from slamonline.com/links

 

"After 18 years, for them to stoop to that kind of level, that's no class. And that's something I'll never forget. It's bull, really. I was surprised that Admin Miller would be involved in it. That kind of stuff there is like pathetic. If an athlete would have did that, we'd have been talking about it for the rest of the year on SportsCenter. That's disrespectful. And I'll never forgive them for that. I guarantee you, I'll have the last say on this. You can print that. That little skit they did, it'll cost them, I guarantee you." -- Karl Malone, on his former team, the Jazz, doing a skit about him leaving town when the Lakers played there recently.

 

"Her name is Susan. Sometimes, I forget." -- Lawrence Frank, workaholic Nets coach, on his wife.

 

"If you can't stick with us, I'm sorry. This is not something that we're intentionally doing. This is not the showing that we want to have. Man. Have a little trust in us. If you don't, well, sorry. If you're not happy with us, I'm sorry. We're not happy with our performance either. It's not like we came in here and said, well, that day is over and let's get ready for the next one. Nope. We're pretty darn pissed about our last one." -- Vince Carter.

 

"He's like a mini Charles Barkley." -- Bob Cousy, on Brandon Hunter, who is three inches taller than Barkley.

 

"It was a TNT game. I wanted to keep things exciting." -- Vlade Divac, on scoring 13 points, with 9 rebounds and 9 assists.

 

"I don't even know what they said this time." -- Jeff Trepagnier, Nuggets guard, on why he was put on the injured list.

 

"For 48 minutes he really did it tonight. And I tried to give him the ball every time down the floor. I mean, I wasn't going to let anyone else pass him the ball because I wanted all of the assists." -- Damon Jones, on Michael Redd's 40 point game last night.

 

"This franchise has been here for a long time. It's not going to leave because Ron Artest said it should leave." -- Stephen Jackson, after Artest mentioned the Hawks should move to get more fan support.

 

"I remember my first year in La Crosse (Wis.), we checked into the hotel in Pensacola (Fla.), the guy walked in and turned on the air conditioner and the hotel caught on fire." -- Flip Saunders, on coaching in the CBA.

 

"I just have to like the way it looks. I don't even have to like the guy to buy his throwback. For instance, I have a Bill Walton throwback." -- Jason Williams.

 

"Carson, if you're watching, I would prefer to be called a big, young, strapping lad." -- Charles Barkley, on being called "cute" by Carson Kressley from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

 

"I have not, on the record, ever seen Mo Williams dunk. And you can print that." -- Raja Bell, after Jazz guard Mo Williams said Bell was grading the dunks of his teammates on a tough scale.

 

"I can play inside the red (zone) and only inside the red and only run straight routes. Nobody's going to out-jump me. I'd be the best in-the-red-zone wide receiver ever to play. Tell Peyton that. Think about it. Peyton, Edgerrin (James), Reggie Wayne, Marvin Harrison and me." -- Jermaine O'Neal, on playing for the Indianapolis Colts.

 

"No, no, no. Do not even go there. Oh, man, I knew it. No. No. No." -- Maurice Taylor, after it was pointed out that Kelvin Cato could be considered a point-center.

 

"Right there in the front, he has a war he cannot win. There are like five strings there." -- Charles Barkley, on Jeff Van Gundy's hair.

 

"I'm the smartest person on this set. You two are just here for decorations." -- Barkley, to Kenny Smith and Ernie Johnson.

 

"I like the foreign players. They play really hard and they don't have posses. They come over hear and they work hard...and they are not spoiled. America is the greatest country in the world, but we are some spoiled S.O.B.'s." -- Barkley.

 

"If you think Tony Parker is better than Manu Ginobili, you need to stop drinking before you come in here." -- Barkley, to Kenny.

 

"It was a great trade. I was glad to be out of the black hole. It was terrible over there. The organization. No system. The town. Everything. The GM. All of it is kind of backward. It's good to be in a winning organization that has a system and knows what's going on." -- Ricky Davis, on leaving Cleveland behind.

 

Isiah Thomas: "I've got some bad news. We're trading you to Phoenix."

Antonio McDyess: "What's the bad news?"

 

"I go out to eat, and people come up to me and say, 'Don't worry about it, Steve. Don't listen to what they say.' I mean, all the time. Old black guys come up to me all the time, they're telling me about it. I'm like, 'There's got to be something out there they're listening to or reading or seeing on TV.' That's the only way I found out. My friends didn't say anything. But people come up to me a lot, I mean a whole lot." -- Steve Francis.

 

"I just think people need to realize that every team is going to have one or two guys who go through things at any given time. As teammates, a franchise and hopefully as fans, you can take the bitter with the sweet and be there on the other side when the tough times go away." -- Kenny "Mr. Chibbs" Anderson, mixing metaphors like nobody's business.

 

"How much did you have to pay to get that? Oh, I get it, you agreed to work 20 years for the organization for free." -- Bill Laimbeer, on the Celtics retiring the number of Cedric Maxwell.

 

"Come on, man, why can't you just say congratulations, like everybody else?" -- Maxwell's response.

 

"Just tell me. Did you do it on purpose?" -- Danny Ainge, to then-Celtics coach Jim O'Brien after O'Brien hit his boss's Acura with his Escalade in the Celtics parking lot.

 

"That was Denver's fault. They're so young they didn't even know how to slow the game down. They were up seven with a minute left and were still trying to run and gun...the Lakers got away with murder last night...like OJ." -- Charles Barkley, on a Lakers win over Denver.

 

"We're aware that the league has allowed Chris Webber the ability to come back without having to show up first [to play] and then get suspended. We know these things and wonder why those things happen." -- Phil Jackson.

 

"Someday Amare will go through it. I had two ankle surgeries. But I can't get mad at him for not knowing. I can't get mad at my daughter for not knowing how to go the bathroom." -- Stephon Marbury, after Amare Stoudemire criticized Steph for missing too many practices.

 

"The general manager we have needs to take notes from me. Why am I so hard on him? I'm not hard on him. It's not a jab, buddy, it's a fact. Because if I was general manager, with a team like this, there'd be no problems. No problems with the Diesel, no problems with the coach, no problems with the Kobester, no problems with the owner." -- Shaq.

 

"Manu Ginobili flops, Bruce Bowen flops. I'm no flopper. I play ball. The refs are stupid for even buying into it. You walk up to them and say, 'Did you see that flop?' And they say, 'Yeah, I know, I'll get it the next time.' But then they do it again about three or four times a game. It changes the whole momentum. Be consistent if you're a referee. You take (refereeing) classes in the summertime. There's some calls I can't believe they even make. Then they go down to the other end, and it's just retarded. Competence is one thing, but incompetence is another." -- Cat Mobley.

 

"Ben Affleck's been talking that bull ever since Jennifer Lopez left him. Tell him don't worry about it, the Bronx Bombers is where it's at. He wants to be a Yankees' fan, that's why he was with a New York girl. I was a fan back when the Yankees weren't doing anything during the 1980s and no one was saying anything back then. Now that they are winning, people want to say something. If the Red Sox would've gotten A-Rod, [many fans] would've been, 'Yeah for the Red Sox.' But now the Yankees have him. Sorry Ben Affleck." -- Eric Williams, on Affleck's comments that the Yankees are bad for baseball.

 

"That's the whole purpose of his name 3000. He's ahead of his time. We're all just living in his world and trying to catch up." -- Darvin Ham, on Andre 3000.

 

"If something happens...then it happens." -- Carlos Arroyo, confused, after being informed that he can't be traded because of his contractual status.

 

"People say my game wasn't where it should have been, but...sometimes (circumstances prevent) you from getting to a place where you want to be. So for Ray to say that I never stepped up is cowardly. Go ahead and print that. Because when I see Ray, I'm going to choke the (heck) out of him." -- Tim Thomas, on his tenure in Milwaukee.

 

"Tim Thomas is about excuses. It's always somebody else's fault. He said I was jealous? He should thank me for helping him get that contract. He said I didn't show? They traded me, they traded Ray, they traded Big Dog [Robinson] and Tim Thomas still wasn't the man on that team. Michael Redd became the man there. I think I'm doing quite well for myself here. Right now, he needs to focus on his game. Right now, he's not a good basketball player. And I like Tim Thomas. He just has too many damn excuses." -- Sam Cassell.

 

"If the guy can't take somebody saying the truth about him, then what are you? You just want yes-men around you all day long? That's what it seems like he wants, yes-men to say, 'Tim you're great. You're doing this and that.' Nah, that's not the case. Tim was getting paid $10 million a year, and he's only averaging 13 points a game. That's not good enough. I don't care how you look at it. I think he got in the New York media, and he tried to make excuses for everything he didn't do right." -- Ray Allen, on Tim Thomas saying he would choke Allen.

 

CHARLES BARKLEY: "Byron Scott just got out of the hospital."

ERNIE JOHNSON: "For what?"

BARKLEY: "He got stabbed in the back."

 

"I'm the type that when I mess up, I take full blame. And I messed up. I just couldn't make it yesterday. I was on the highway and the chicken truck flipped over and there was egg yolk and feathers all over the highway. It was something that I couldn't get around. It was 'bawk-bawk' all over the highway." -- Shaq, on missing practice yesterday.

 

"I'm not turning my back on Phil. He's the guy that took me to the next level, and he's the guy that's going to continue to take me to the next level, and nobody else can do that for me. I don't (care) if we lose 115 games in a row, Phil's my guy -- period. And me being the general of this army, I'll never work for another president. So if Bush is gone, I'm gone. Phil's my guy." -- Shaq, on Phil Jackson.

 

"I was really pushing for something interesting, like chronic dandruff." -- Mark Pope, on being placed on Denver's injured list with tendonitis.

 

"It's hard to actually say what would impress me unless I'm actually watching the dunks, because it's tough to imagine them. Like if somebody takes off outside the box, one hand, no big deal. But if he does it backward, that would be something. I would just look for something original with some difficulty. Kind of like swimming, same criteria." -- Vince Carter, on the dunk contest.

 

"Anyway, it will be fun just to be there, pretty good experience, just to talk with superstars, ask some advice, maybe catch something, record it on your brain." -- Andrei Kirilenko, on All-Star Weekend.

 

"It became kind of a smear campaign. But it smeared Rick right into a $4 million-a-year job and it smeared me into a $2 million-a-year job. So we don't feel too smeared." -- Kevin O'Neill, on himself and Rick Carlisle being fired in Detroit.

 

"I ain't no shooting guard. That isn't going to work." -- Ruben Patterson.

 

"Danny Ainge called me today. I have to apologize to him. Even though he's doing a crappy job, he doesn't want me to say that on TV. Danny Ainge is a good friend of mine. He's made some terrible trades, but he doesn't want me to say that on TV, so I apologize." -- Barkley.

 

"I slept too much today at the Ritz-Carlton. I opened the curtain and that breeze just knocked me out. I was just sleeping all day (after shootaround). Next thing I know, it's 4:30. That Miami breeze was sort of like crack." -- Shaq, on why he had a lethargic start to the game last night.

 

"Just what I've seen in the movies." -- Shaq, on his previous experience with crack.

 

"I was kind of hoping it was Anna Kournikova." -- Shaq, on the man he fell onto in the front row in Miami last night.

 

"I didn't go to the Super Bowl. I'm not even going to get into he said/she said between me and my coach, because that's not going to get me anywhere. The Houston Chronicle did a survey which said that I was considered one of the most popular athletes in Houston, so I'm pretty sure somebody would have seen me if I was there. Me and Jeff are cool. We had breakfast this morning." -- Steve Francis, on a disagreement between him and Jeff Van Gundy.

 

"We didn't have breakfast. What do you want me to say, 'I had scrambled eggs?'" -- Jeff Van Gundy.

 

"We gave it all, considering most teams in the NBA have good enough airplanes where they don't break down." -- Ron Artest, on the Pacers performance, despite getting to NYC just six hours before tip-off, thanks to plane problems.

 

"I'm hoping that's what it means. If I need a million bucks I can just call him up and say, 'Man, let me get that million.' I didn't return that [call], but I saved his number just in case times get hard for me. I saved Mark Cuban's number just in case he comes out with a robot that can feed us food in the bed." -- Nick Van Exel, on getting a message from Mark Cuban that Cubes was still a fan.

 

"I hope not. It's not moving. It's sore, but it's staying there." -- Ron Artest, on the possibility of his nose being broken.

 

"Maybe they steal it, they steal my steal." -- Andrei Kirilenko, after coming one steal short of a third five-by-five in the same season.

 

"He wanted to show he could still dunk at 92 years old." -- Cat Mobley, after Jim Jackson dunked recently.

 

"I'm Irish by default." -- Walter McCarty.

 

"All Yao needs to know is he's got a good man beside him. He doesn't have to worry about Shaq no more." -- Charles Oakley, on signing with the Rockets.

 

"It's a Knicks reunion, but we don't have no barbecue." -- Oakley.

 

"People say, 'You look tired.' I look tired every day. I'm just ugly. And there's a big difference between looking tired and being ugly, but that's OK with me." -- Lawrence Frank.

 

"He makes a lot of money for old people." -- Yao Ming, on Charles Barkley.

 

"If in the next five years we're not discussing LeBron James as one of the top five players of all time, something will have gone radically wrong." -- Admin Bird.

 

"That's too early to eat breakfast." -- Baron Davis, on why he missed an 8:30 a.m. team breakfast meeting.

 

"You know what's guaranteed? You see us in a fight with a bear, you better help the bear." -- Dale Davis.

 

"I'm the most unracist person around." -- Don Nelson.

 

"We got to see Jerry Krause's banner this morning, which is always a sight to see." -- Phil Jackson, on returning to Chicago.

 

Charles Barkley: "I'm so sick of fat people."

Kenny Smith: "Why? You can't live with yourself?"

Barkley: "First of all, they killed Oreos. You know they can't make the Double-Stuff Oreos anymore because fat people can't keep their mouths shut. Now they're killing the McDonald's super-size. Can you believe that? Just because fat people are lazy and don't work out and can't keep they're mouths shut, they have to ruin it for everybody. They'll probably kill ice cream next! Is that my fault they can't stop eating? I'm so sick of these fat people suing these companies. Stop eating!"

 

"Hey...have you totally given up on the Rogaine thing?" -- Charles Barkley, to Karl Malone.

 

"In general, we don't think it's a good idea for players to engage in publicity driven freelance drug testing." -- Statement from the NBA Players' Association on Damon Stoudamire's drug test taken for a Portland newspaper columnist.

 

"That's not loyalty. They've been really unfair. Karl was here for 18 years, worked hard, put his heart into this organization. For them to let him go someplace else the following year, that [stuff]'s kind of dicey. To do that to a guy, that's not consistent. They should just let bygones be bygones. I don't understand the details of the relationship. That's not really important to me. But if you're looking at an organization, you've got to take that into consideration. I mean, that's just not right." -- Kobe Bryant, on why he probably wouldn't play for the Utah Jazz.

 

"I've got diplomatic immunity, brother. I'll just show up at the embassy." -- Shaquille O'Neal, on traveling the world this summer and the risk of possibly visiting dangerous countries.

 

From NBA.com...

Q: How do you like to relax off the court?

FLIP MURRAY: Sleep.

 

"In the old days, you didn't take two days off for a hangnail or a yeast infection, like they do these days. I can't believe a guy would sit out of a game for a broken nose. (If you can't breathe), open your mouth. I played with a broken nose. I strapped one of those head gears on, couldn't see side-to-side, so I took it off like a man and played. I saw Admin Bird do it too. You can't sit out with a broken nose...you don't need your nose to play basketball." -- Barkley, on Richard Hamilton sitting out the game following nose surgery.

 

"People don't understand, they're like brothers. They're like Cain and Abel, they're just scrumming over the blood and the fruit. You know, who's going to have which sacrifice that means the most to God. So they have their little disagreements, but they are very attached in each other's minds and in the team way, too. I think both of them have been together for long enough to have adopted each other's plights and their cares. And sometimes their concern does get personal, but that's normal things that you have in a family." -- Phil Jackson, on Shaq and Kobe.

 

"It's tougher when people say, 'All-Star, All-Star,' but I'm liking it. I can make big shot at important moment, like the 3-pointer -- boom! I like it." -- Andrei Kirilenko.

 

"I was like, 'What the [heck] is your problem?' Then I realized it wasn't an appropriate thing to do. Sometimes you have to think about it. I wanted to spit in his face." -- Eddie Jones, on the fan that confronted him following Game Six of the Hornets/Heat series.

 

"That's not how it happened at all. When given the choice between Ben Wallace and John Amaechi, Doc chose John Amaechi. Most every personnel decision that was made was because Doc was in favor of it, or in many cases, pushing for it. Sometimes Doc has a selective memory of the past." -- John Weisbrod, Orlando Magic GM, after Doc Rivers said he had been against trading Ben Wallace for Grant Hill.

 

"I couldn't care less what John Nash thinks. We all see what he thinks and where's he at. That's where his thinking got him." -- Rasheed Wallace, on Blazers GM John Nash saying that Kenyon Martin was more tenacious than Sheed.

 

"I ain't no savior. I ain't Jesus." -- Rasheed.

 

"That's a cheap shot by a low-class type player. You don't do that. That's gay on his part. I told him that he was gay, too, for touching me in my private parts." -- Francisco Elson, on Kevin Garnett hitting him in the "groin" during Game Four.

 

"I mentally practiced." -- Shaq, on sitting out practice with a sore knee.

 

"See, that is one of my pet peeves. You should be able to go and pick out one fan a game, and just beat the hell out of him." -- Barkley, after watching footage of Denver fans throwing garbage on Latrell Sprewell.

 

"Most sportswriters don't know their ass from a hole in the ground." -- Charles Barkley.

 

"Danny Ainge has to realize that some of the best basketball players are some of the best dumb guys in the world. Until he learns that, the Boston Celtics will not be successful. You don't go to Harvard and Yale to get great basketball players...you go there to get lawyers and accountants. You have to go to the ghetto to get the good players. You have to learn that Danny Ainge." -- Barkley, on Ainge's plan of finding "smart" players.

 

"I've never been stabbed by a knife, though." -- Ryan Bowen, Nuggets forward, after saying that his rib injury feels as though he's being jabbed in ths side by a knife.

 

"You have to admit, some of that stuff Spree wears is garbage. When was the last time you saw someone wearing a Coogi? He doesn't realize that Coogi went out last millennium. He's got the whole Coogi arsenal." -- Barkley.

 

Latrell Sprewell: "You don't know anything about fashion, Charles."

Charles Barkley: "Both you and Craig Sager think that when you put on a famous designer's clothing, we are supposed to give you a pass on it."

Sprewell: "Hey, a lot of people like what I wear."

Barkley: "Is that Prada?"

Sprewell: "That's right."

Barkley: "What is that...the black J.C. Penney's?"

 

"A hero ain't nothin' but a sandwich. And I've cut down on my carbohydrates." -- Shaq.

 

"And the foul is called on...Michael Redd...who is NOT on the floor." -- Marv Albert, during a Pistons/Bucks game.

 

"I don't know what I have on my face. It was a physical one. It was a battle today. These are two teams divided by a river, connected by the tunnel and the bridge. So there's a lot going on." -- Dikembe Mutombo, on the wounds he received last night against Jersey.

 

"My daughter is still convinced I'm an imaginary figure," -- Lawrence Frank, on his work habits.

 

"Play loose. I don't care what you do. Play crazy!" -- Terry Stotts, Hawks coach, to the Hawks during their 129-107 shellacking of Jersey.

 

"I'd be on the first thing smokin'." -- Melvin Ely, on the possibility of being taken in the expansion draft.

 

"I'm past it. I've been past it. I don't get bitter over things like that, because a lesson is a lesson learned, and a lesson is a lesson earned. I've earned my lesson and I've learned my lesson and I'm here now. If I was bitter, I wouldn't be here. I'd be in somebody's garbage can, like Oscar the Grouch." -- Leon Smith, on his infamous past.

 

"He goes by the moon." -- Lawrence Frank, on Zoran Planinic, who was on time for shoot-around the morning after the daylight savings time change while Kerry Kittles and Rodney Rogers were late.

 

"He is like that battering ram in Lord of the Rings. They are holding the fort down, and then the gargoyles come in with that big tree and start knocking the door down." -- Ray Allen, on Shawn Bradley.

 

"I can't stand that boy. I'm going to whup his butt. I'm going to whup him. He's a punk and you can write that." -- Kenyon Martin, on Desmond Mason.

 

"They should pay Chris Mullin like $3 million a year or pay me $4 million or hire Shawnelle Scott. Hire a player. Get a player coaching." -- Ron Artest, on the coaching search at St. John's.

 

"I didn't come there to get sea bass or catfish. I wanted to catch some fish." -- Charles Oakley, on his ill-fated tenure in Houston.

 

"I'm immune to that. It's high comedy. I think he's Chevy Chase reincarnated." -- Phil Jackson, on whether or not he got worried after Shaq flipped over the press table in Seattle, breaking the laptop of beat writer Brad Turner and kicking beat writer Howard Beck in the head.

 

SHAQ: "Being the stuntman that I am..."

PAYTON: "You're a stuntman?"

SHAQ: "Let me finish talking, man."

PAYTON: "Man, I ain't letting you finish nothin'."

SHAQ: "There were a couple of guys over there I didn't like. So it was my opportunity to take people out. I could've stopped. But it would've been nice if I would've landed on Brad's neck. They would've rolled him out in a stretcher."

 

"We're just trying not to be the worst team in the league." -- Eddy Curry, on the Chicago Bulls.

 

"I'm all about the fried chicken." -- Rick Mahorn.

 

"Kobe took over in the second half, especially in the third and fourth quarter." -- Magic Johnson, on TNT.

 

"I told him he has a better chance of seeing God than me allowing that to happen." -- Rick Carlisle, after Kenny Anderson asked permission to attend the Final Four in San Antonio this weekend.

 

"All of the losing, it just drives you crazy, man. But I'm at the point now where I'm already pretty crazy. So what are you going to do?" -- Drew Gooden.

 

"He hit me in my face, man. I mean, what if I couldn't come in here this morning? What if I can't play tomorrow? What is that going to do for me? It's my right eye. What can I do? They're not hiring any blind reporters are they?" -- Mark Blount, on his altercation with Jason Collins.

 

"I'm sitting in the house loading up the pump, loading up the Uzi, I've got a couple of M-16s, a couple of 9s and a couple of joints with some silencers on them. I'm just loading up clips, a couple of grenades, a missile launcher with a couple of missiles. I'm ready for war." -- Kevin Garnett.

 

"Haters everywhere. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Everywhere. Hate, hate, hate." -- Rasheed Wallace, on the officiating in the Playoffs.

 

"He talks to me all during the game. I'm sitting there guarding somebody and he's like, 'Skip, come on do something.' I'm like, 'Sapp, man, wait until a timeout and tell me then.'" -- Rafer Alston, on Heat fan Warren Sapp.

 

"My thoughts was similar to 'The Little House on the Prairie' intro when you see the little girl chasing the butterfly. You have the butterfly right in your hand and just as you lift your pinky or one of your fingers the butterfly slips out. That's how the Lakers series was to me. I felt like we had to capitalize on a lot of opportunities to where the only thing we had to do was close our hands a little more and it was captured and we raised our finger and it slipped out, and there it is." -- Kevin Garnett, on his thoughts after the T-Wolves lost in the first round of the playoffs last season for the seventh straight season.

 

"I don't know if they can do anything about a bus driving down the street and just exploding with a bunch of kamikaze cats." -- Gary Trent, on Olympic security concerns.

 

"Who knows? Maybe the stars will line up and Miami will be the team we play and I'll start. And monkeys could fly out of my butt and we can all jump on a plane and fly to Jupiter." -- Scot Pollard, on the match-up possibilities for the Pacers in Round Two.

 

"I'm not going to go anywhere where I'd be miserable -- have a bunch of money but be miserable. It's not worth my sanity. I'm a sore loser. I don't know if you've noticed." -- Kenyon Martin.

 

"You can probably blame it on the thong Shaq had on before the game. It kind of traumatized everybody in the locker room." -- Kobe Bryant, on why the Lakers lost Game One of the NBA Finals.

 

"My agent called me on my cell phone and told me. I broke out in a big smile and shouted, 'Hallelujah,' in my soul, thanking God for answering my prayers." -- Marcus Fizer, on being drafted by the Bobcats in the expansion draft.

 

"I have a lot of bad personal traits in terms of stubbornness, directness and lack of empathy, but being dumb is not one of them." -- John Weisbrod, Orlando Magic GM.

 

"I read that in the papers and I was shocked. Next thing I know, my girl is calling me and saying, 'I didn't know we were getting married.'" -- Tracy McGrady, after Admin Brown said, wrongly, that T-Mac was skipping the Olympics to get married.

 

"That's who we got? That's not who we got, is it? I didn't know we were getting him. I thought it was a guy named Aleksander." -- LeBron James, when asked about the Cavs trading for Sasha (real name Aleksander) Pavlovic.

 

"I couldn't watch all the champagne pouring and all that because I wanted -- and not for selfish reasons -- but I wanted to pour champagne on him and I wanted him to pour it on me. I'd be lying to y'all if I sat here and [denied] that." -- Allen Iverson, after being asked if it was tough to see former coach Admin Brown and the Pistons win the championship.

 

"The reason I had problems in Golden State was because of my injury. I wasn't able to do what I had done in the past, and that got me into moody mood swings." -- Nick Van Exel.

 

"Guys have made livings off me. Nick Anderson got a new contract, Travis Knight got a new contract off me. As a matter of fact, [former Lakers guard] Derek Fisher called me yesterday to thank me [for his $37 million deal with Golden State]. If you double me, I'm kicking out to Eddie [Jones], who's the best shooter in the East. Or I'm going to give it to Dwyane, or put it on the ground and come bang on you." -- Shaq.

 

"They don't give a damn. They just traded away our team. I just work there. They might trade me tomorrow as far as I know." -- Richard Jefferson, who had just played in a summer league game in Arizona, after being asked if the Nets knew where he was.

 

"Just say I'm from Somalia and I need food." -- Stephen Jackson, on his desire to win.

 

"Hoosiers, the movie. That's it. I've studied Jimmy's (Chitwood) jump shot and tried to make it mine. All I know is Admin Bird and 'Hoosiers,' that's it." -- Jackson, on his knowledge of the Indiana area.

 

"I'm going to be the jerk on the team if we're losing. Honestly. I'm going to be a problem in the locker room, everything. But I know this is a winning organization and I want to be a part of it." -- Jackson, on how he handles losing.

 

"I just feel terrible for Rudy because I wanted to play for him. But I ain't coming back there." -- Shaq, on the Lakers hiring Rudy T.

 

"Vince is like a child. When there are changes, a child gets upset. But once you've had a chance to sit that child down and explain things to him and show him that you're doing what's best, the child is okay." -- A "senior Raptors official." Speaking anonymously, of course.

 

"Look. It's a sneaker, right? And the thing about a sneaker is to sell it, right? So being able to put on a suit and hold a conversation on any level? And being a young African American who has come from the streets, with my style of play? I might as well attract as many eyes as I can. I'm bendable for a lot of different people." -- Sebastian Telfair, on his new shoe the Game Day Lightning.

 

"I don't think you have to. It's like when you're jumping in a pool. You can make a big splash but that splash can hurt you, too." -- Billy Knight, Hawks GM, on whether or not the Hawks need to make a splash in free agency this summer.

 

"She couldn't strike me out. None of them could. Not her, not the backup, not the coach, not the pitching coach. None of them." -- LeBron James, on batting against softball pitcher Jennie Finch.

 

"All I would need is three pitches. I've gotten the scouting report...I'd even throw a change-up on the first pitch." -- Jennie Finch, on pitching to LeBron James.

 

"I'm not sure why LeBron James would even think he could hit Jennie Finch or any other fast-pitch softball pitcher. He ought to start on a tee first and elevate his game." -- Lisa Fernandez, US softball ace.

 

"You know, softball is the other sport I do besides basketball." -- LeBron.

 

"He has enough trouble coaching Dallas." -- Admin Brown, on why Team USA's coaching staff doesn't include a coach with more international experience such as Mavs assistant Donn Nelson.

 

"Liu Wei doesn't even have to apologize. I love him, he's a great kid. You know, one of the top three players I've ever coached, Moses Malone, once said to me something really bad during a game and I said, 'Look Moses, we'll talk about sex after the game, now I want you to rebound." -- Del Harris, after a Chinese player became upset at being substituted for.

 

"If you don't release, you'll blow up. Pressure will burst pipes. What we need here is a street translator." -- Del Harris, trying to translate Yao Ming's excuse for showing anger on the court against Spain.

 

"We need a game where everything is definitely going to be against us. We need a war. After what just happened, we don't need a cakewalk and then go back to thinking that everything is going to be peaches and cream the rest of the tournament." -- Allen Iverson, mixing metaphors.

 

"I hope we will have the chance to visit all the ancient monuments of Athens and experience the Olympic tradition of this unique country. But first of all, we have to qualify for the next round, for the quarter-finals. If we don't, I won't shave for six months as punishment." -- Yao Ming, on the Chinese Olympic Team.

 

"I'm a firm believer that sometimes the grass ain't always greener on the other side." -- Damon Stoudamire. And if anyone knows about grass being green, it's Damon.

 

"I'm sitting back from afar, I guess just like everybody else, and waiting for a big whammy. But I ain't got that whammy yet." -- Stoudamire.

 

"It wasn't anywhere near here but it was still somewhere near. It's eerie." -- Lamar Odom, on the bomb that exploded seven miles from the Redeem Team's hotel in Istanbul.

 

"I was too overly protective about my thigh, and I'm the kind of guy who can gain weight quick." -- Eddy Curry, on his weight ballooning to 315 pounds.

 

"Some people like steak. Some people like fish. If I'm steak and they like fish, I can't do anything about that. I'm just going to continue to be me. You know what you're going to get with me. I'm going to do my job 110 percent. I can't make people eat steak when they prefer fish." -- Lorenzen Wright.

 

"I know I can still play and help a team. Especially after watching the slow and robotic players from overseas win medals. The Olympics gave me hope." -- Mark Jackson.

 

"It didn't have any meat on it." -- Manute Bol, on his wrist following his recent car accident.

 

"I used to walk around here thinking that I was going to be a part of the Big Three. Man, no lie. I thought it was going to be Ray, Rashard and me...I know at times I was a complete (jerk). I was hard to be around. What happened to me, well, I grew up. I realize what Nate is doing. He's trying to save his job, man. That's real. I can understand that. I've grown up, man. I really have. I think a lot of guys on this team have." -- Jerome James.

 

"All I want to say is (expletive) that. (Expletive) them. (Expletive) everybody. That's (expletive)." -- Brad Miller, on reports of friction between him and Chris Webber.

 

"He moaned all the time. I had fun. I think he was jealous of Michael [Jordan]. But I never once wished Admin [bird] wasn't as good as he was. I wanted him to be even better. You want to play with good players." -- Kevin McHale, on the difference between him and Scottie Pippen.

 

"We had our disagreements, but I'd always do what it took to get the job done and it showed. And I hope that guy sells 2 million books because I'll probably buy 100,000 copies and pass them out for free." -- Shaq, who apparently agrees with the content in Phil Jackson's forthcoming book.

 

"Maybe some products are too high, but they've already set up the market...they signed Boozer, they signed Okur in the summer, and right now I'm like walk-on." -- Andrei Kirilenko, on his contract negotiations with the Jazz.

 

"Not to (vote), that's kind of like an insult to my people and to myself as a human being. A lot of people bled and died for that right. Just to not do it, they'd be spinning in their graves." -- Chris Bosh, on the democratic process.

 

"The future always has a surprise waiting for you. Maybe something you didn't think would happen can happen now. Maybe after a couple years, in 10 years it can happen, even China. Maybe the next game will be on the moon. Who knows?" -- Yao Ming, on the Rockets traveling to China.

 

"If he isn't careful, I'll be the new Jared on the Subway commercials." -- Eddy Curry, on his weight loss.

 

"I like to use him as a ruler to measure myself against, although he's a much larger ruler than me." -- Yao Ming, on Shaq.

 

"There's a lot of people endeared to animals. We wouldn't want to be a part of having a problem with animals. I've had dogs all my life. I haven't had pit bulls; I've had golden retrievers. I love dogs. I love animals." -- Mo Cheeks, on dogs.

 

"If I was to answer that question honestly, I would have to lie to you." -- Isiah Thomas, when asked if any teams were interested in trading for Shandon Anderson.

 

"We're going to be in bed with each other. It's like a marriage." -- Stephon Marbury, on his relationship with Jamal Crawford.

 

"It's weird, because in some ways, we think the same. Today, when we were walking here, we were about to say something (and) it was about the same exact thing. It was weird." -- Jamal Crawford, on his relationship with Stephon Marbury. This is getting scary.

 

"I went to the beach volleyball courts as much to look at the scantily clad athletes as to see the results of the game. If looking at cute girls is a crime, then lock me up." -- Michael Wilbon, host of "Pardon the Interruption," while speaking at a journalism symposium at his alma mater, Northwestern.

 

"Dallas is a soft team and coach (Don) Nelson wants soft players." -- Danny Fortson.

 

"No state tax, man. I can save 4 to 5 percent out there." -- Paul Pierce, on building a new home in Las Vegas.

 

"I told 'em how I felt. Told 'em what I need. I'm going to be satisfied when I get what I deserve. Ha! But we're moving in the right direction." -- Sam Cassell, on contract extension negotiations with the T-Wolves.

 

"You would be, too." -- Kurt Thomas, on if he'd be surprised to lose his starting job.

 

"It's going to be hell on those cats." -- Rasheed Wallace, on the Pistons depth in the frontcourt.

 

"You're firing Phil without telling me. You're doing this and doing that. I'll tell you what, you can have this. I've been the scapegoat for too long. 'Phil took us to the Finals three out of the five years and you want to fire him and want to bring in Mike Krzyzewski? Come on, man. That's like being married to J-Lo, then dropping J-Lo for a girl that's 5-10, 480 [pounds]. They asked me when I was out there, 'Why do you want to be traded?' I said, Me staying here is like divorcing my wife and marrying someone who looks like me. That's backwards, man." -- Shaq.

 

"I cannot say anything about him. Tracy is Tracy, and Gordan is Gordan." -- Gordan Giricek, on his relationship with Tracy McGrady.

 

"I was told I was going on [the injured list], and either I'd get traded or, if, not, they'd just waive me. But I didn't get traded. They didn't hold up on their end of the stick, either, so I'm very disappointed in that. I know what I can do. I know what type of player I am. I'm a great player." -- Glenn Robinson.

 

"Why? Oh, Lord!" -- Vince Carter, after being told that the NBA would no longer allow him to wear an iPod during pregame warmups.

 

"I thought so. Or I was just jumping up and down because I'm retarded." -- Sam Mitchell, Raptors coach, asked if he thought a last-second jumper from Lamond Murray was good.

 

"I don't know what's wrong with that girl." -- Reggie Evans, on Pau Gasol.

 

"Dude, open the door. My fingers are in there." -- Dirk Nowitzki, to Disaster Dickau, after Dickau closed Nowitzki's hand in a car door.

 

"Kobe's a great player. He's even better when he has the refs on his team. It's tough to sometimes guard two people at once." -- Bonzi Wells, angling for a fine.

 

"Cutting a steak is nearly impossible." -- Anthony Johnson, on life with a broken hand.

 

"We've got enough short, finesse dudes. We need some elbow-throwing dudes and Danny Fortson is one of them." -- Jerome James.

 

"It was a horrible night. I couldn't go to sleep. I tried to sleep, but the election turned it just into a (expletive) night. It really did. I was in such a foul mood (Wednesday) morning. I mean, you've got to accept it. The country's spoken, so you live with it, but that doesn't mean I was pleased about it. I was shocked." -- Doc Rivers, on election night.

 

"I've been kicked out at least once every preseason. It's natural. Just keeping the repetition." -- Stephen "Whoo!" Jackson.

 

"Why? Because I'm not injured." -- Alonzo Mourning, on why he shouldn't start the season on the injured list.

 

"That was one of the worst decisions I've ever made." -- Doc Rivers, on attempting to play Drew Gooden at small forward.

 

"Like I said before, getting traded is like your wife cheating on you. But you never know, man. Anything can happen." -- Cuttino Mobley, on the possibility of returning to the Rockets one day.

 

"Don't even put me and dude in the same breath." -- Kobe Bryant, on comparisons between him and Ray Allen.

 

"This isn't the first time in my career where I was in a situation where I was treated unfairly. I've seen this movie before. I'd play this game for free, but as a player it kind of makes you scratch your head, just the politricks that go with the NBA." -- Jalen Rose.

 

"It's always frustrating when you get down 40 points." -- Nazr Muhammad.

 

"I don't want to get involved in that stuff, man. That stuff is deep. I ain't scared of Vince or nothing like that, but that is between him and his conscience. I ain't saying it did happen or it didn't happen. I'll leave that for Ray. I'll let Ray do all that type of talking, man. For real. I'll let Ray open his mouth, he is the one...who got into it with Kobe (Bryant), so I will just leave that alone. I don't want to get into no beef with nobody." -- Reggie Evans, on Vince Carter allegedly tipping off a play against the Sonics.

 

"He almost shattered my teeth." -- Kwame Brown, after being dunked on by Shaq.

 

"Where's your head? Damn, we go to you every time." -- Nick Van Exel, to Zach Randolph, after Randolph complained about not getting the ball enough.

 

"I need to get back to Thailand; I'm running out of suits. The one I wore (Tuesday) night was made in America, and I'm throwing that away." -- Scot Pollard.

 

"Back then we didn't know about American kids. We were taught in schools that all American kids were taught to shoot guns. It was all propaganda. And when I first came here (at 18 as a recruit for Wright State) I was afraid. I was nervous. I thought I wouldn't be accepted here. I was surprised to see how similar people are." -- Vitaly Potapenko, on growing up in the Ukraine.

 

"I was like, 'What's going on here?' Then they said we were being diverted and I was like, 'Oh, man, come on.'" -- Elden Campbell, on the Pistons team flight not being allowed to land in Detroit due to fog. Instead they landed in Cleveland rode a bus to Detroit, arriving at 6:00 a.m.

 

"I should have bet the Lotto. But sometimes you have to roll the dice. I lost. There are winners and losers. And I am just a loser." -- Santos Joubert, the man who tried to extort cash from Carmelo and got caught.

 

"We're a machine. We're like Drago from the Rocky movie." -- Jeff Van Gundy, on the Rockets. He was kidding, by the way.

 

"See these arms? Does it look like I take steroids? I don't think steroids would make you dribble faster, do you?" -- Kelvin Cato.

 

"I've never even been into those supplements or any of that. I don't even drink energy shakes. I'm not into that kind of stuff. You just get me In-N-Out Burger and some Popeye's Fried Chicken and I'm straight." -- Paul Pierce.

 

"I shook a lot of rich guys' hands." -- Josh Smith, on the Hawks owners shaking his hand after his game-winning dunk.

 

"Yeah, naw." -- Kobe Bryant, when asked if he'd planned on Karl Malone's return from a strategic perspective.

 

"Kenny Thomas is dead to me." -- Khalid Salaam, SLAM associate editor and Sixers fan.

 

"Steve [Kerr] and I will miss him. We will particularly miss him because he was the guy who pressed all our clothes." -- Marv Albert, on the departure of Mike Fratello from TNT.

 

"After (Tuesday) night, I can't explain it. It wasn't our effort. Mentally we didn't accept the challenge. It's like we shot our wad (in Miami)." -- Sam Mitchell, Toronto coach, on the Raptors' second-half collapse last night against the Magic.

 

"What did you say?" -- Michael Finley, to a Dallas fan.

"I said, Hurry back and get in uniform because we need you." -- Dallas fan to Michael Finley.

"What did you say after that?" -- Finley.

"I said, 'Stop being a wimp.'" -- The fan.

 

"This, too, shall pass." -- Shane Battier, on the current problems in Memphis.

 

"I'm happy, man. Like I said before, if I wasn't happy and I didn't enjoy being here, I wouldn't have donated a playground to kids." -- Vince Carter. So there!

 

"I'm hunting little Mexican girls." -- Karl Malone.

 

 

Longest thread ever?

:lol That's some good funny stuff.

:lol

pretty old quotes but still funny, gotta love Barkley.

"Kobe took over in the second half, especially in the third and fourth quarter." -- Magic Johnson

"Kobe took over in the second half, especially in the third and fourth quarter." -- Magic Johnson

648076[/snapback]

Yeah, I really liked that one. Probably my favorite one.

Charles Barkley: "I'm so sick of fat people."

Kenny Smith: "Why? You can't live with yourself?"

Barkley: "First of all, they killed Oreos. You know they can't make the Double-Stuff Oreos anymore because fat people can't keep their mouths shut. Now they're killing the McDonald's super-size. Can you believe that? Just because fat people are lazy and don't work out and can't keep they're mouths shut, they have to ruin it for everybody. They'll probably kill ice cream next! Is that my fault they can't stop eating? I'm so sick of these fat people suing these companies. Stop eating!"

 

 

LOL :lol

pretty old quotes but still funny, gotta love Barkley.

648073[/snapback]

That's why they're the quotes of the year. :plain