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What Really Happened


Lefty
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The following took place over a 24 hour period. The people, places and statements...are all real:

 

 

 

Yesterday

 

10:00 am

Marlins: Oy, who wants to take Mike Lowell...Anyone?

Rangers: He sucks.

Marlins: Well what would it take to trade him?

Rangers: Beckett

Marlins: Ok

Rangers: Really?

Marlins: No.

 

2pm

Marlins: You know we were joking, right?

Rangers: No. So we can have Beckett?

Marlins: Maybe. We want Hank Blalock and someone else.

Rangers: Blalock and a pitching prospect?

Marlins: Deal!

Rangers: Really?

Marlins: Actually, we should probably find out if anyone else is interested in our young, highly touted, flamethrowing World Series MVP.

Rangers: Oh, ok well get back to us.

 

Overnight

Marlins FO: It seems like Boston is interested in Beckett now. They are offering a young, latino SS with pretty hair and great upside.

Beinfest: That sounds like Andino.

Samson: Who?

 

Today

 

11am

Marlins FO: We should probably start a firesale.

Samson: No, I have a better idea! Let's pretend that we're starting a firesale to see who is interested.

Marlins FO: We should ask Jeffrey first, don't you think?

Samson: Guys, I'm in charge!

 

1pm

Various news outlets: David Samson now in charge of Florida Marlins.

mb.com: WHAT?!

 

1:03pm

...

 

1:15pm

Various news outlets: Mystery team wants Beckett

Admin: I like mysteries!

 

3pm

Marlins: So, Blalock still on the table?

Rangers: Yes, why?

Marlins: I thought we were going to make a deal.

Rangers: You never called me back last night...

Marlins: Oh baby, I was with some friends.

Rangers: Sure.

 

5pm

Samson: Spanglish was an excellent movie that successfully incorporated ethnic issues as well as a darling romantic side story.

Marlins FO: Huh?

Samson: Oh, I was just saying how Boston's deal sounds good.

Beinfest: I'm actually the one who makes those decisions.

Samson: Perhaps you've forgotten--I'm in charge!

Beinfest: No you're not.

Samson: I'm not?

Marlins FO: Texas won't budge.

 

6:30pm

Marlins: We want Texeira and Soriano.

Rangers: WHAT?

Marlins: I'm just messing with you, silly.

Rangers: F*ck this, you can keep Beckett.

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(It's very late and I'm tired/exhausted. Don't judge me too harshly on the follow up)

 

7:25pm

Loria: David! I leave for one day and look what you've done!

Samson: You aren't my real father. You can't talk to me that way.

Loria: I'm the god damn owner, you idiot!

Samson: Fine, I'm telling mom.

 

7:30pm

Samson (soliloqy): I can't believe I got those two prospects for Mike Lowell and a baseball pricing magazine.

 

7:45pm

Gammons: Trade final. Lowell and Beckett to Boston for Edgar Renteria and Jon Lester.

 

7:46pm

Gammons: Didn't realize the camera was on. Lowell and Beckett for Hanley Ramirez and Anibal Sanchez.

 

9pm

mb.com: The night time is the right time...the night time is the right time...

 

9:30pm

Marlins FO: Ok, we have to get rid of LoDuca and Pierre, and let Encarnacion and Gonzalez leave.

Beinfest: What about Castillo?

Marlins PR: No good, we need to maintain hispanic quota.

Samson: You mean Easley isn't spanish?

 

10:30pm

Boston: Why haven't you faxed over Beckett's file?

Marlins: What are you talking about? We traded Lowell.

Boston: The short guy said it was Beckett and Lowell.

Samson: tee hee.

 

11pm

Beinfest: Jeff, I don't know if I can do this anymore.

Loria: I know it's tough, but the lack of fan support and city uncooperation just doesn't leave me any choice.

Beinfest: No, I meant I can't figure out this rubik's cube. Been messing with it all day.

 

11:15pm

Samson: John, we have to talk.

Henry: Sure, what can I do for you?

Samson: I made a booboo. I wasn't supposed to trade Beckett.

Henry: I'm sorry, but the trade has been finalized.

Samson: No, I can fix that.

 

11:20pm

various news outlets: trade not finalized. details still being worked out

 

11:22pm

Henry: David!

Samson: It had to be done. He's too valuable to our team

Henry: No, I am your father.

Samson: What?! So you'll let me have Josh back?

Henry: No.

 

12:30am

Marlins: Delgado is on the trade block

The entire universe: There's a shocker.

 

2am

Boys and Girls Club: Get out now!

Theo: I was only showing him where his belly button is!

 

Tomorrow

7am

various news outlets: Theo Epstein returns to Boston.

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