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No Pun Intended


Dodge
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NO PUN INTENDED

 

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

 

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

 

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:

'A beer please, and one for the road.'

 

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

 

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

 

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

 

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

 

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

 

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

 

12. I went to a seafood disco last week - and pulled a mussel.

 

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

 

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

 

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.

Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

 

17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture o f Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

 

18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)

 

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

19. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

 

 

I didn't check Snopes or Hoax busters to see if this actually works or if it's a scam or hoax.

It has been said that.....

 

If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked,

 

You should spray yourself with some Windex immediately.....

 

 

It'll keep you from streaking.

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A knot walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, buddy. I don't want to start anything, but we just don't serve your kind here." So the knot walks out real pissed and finds an alleyway. He begins to tear himself apart and rolls around on the ground and gets shards of broken beer bottle lodged in him. After about 30 minutes of doing this, he walks into the bar all bloody and torn up. The bartender says, "Hey! Weren't you the same guy who came in here 30 minutes ago?" The knot replied, "I'm a frayed knot."

 

Thank you, thank you...

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