December 7, 200322 yr Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men? A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. Q: How do you fix a women's watch? A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven. Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do? A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure. Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first? A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in. Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A: A women who won't do what she's told. Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? A: Divorced.
December 7, 200322 yr Author HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt 5. Drive away HERS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Back up and pull forward to get closer 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it. 9. Enter PIN 10. Study instructions. 11. Hit "cancel" 12. Re-enter correct PIN 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. Stop 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 36. Check makeup 37. Put car in reverse 38. Put car in drive 39. Drive away from machine 40. Drive 3 miles 41. Release parking brake
December 7, 200322 yr Author On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??" For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this."
December 7, 200322 yr Author A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs !" "Blowjobs!", the woman replied. "It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her ! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again. In the middle the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied," If I can teach this frog to cook, your a** is gone."
December 7, 200322 yr Q: Why can't women drive? A: There aren't any roads from the bedroom to the kitchen. Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: Who the hell cares? She should be in the kitchen!
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