Same-sex marriage pioneers separate

 

 

BOSTON - The lesbian couple whose lawsuit led to legal same-sex marriage in Massachusetts have announced they have separated.

 

"Julie and Hillary Goodridge are amicably living apart," Mary Breslauer, a local political consultant, said Thursday night on their behalf. Breslauer declined to comment on how long they had been separated or whether the couple planned to divorce.

 

The Goodridges were among seven gay couples whose lawsuit helped thrust Massachusetts into the center of a nationwide debate on gay marriage. The state's Supreme Judicial Court issued its narrow 4-3 ruling in November 2003 in their favor ? saying gays and lesbians had a right under the state constitution to wed.

 

The Goodridges were married May 17, 2004, the first day same-sex marriages became legal under the court ruling, by a Unitarian Universalist minister. Their daughter, Annie, now 10, served as ring-bearer and flower girl.

 

Now, Breslauer said, for Annie's sake, the Goodridges want privacy.

 

The child figured prominently in the Goodridges' case. When Julie Goodridge gave birth by cesarean section, there were complications. Hillary Goodridge, at the time having no legal relationship with mother or child, said she was barred several times from seeing her daughter and partner.

 

"Even though their number one priority was their daughter," Breslauer said, "marriage makes her also their legal obligation. Their daughter is more protected because they are married."

 

Julie Goodridge declined to comment, saying Breslauer was the family's acting spokeswoman. Hillary Goodridge did not return a telephone message left at a business listing Thursday night.

 

"The plaintiff couple in this case are real people with real lives. They're not immune from life's ups and downs," Breslauer said. "Certainly over the course of time there will be same sex couples that separate just as happens in other marriages."

 

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I laugh when people think children are better off with 2 members of the same sex instead of a man and a woman. It is un-natural to not have a mother and a father.

You've gotta be kidding me...

 

I laugh when people think children are better off with 2 members of the same sex instead of a man and a woman. It is un-natural to not have a mother and a father.

I defy you to come up with a single credible quote anywhere that claims children are BETTER off with same-sex parents. That's a ludicrous claim, as is your contention that it's even an issue.

 

And by the way, if it's unnatural not to have a mother & father, what does that say when mommy & daddy divorce & the kid only gets ONE parent? Your narrow view of this topic is astounding.

 

And the article itself is meaningless. As if straight couples don't ever cheat/split up/etc.....

I'm against same sex marriages....it ruins the word "marriage" is you ask me. Keep in mind that this is liberal CBS reporting and the person doing the research is from BOSTON! I just believe that kids are better off with a male influence and a female influence.

 

 

 

Kids Of Same-Sex Parents Do Fine

 

WebMD) Children growing up in same-sex parental households do not necessarily have differences in self-esteem, gender identity, or emotional problems from children growing up in heterosexual parent homes.

 

"There are a lot of children with at least one gay or lesbian parent," says Ellen C. Perrin, MD, professor of pediatrics at Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston. She revealed the findings at the American Academy of Pediatrics Conference and Exhibition.

 

Between one million and six million children in the U.S. are being reared by committed lesbian or gay couples, she says. Children being raised by same-sex parents were either born to a heterosexual couple, adopted, or conceived through artificial insemination.

 

"The vast consensus of all the studies shows that children of same-sex parents do as well as children whose parents are heterosexual in every way," she tells WebMD. "In some ways children of same-sex parents actually may have advantages over other family structures."

 

Study Results

 

Researchers looked at information gleaned from 15 studies on more than 500 children, evaluating possible stigma, teasing and social isolation, adjustment and self-esteem, opposite gender role models, sexual orientation, and strengths.

 

Studies from 1981 to 1994, including 260 children reared by either heterosexual mothers or same-sex mothers after divorce, found no differences in intelligence, type or prevalence of psychiatric disorders, self-esteem, well-being, peer relationships, couple relationships, or parental stress.

 

"Some studies showed that single heterosexual parents' children have more difficulties than children who have parents of the same sex," Perrin says. "They did better in discipline, self-esteem, and had less psychosocial difficulties at home and at school."

 

Another study of 37 children of 27 divorced lesbian mothers and a similar number of children of heterosexual mothers found no differences in behavior, adjustment, gender identity, and peer relationships.

 

Equitable Division of Chores

 

Two other large studies involving more than 100 couples found that same-sex parents also had contact with extended family, had social support, and had a more equitable division of labor in the home.

 

"Lesbian couples share household responsibilities and chores more equitably," Perrin says. "And, the children of lesbian couples are less aggressive, more nurturing to peers, more tolerant of diversity, and more inclined to play with both boy's and girl's toys.

 

Children seem to adjust better when there is a more equal division of labor in the home and the parental relationship with the children had a higher rating, she says.

 

The combined data presented by Perrin showed that children whose parents are lesbian have no more problems than the rest of the children and actually may be more tolerant of differences, she says. There was suggestive evidence that there were more stresses due to the gender of same-sex parents, but the children also reported greater well-being, more nurturing, and a greater tolerance for differences.

 

What is striking is that there are very consistent findings in these studies," Perrin says.

 

Ryan Malone, who works in public relations in Washington, D.C., says after his parents were divorced he was reared by two "lesbian moms," while still staying in contact with his father.

 

"We lived in a small town," he says. "While I was open about my family, I didn't broadcast it."

 

At times he felt isolated because he didn't know any other families at the time headed by a same-sex couple, Malone says. "My parents over-parented because they felt like the whole world was watching."

 

Emotional Topic

 

While further study should be done, this is important for pediatricians to know so they can learn more about variations in families and give appropriate advice in optimizing the child's development, Perrin says.

Carol Berkowitz, MD, former president of AAP, says this analysis is important in that it combines evidence-based studies.

 

"This subject evokes a lot of emotions," she says. "Some of the studies on this subject in the past have been weighted and biased, based on nothing more than the researcher's views."

 

Evidence-based studies are important in helping pediatricians in their practices and creating policy for the future, she says.

 

Sources: American Academy of Pediatrics Conference and Exhibition, Washington, D.C., Oct. 8-11, 2005. Ellen C. Perrin, MD, professor of pediatrics, Tufts University School of Medicine, Boston. Carol Berkowitz, MD, former president, American Academy of Pediatrics.

I laugh when people think children are better off with 2 members of the same sex instead of a man and a woman. It is un-natural to not have a mother and a father.

Yeah, it's also unnatural to throw a baseball but I don't see anyone here complaining.

 

With divorce rates for heterosexual couples being so high, what do you prefer? What's worse? Two fathers or none? Two mothers or one that has to feed her children and take care of them all by herself?

 

And, um, your article kind of contradicts your theory. Just a tiny bit.

Adult Children Speak Out About Same-Sex Parents

 

 

It was the TV pictures that first got to Bronagh Cassidy. Same-sex couples marrying in San Francisco: "They were so proud of themselves. And then they had these little children with them." Cassidy, a 27-year-old married mother of two, sighs. "Something inside of me wants to be able to help those kids, because I know they are going to have problems."

 

They Know Better

 

Sound ignorant, maybe even bigoted? This week, as the Senate is expected to begin debate on a constitutional amendment to protect marriage, many voices will try to convince you that people like Cassidy are, as Cheryl Jacque, head of the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights group, put it in a recent letter, "hate-filled people who will stop at nothing to achieve their discriminatory, offensive goals."

 

But Cassidy knows better: She is one of the first generation of "gayby boom" babies, raised by two moms. Adult children of same-sex parents are rare. I recently came across Cassidy's story by accident, after she e-mailed a friend of mine who is a family scholar.

 

Back in 1976, Cassidy's mom had a religious ceremony with a woman named Pat. To make Cassidy, they did artificial insemination at home, mixing the sperm of two gay friends "to make sure nobody would ever know who the father was," says Cassidy. (That was in the days before widespread DNA

testing.) The two women stayed together for 16 years, until Pat died. Three years later, Cassidy's mother married a man.

 

What was it like for Cassidy being raised by two women she called "Mom" and "My Pat"?

 

No Seal of Approval

 

"When growing up, I always had the feeling of being something unnatural," Cassidy says. "I came out of an unnatural relationship; it was something like I shouldn't be there. On a daily basis, it was something I was conflicted with. I used to wish, honestly, that Pat wasn't there."

 

Why does she oppose same-sex marriage? "It's not something that a seal of approval should be stamped on: We shouldn't say it is a great and wonderful thing and then you have all these kids who later in life will turn around and realize they've been cheated. The adults choose to have that lifestyle and then have a kid. They are fulfilling their emotional needs ? they want to have a child ? and they are not taking into account how that's going to feel to the child; there's a clear difference between having same-sex parents and a mom and a dad."

 

Sounds judgmental in print. But up close, Cassidy comes across as fiercely protective of her mom (Cassidy is a pen name she's adopted to protect her mom's privacy). Like many children of same-sex parents, she was expected to defend and protect her mothers from society's homophobia. Her own troubled feelings about her family life were clearly unacceptable to her parents. Even now, the prospect of speaking about her own experience gives her the shakes.

 

Cassidy's story is not science. It's just her own feelings. Many researchers say most kids do just fine in these alternative family forms. Cassidy doesn't buy that research, though. "I don't think a fair study could be conducted because children currently in that family wouldn't necessarily be open to speaking their true feelings about it."

 

Unfair Questions

 

A few years back, she watched "20/20" interviews with children like her. "They were asked questions like: 'Are you happy? Do you love your parents?' I don't think it's fair to ask them those questions. These are their parents. They aren't going to say they are suffering, because they don't want to make their parents feel bad."

 

Some people will say if Cassidy's mom and "my Pat" had been legally married, everything would have been fine. Cassidy doesn't think so. "Even if society were open to it, there's just the whole issue of your self-identity. I always had the feeling I was in a lab experiment."

 

She feels driven to do something, say something, to protect other children like her. "Whenever I see it on TV, something inside of me says 'No.' I don't think it's fair that the kids are being put in this situation. They don't have a choice about it."

 

Do any other adult children with same-sex parents feel the same way? Will we allow any space in this intense debate between adult combatants for something as simple as one child's feelings?

Ah, ok. So the opinion of one person is to be taken over the multiples of people you provided in your first article?

 

Well I think that my father is a douchebag, so all marriage should be banned period on my opinion.

I honestly would have rather grown up with two mom's rather than one mom and one sh*tty father.

I honestly would have rather grown up with two mom's rather than one mom and one sh*tty father.

 

Accord I have a new-found respect for you. That's not an easy thing to say.