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MLB to Introduce "Jackie Robinson Week"


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MLB to Introduce "Jackie Robinson Week" by Frank Capetti

 

In order to rejuvinate African American interest in baseball, 65 pound anoerexic Bud Selig and Major League Baseball's owners improve to expand April 15th, the original date of "Jackie Robinson Day" (the color barrier was broken for the second time in baseball) to last for almost a week, until April 20th. (Which was going to be John Rocker day) Major League Baseball can not stress enough that the fan's must appreciate what Jackie Robinson has done for American Culture, by stressing his accomplishment to death. "This is a great day in baseball" says Selig, "Jackie Robinson's courage and accomplishments will never be forgetten." Robinson was known for not only being the first African American player in the 20th century, but he was also known to be called safe during the world series when he was obviously out. As Yogi Berra recalls, "The N***** was out."

 

Selig, plans to try to get more interest from the "people of color" community into baseball. Selig and owners are working on teams to start "Throwback Thursdays", in which the home and visiting team wear throwbacks during Thursday games to boost ethnic attendance. "Having teams wear 'throwbacks' allows them to be more in touch with the totally up to date style of the negro-afro-american community, plus, come on, major league baseball is running out of money, we have to copy the NBA's ideas and mass market them." Also, in order to fall the NBA's precedents, Baseball is also drawing plans on adding a wildcard to each division and a strict salary cap that forces teams to discard players yearly. Plus, instead of influencing honor, teamwork, and chemistry on teams, now owners will be telling their managers to fine players that don't "trash talk", leer, showboat, and be "all in yo face" after strikeouts and homeruns. Pitcher Tom Gordon remarks, "This is not cool, if everyone else is like me and shows off after striking people out in meaningless spring training games, I won't feel special anymore."

 

Also, there is nothing more American than a six dollar ballpark dog, but there are more ideas on how to draw more African American interest into ballpark cuisine. In order to do this, ballpark dogs are being renamed "dollar dawgs" and will be priced just $3.50, because everyone presumes black people are poor. Also, since African Americans love fried chicken, vendors will start selling drumsticks for two dollars a piece. Angels fan Fernando Diaz is ecstatic about these ideas, "Ballpark food was getting expensive, but because of black people, I only pay two seventy five for a Pepsi now."

 

After all of these ideas, many agree that this is not enough to draw African American interest into baseball. An unnamed but reliable source says, "Blacks are not going to watch games when there not any black people on the field, come on, usually the black guy on the team is from San Pedro de Marcois for christ sake." Since this source leaked out, Selig plans to bring affirmative action into baseball. "Major League Baseball teams have to attempt to put more African American players into the lineup, it is a known fact that fans like cheering for a player of his own ethnicity." This 'affirmative action' will bring just "slightly" less qualified individuals into the lineup and the field. For example, Kenny Lofton will displace Bernie Williams in center, CC Sabathia will be displaced by Jerome Robertson in Cleveland's starting rotation, and Tony Clark will now automatically win the DH job over Jason Giambi in New York. Giambi says, "Well, I guess it's fair, people like Tony Clark and Lenny Harris are poor and helpless, they deserve these oppurtunities." CC Sabathia is filing a complaint though, because he insists that he is in fact black, and not a latino.

 

Also, parking is a b***h in many major league ballparks, and if an African American can not bring his Escalade to the ballpark, he can't go to the game. Selig and 27 out of 30 baseball owners are proposing a "People of COLORED parking lot" with extra wide spaces for Escalades. An unnamed owner says, "Hey, if this boosts attendance, I'm all for it as long as it's separate but equal."

 

Lastly, to boost popularity within the African Community, many Major League Baseball teams are going to give away Ethnically targetted promotions like a Hormel "soul food" Apron, bootleg DVDs, and unsold videos of all three "Friday" movies. Plus, many teams plan on showing episodes of the "Chappelle Show" before games instead of clips of This Week in Baseball. Dave Chappelle remarks, "Hey, comedy central pays me 500 dollars an episode, and if they play my show before 12 baseball games a day, I get another 12 dollars for 162 days."

 

Of course, the solution of getting Black interest back into baseball isn't to actually show a couple of black fans in the stands on TV, or to not totally alienate them, but it is a much better idea to use African American "Qualities" to bring their interest back into a game. Maybe, two years from now Baseball will have Jackie Robinson Month and then the problem will fix itself.

 

Fleetwood Walker was busy rolling in his grave and was unavailable for comment.

In other news:

 

- Baseball to have affirmative action for women. Softball star Jennie Finch was signed two year five million deal to become the ace of the Detroit Tiger's rotation. Tigers owner Mike Ilitch remarks, "Her deceptive underhand delievery will give our team an edge."

 

- Red Sox relief pitcher Jose Canseco loses closer job to 16 ERA pitcher after blowing out his arm by throwing a curve ball. Keith Foulke remarks, "Hey, the way I'm getting paid they'd keep me on the roster anyway like Ramiro Mendoza."

 

- Cubs fan claims that the Billy Goat curse is over because he won the world series in "MVP Baseball 2004"

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Not to hate man, but could you please not use the N-word, even if it is is a direct quote? I really don't need to hear or see that word for that matter

this guy is obviously a racist, that's why he hates bonds so much because Bonds is a dominate black guy

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Not to hate man, but could you please not use the N-word, even if it is is a direct quote? I really don't need to hear or see that word for that matter

this guy is obviously a racist, that's why he hates bonds so much because Bonds is a dominate black guy Dude's probably not racist, everyone makes mistakes now and then, don't start a witch trial guys.

 

For the record, I hate Barry Bonds too. And it's not because he's a dominant black man, it's because he's a spoiled, over pampered, jackass who thinks he's a higher class of human cause he swings the bat well. Period.

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I know who wrote this and he's not racist.

 

In fact, the n word was used in a fashion to make fun of racists in the 50s.

 

Furthermore, the article implies that patronizing black people is wrong and speaks against black stereotypes, like "they all like wearing throwbacks", how "blacks are all poor", and "they all own escalades."

 

Lastly it ends with "Fleet walker was rolling in his grave". JAckie Robinson wasn't the first black player, Fleetwood Walker, barehand catcher of 1885 (I think) was.

 

If anything, this satire was extremely anti-racist and I found it hilarious.

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Not to hate man, but could you please not use the N-word, even if it is is a direct quote? I really don't need to hear or see that word for that matter

this guy is obviously a racist, that's why he hates bonds so much because Bonds is a dominate black guy Dude's probably not racist, everyone makes mistakes now and then, don't start a witch trial guys.

 

For the record, I hate Barry Bonds too. And it's not because he's a dominant black man, it's because he's a spoiled, over pampered, jackass who thinks he's a higher class of human cause he swings the bat well. Period. Barry RULZ! Plus, so many people hate on the guy that it's slowly turning me into a fan. I watched his SportsCenter interview on opening day and it was hilarious.

 

His best point was, if he was a nobody, then nobody would care. And his best line: "They can test me every day if they want, I'm for it." and then, "It's not like I've never been tested before. Passed that test, wanna' give me another one? I'll pass it, too."

 

Barry Bonds is tight.

 

Get over it. These posts are getting really old.

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I know who wrote this and he's not racist.

 

In fact, the n word was used in a fashion to make fun of racists in the 50s.

 

Furthermore, the article implies that patronizing black people is wrong and speaks against black stereotypes, like "they all like wearing throwbacks", how "blacks are all poor", and "they all own escalades."

 

Lastly it ends with "Fleet walker was rolling in his grave". JAckie Robinson wasn't the first black player, Fleetwood Walker, barehand catcher of 1885 (I think) was.

 

If anything, this satire was extremely anti-racist and I found it hilarious.

Anti Racist as it may be, just please don't use that word.

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Not to get in a whole other bag, but what if I told you a black man wrote this?

 

Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock, and ect use the n word in witty hilarious circumstances in such a fashion to take away from the word and condemn it. As long as the n word has a place in comedy and satire, I see no need to discriminate.

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Not to get in a whole other bag, but what if I told you a black man wrote this?

 

Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock, and ect use the n word in witty hilarious circumstances in such a fashion to take away from the word and condemn it. As long as the n word has a place in comedy and satire, I see no need to discriminate.

Always have to get in the last word, don't you? Well, find, I'll go off then....

 

A) The N-word shouldn't be used anywhere, not by blacks calling it each other that or white trash screaming about how she hates them in public. It makes others feel uncomfortable in it's use (whites and blacks) and I think it'd be better if we could just move past this kind of crap.

 

B) The article isn't funny, as in at all. I don't find humor in the "irony," the "satire" or anything else contained therin. It's malicious. Period. This is basically "Those silly negroes and their fads" jokes I see and don't find funny on BET, too.

 

C) I'm inflammatory 'cause it's not funny.

 

I'm sure you'll respond top this with a ten page dissertation, well, because you're a loser, who has too much time on his hands and can afford to troll around the boards all night. So, get your scope read and start snipin' away, ass.

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Always have to get in the last word, don't you? Well, find, I'll go off then....

 

A) The N-word shouldn't be used anywhere, not by blacks calling it each other that or white trash screaming about how she hates them in public. It makes others feel uncomfortable in it's use (whites and blacks) and I think it'd be better if we could just move past this kind of crap.

 

B) The article isn't funny, as in at all. I don't find humor in the "irony," the "satire" or anything else contained therin. It's malicious. Period. This is basically "Those silly negroes and their fads" jokes I see and don't find funny on BET, too.

 

C) I'm inflammatory 'cause it's not funny.

 

I'm sure you'll respond top this with a ten page dissertation, well, because you're a loser, who has too much time on his hands and can afford to troll around the boards all night. So, get your scope read and start snipin' away, ass.

a) I think any word is funny used in the proper context. Hey, Guinea jokes, jew jokes, and h****y jokes might not be your cupt of tea, but they're mine. It is a matter of context. If we wipe the n word out of existence, we have to wipe every offensive name out of existence. Not saying that is a bad idea, but in order to be consistant in your beliefs, you would have to hold this position.

 

However, making fun of people with ignorant and stupid beliefs IS my cup of tea and so I let the word pass because of the context it was used in.

 

b) To be malicious, it would have to be directed against black people. Unless you're a drooling idiot, it is very easy to realize that it is making fun of how whites perceive black people and whites in general. By the way, I don't watch BET, but at dangerfield's in the city, a black comic pretty much did make several "those silly negroes and their fads" jokes, so don't use BET as the be all end all of black culture.

 

c) You're what...28 YEARS OLD. You're on a board 8 or 9 o'clock at night? Wow, you're a real winner ass wipe. You know what I am doing? Taking a break between geology notes. Oh whoopy doo. I don't stay on my computer at night for fun, you might, whatever. And I don't spend 30 minutes writing back anything either, it comes very natural to me.

 

And aren't you intelligent enough (wait, you're not) to realize that by calling someone an ass and flaming THEM makes YOU the troll, exactly what you are accusing me of?

 

I have come to the following conclusion: You're a big baby that can't stand when someone disagrees with you and when someone does you decide to hate them over it. You see, I first started talking to you about American policy with Korea and you were so thick headed you got all angry over that...

 

Then you find out that I happen to dislike George Bush and not believe in discrimination of homosexuals. After that, you write a public apology about how I'm not a bad guy and all is forgiven and in other posts you said, "I agree with you 85% of the time" and you take a mature tone. Now, because you are the savior of black people and your opinion must stand up for "their's", you get all pissy and moany like a woman. Wow, big surprise.

 

Try posting when you don't have PMS. Good day.

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Always have to get in the last word, don't you?? Well, find, I'll go off then....

 

A) The N-word shouldn't be used anywhere, not by blacks calling it each other that or white trash screaming about how she hates them in public.? It makes others feel uncomfortable in it's use (whites and blacks) and I think it'd be better if we could just move past this kind of crap.

 

B) The article isn't funny, as in at all.? I don't find humor in the? "irony," the "satire" or anything else contained therin.? It's malicious.? Period.? This is basically "Those silly negroes and their fads" jokes I see and don't find funny on BET, too.

 

C) I'm inflammatory 'cause it's not funny.

 

I'm sure you'll respond top this with a ten page dissertation, well, because you're a loser, who has too much time on his hands and can afford to troll around the boards all night.? So, get your scope read and start snipin' away, ass.

a) I think any word is funny used in the proper context. Hey, Guinea jokes, jew jokes, and h****y jokes might not be your cupt of tea, but they're mine. It is a matter of context. If we wipe the n word out of existence, we have to wipe every offensive name out of existence. Not saying that is a bad idea, but in order to be consistant in your beliefs, you would have to hold this position.

 

However, making fun of people with ignorant and stupid beliefs IS my cup of tea and so I let the word pass because of the context it was used in.

 

b) To be malicious, it would have to be directed against black people. Unless you're a drooling idiot, it is very easy to realize that it is making fun of how whites perceive black people and whites in general. By the way, I don't watch BET, but at dangerfield's in the city, a black comic pretty much did make several "those silly negroes and their fads" jokes, so don't use BET as the be all end all of black culture.

 

c) You're what...28 YEARS OLD. You're on a board 8 or 9 o'clock at night? Wow, you're a real winner ass wipe. You know what I am doing? Taking a break between geology notes. Oh whoopy doo. I don't stay on my computer at night for fun, you might, whatever. And I don't spend 30 minutes writing back anything either, it comes very natural to me.

 

And aren't you intelligent enough (wait, you're not) to realize that by calling someone an ass and flaming THEM makes YOU the troll, exactly what you are accusing me of?

 

I have come to the following conclusion: You're a big baby that can't stand when someone disagrees with you and when someone does you decide to hate them over it. You see, I first started talking to you about American policy with Korea and you were so thick headed you got all angry over that...

 

Then you find out that I happen to dislike George Bush and not believe in discrimination of homosexuals. After that, you write a public apology about how I'm not a bad guy and all is forgiven and in other posts you said, "I agree with you 85% of the time" and you take a mature tone. Now, because you are the savior of black people and your opinion must stand up for "their's", you get all pissy and moany like a woman. Wow, big surprise.

 

Try posting when you don't have PMS. Good day. Listen you ass.

 

Woodworth has more class and intelligence in his stool than you do in your entire body. DONT USE THAT WORD ON THIS BOARD how hard is that? I was nice about asking you not to use it, but you see fit to defend it like it was your own personal conquest.

 

Get it through your head.. YOU'RE WRONG! That word has no damn place here, or anywhere for that matter. If you want to display your ignorance in the privacy of your house or your own website, feel free, but don't come on here spewing your racially based "satires". Period. I dont want to see it, Obviously no one else does either. Jesus, can't you tell that no one approves of that? SO STOP!

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Then you find out that I happen to dislike George Bush and not believe in discrimination of homosexuals. After that, you write a public apology about how I'm not a bad guy and all is forgiven and in other posts you said, "I agree with you 85% of the time" and you take a mature tone. Now, because you are the savior of black people and your opinion must stand up for "their's", you get all pissy and moany like a woman. Wow, big surprise.

 

No one claimed to be any type of savior. We just claim to be intelligent people that refuse to stand for ignorant racial slurs in any way, shape, or form. Period.

 

 

On a side note...Youre a b***h. Thank you

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Did I say the N word? Was the context it was used in in the least bit offending? If I put "*" will that shut you up, even though we are all smart enought to discern what it means?

 

You can praise Brian's stool all you want, that doesn't change the irrational nature of his beliefs and attitude.

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Did I say the N word? Was the context it was used in in the least bit offending? If I put "*" will that shut you up, even though we are all smart enought to discern what it means?

 

You can praise Brian's stool all you want, that doesn't change the irrational nature of his beliefs and attitude.

No, dont use it. Period.

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Did I say the N word? Was the context it was used in in the least bit offending? If I put "*" will that shut you up, even though we are all smart enought to discern what it means?

 

You can praise Brian's stool all you want, that doesn't change the irrational nature of his beliefs and attitude.

No, dont use it. Period. I'll use whatever the hell I want to use in the proper context. You have something in your skull called a brain. You know damn well the context the word was used in.

 

If someone wrote a post "The history of the word 'n****r'" would you get your panties all bunched up? I guess I will find out soon, because the above sentence might be too offensive for some reason I cannot understand (because it is a worthy topic of discussion.)

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Then you find out that I happen to dislike George Bush and not believe in discrimination of homosexuals. After that, you write a public apology about how I'm not a bad guy and all is forgiven and in other posts you said, "I agree with you 85% of the time" and you take a mature tone. Now, because you are the savior of black people and your opinion must stand up for "their's", you get all pissy and moany like a woman. Wow, big surprise.

 

No one claimed to be any type of savior. We just claim to be intelligent people that refuse to stand for ignorant racial slurs in any way, shape, or form. Period.

 

 

On a side note...Youre a b***h. Thank you You're a stupid moron. Thank you.

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