental Services: For students attending persistently failing schools (those that have failed to meet State standards for at least 3 of the 4 preceding years), districts must provide Title I funds (approximately $500 to $1,000 per child) for low-achieving disadvantaged students in the school to obtain supplemental services -- tutoring, after school services, or summer school programs -- from the public- or private-sector provider selected by their parents from a State-approved list. Providers must meet State standards and offer services tailored to help participating students meet challenging State academic standards. To help ensure that districts offer meaningful choices, the new law requires school districts to spend up to 20 percent of their Title I allocations to provide public school choice and supplemental educational services to eligible students.

 

? Charter Schools: Expands the charter schools initiative, expanding opportunities for parents, educators and interested community leaders to create schools outside the education establishment. Authorizes $300 million in federal funds to states and local communities to help fund charter schools. Authorizes $150 million for the Charter School Facility Demonstration Project, which encourages schools and States to develop innovative approaches to funding charter school construction and infrastructure needs.

 

You don't have to read the whole thing. It's too boring I guess.

 

Just listen to whatever Democrat has to say about it and how evil it really is. It's an act to assure that a child is improving in their reading, writing and math skills. Now is that not a Teacher's job?

What does your Dad do?

 

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the

children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers

came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc. David

was being uncharacteristically quiet so the teacher asked him about

his father.

 

"My Father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his

clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good,

he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for

money."

 

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the

other children to work on some exercises and took little David

aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your Father?"

"No," said David, "He works for the Kerry campaign but I was

to embarrassed too say that in front of the other kids."

 

 

:lol :lol :lol

lmao

LOL..Good one

What does your Dad do?

 

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the

children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers

came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc. David

was being uncharacteristically quiet so the teacher asked him about

his father.

 

"My Father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his

clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good,

he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for

money."

 

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the

other children to work on some exercises and took little David

aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your Father?"

"No," said David, "He works for the Kerry campaign but I was

to embarrassed too say that in front of the other kids."

 

 

:lol :lol :lol

Wasn't this joke about the 49ers? or some other football team?

What does your Dad do?

 

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the

children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers

came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc. David

was being uncharacteristically quiet so the teacher asked him about

his father.

 

"My Father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his

clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good,

he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for

money."

 

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the

other children to work on some exercises and took little David

aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your Father?"

"No," said David, "He works for the Kerry campaign but I was

to embarrassed too say that in front of the other kids."

 

 

:lol :lol :lol

 

 

 

Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc... Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

 

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."

 

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," said Johnny, "He plays for the New York Yankees, but after being beat by the Marlins, I was too embarrassed to say so."

 

 

 

 

Close enough...

 

 

 

http://www.marlinbaseball.com/forums/index...=9347&hl=exotic

 

:lol :lol :lol

Wasn't this joke about the 49ers? or some other football team?

Yes....I've heard it before but with different endings...it's a generic joke.

 

 

good, nonetheless.. :thumbup

There was a kid who was at his school in the library, he was looking for a Harry Potter book. He cannot find it, so he asks the librarian "Do you know where I can find a Harry Potter book?" and the librarian says "Oh, sorry kid...There were parents calling us saying they don't want Harry Potter in the school library because some kids are afraid of Witchcraft, so we got rid of them." Then the next day, he wants to look up a book on the Holocaust in WWII. He then asks the librarian, "What book can I find on the Jewish Holocaust?"..The librarian then says "Oh, there aren't any here, there were parents that don't want books about the Holocaust because they say there are some kids who are frightened when they hear about the history of Nazis and how they cooked innocent people in ovens. So we got rid of the books about that subject."

 

The boy goes home and tells his dad about the situation. His dad the next day goes into the school with his pickup truck and he starts going into every class and knocking teachers out with a crowbar and puting them in the back of his truck so he can imprison and lock them up in his house. The librarian comes out and sees the father and says "OH MY GOD!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The father responds "Well, there are some kids that are frightened of Extreme Liberal Thinking, So I'm getting rid of all the teachers."

:homer

 

 

 

wow..... :thumbup

I've merged all 3 Political Joke threads to form an official "Political Jokes" thread...

 

 

 

Enjoy...

American History 101

 

 

It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

 

"Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me Death' ?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki's

 

"Patrick Henry 1775," he said.

 

"Very good! Who said '...government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"

 

Again, no response, except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

 

The teacher snapped, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

 

She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs."

 

"Who said that?" she demanded.

 

Suzuki raised his hand: "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

 

At that point a student said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Who said that?"

 

Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

 

Furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

 

Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

 

With near mob hysteria, someone screams, "You little s***. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

 

Suzuki yells, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

 

At this, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her.

 

One of the kids says, "Oh s***, we're in BIG trouble!"

 

Suzuki says, "Arthur Andersen, 2002."

A Guide to U.S. Newspapers

 

 

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

 

2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

 

3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.

 

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.

 

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.

 

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

 

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

 

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

 

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.

 

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

 

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

 

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.

 

Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats

Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

 

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

 

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.

 

Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats

Bwahahaha!!!

HOW TO BE A GOOD REPUBLICAN

 

 

1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault.

 

2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

 

3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

 

4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.

 

5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.

 

6. You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says.

 

7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

 

8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.

 

9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

 

10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.

 

11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

 

12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.

 

13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.

 

14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

 

15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.

 

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

 

17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.

 

18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.