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ESPN.com Page 2 Predictions LMAO!


djm305
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You guys should go and read this section it's quite funny. They made predictions on things that will happen around the MLB every day of the season, here are a few quotes from some dares in MAY.

 

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/april

 

May 11 -- In an effort to jumpstart the team the same way it did in 2003, management of the World Champion Marlins, sporting a disappointing 13-18 record, fire manager Jack McKeon to "find someone a little bit older."

 

May 12 -- Finding that there is no one older, the Marlins re-hire McKeon.

 

May 13 -- Nomar Garciaparra sets a personal best with 38 adjustments to his batting gloves before a single pitch. Commenting after the game, he says, "I am as amazed as ever at the magical qualities of Velcro."

 

The Nomar one is great! If you've seen him play you will get it. =)

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HAD to add this quote....man some of these are hilarious!

 

May 14 -- Mike Piazza starts his first game ever as a pitcher and gives up 29 runs in a blowout loss to the Astros. However, he hits opposing starter Roger Clemens four times in the head with pitches, and beans him repeatedly with pickoff attempts to first base.

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HAD to add this quote....man some of these are hilarious!

 

May 14 -- Mike Piazza starts his first game ever as a pitcher and gives up 29 runs in a blowout loss to the Astros. However, he hits opposing starter Roger Clemens four times in the head with pitches, and beans him repeatedly with pickoff attempts to first base.

LOL!!! :lol

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HAD to add this quote....man some of these are hilarious!

 

May 14 -- Mike Piazza starts his first game ever as a pitcher and gives up 29 runs in a blowout loss to the Astros. However, he hits opposing starter Roger Clemens four times in the head with pitches, and beans him repeatedly with pickoff attempts to first base.

LOL!!! :lol Everytime I read that line it cracks me up. (I remember the incident with Clemens hitting Piazza)

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Guest FishFanInPA

Sept. 4 -- A New York Mets beat writer is fired after it is found he has been fabricating stories all year, such as a recent piece in which he wrote that the Mets had clinched the division despite the team actually being 19 games out of first place.

This was particularly funny

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Sept. 4 -- A New York Mets beat writer is fired after it is found he has been fabricating stories all year, such as a recent piece in which he wrote that the Mets had clinched the division despite the team actually being 19 games out of first place.

This was particularly funny lol

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June 24 -- The Yankees sign Ted Williams to a contract and place his brain inside the head of a 24-year old outfield prospect

June 29 -- Ted Williams goes 3-for-4 and knocks in the game-winning run as the Yankees down the Red Sox 6-4.

 

June 30 -- Thanks to online write-in support from overseas, Houston Rockets center Yao Ming is selected as the National League's starting shortstop for the All-Star Game.

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I figured since I have nothing to do I will put all the Marlins ones here, for people that dont feel like reading.

 

April 18 -- During a game against the Marlins, Braves pitching coach Leo Mazzone decides he can't take it anymore, stops rocking and goes to a clubhouse urinal to relieve the pressure on his bladder that he's been resisting for all these years.

 

Not Marlins but this one is a good one

June 15 -- In a surreal moment for Red Sox fans, Mookie Wilson's son, Preston Wilson, hits a weak groundball through the legs of first baseman Kevin Millar in the bottom of the 10th inning of an interleague game, plating the winning run in a 6-5 Boston loss

 

Back to the Marlin ones

July 3 -- Forced by league rules to add a Milwaukee Brewer to the NL All-Star roster, manager Jack McKeon instead resigns his post, saying he can't in good conscience call a current member of the Brewers an "All-Star."

 

July 6 -- Despite being named to their respective All-Star teams, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Josh Beckett announce they will skip the game and instead play Wiffle ball in Jeter's living room while they watch a tape of the Super Bowl.

 

July 7 -- Thinking he was giving his assistant GM his lunch request for a local takeout, Cardinals GM Walt Jocketty accidentally acquires Hee Seop Choi from the Marlins.

 

July 15 -- Referencing the "Bush 1" jersey they gave him on their visit to the White House to celebrate their World Series win, President Bush orders the Marlins to insert him into their starting lineup as they begin a road trip into the swing states of Pennsylvania and New York.

 

August 4 -- Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria offers Dan Marino an executive position with the team, and takes umbrage with a reporter who suggests it is only a "figurehead position." Marino accepts

 

August 6 -- Dan Marino resigns from his position with the Marlins, citing family issues, a desire to play golf, an upcoming shoot of a new Isotoner commercial, and the fact that he knows absolutely nothing about baseball.

 

August 22 -- David Wells wears his authentic Babe Ruth hat in an outing against the Marlins

 

Sort of related to the Marlins

Oct. 2 -- On his way to Wrigley Field to watch the Cubs take on the Braves with a playoff berth at stake, Steve Bartman hits Mark Prior with his car, breaking the ace's leg.

 

Oct. 3 -- Cubs fans explode Steve Bartman at Harry Caray's Restaurant.

 

Yes I know I need a life but opening day is only about 20 hours away :D

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HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

 

May 1 -- The New York Mets wear their bright orange jerseys while the Padres take the field in their camouflage uniforms. The game is called after the fifth inning so the teams can go on hunting trip.

 

May 25 -- Tom Glavine blames QuesTec after he locks his keys in his car.

 

May 28 -- The FCC fines MLB and its broadcast partners $4 million after announcers repeatedly mispronounce the last name of Pittsburgh third-base coach Rusty Kuntz during a broadcast of a Pirates-Cubs game.

 

May 30 -- Astros rookie Jason Lane is injured when Jeff Kent makes him wash his truck.

 

May 31 -- Mariano Rivera is fined $10,000 by the players union for refusing to wear a goatee, the long-required facial hair for a major-league closer.

 

June 4 -- Nearly a year to the date after the 2003 corking incident, Sammy Sosa is caught using an aluminum bat when he hits a pinging 683-foot home run home run in a win over the Pirates.

 

June 10 -- The Cardinals' Jim Edmonds secures the final out against the Diamondbacks with an amazing, diving, circus catch in a 4-3 win. Later, Edmonds denies that he purposely ran several steps in the wrong direction as soon as the routine flyball left the bat so the catch would look more impressive.

 

June 17 -- The Brewers, for sale since mid-January, are purchased for $8.25 by a nine-year-old suburban Milwaukee girl at a yard sale near her house.

 

June 19 -- The Astros lose Jeff Bagwell, Lance Berkman and Craig Biggio for the season when the trio is attacked and stung repeatedly by a swarm of killer bees.

 

July 16 -- Testifying in front of a Congressional committee investigating baseball's antitrust exemption, Bud Selig admits that he and Janet Reno are the same person.

 

July 18 -- Despite low home run totals league-wide, Coors Field continues to produce offense, as Rockies pitcher Jason Jennings launches an upper deck shot while attempting a sacrifice bunt.

 

August 1 -- Randy Johnson refuses to report to the Red Sox and announces he is retiring from baseball to accept a Nike sponsorship on the Professional Bowlers Association tour.

August 2 -- The Red Sox contact Andre Agassi about playing second base.

 

August 18 -- Leading the majors with a .364 average, Cleveland's Coco Crisp is placed on the front of the Wheaties box.

 

August 19 -- The Braves issue a statement to dispel rumors that pitching coach Leo Mazzone is just a life-size bobblehead doll and not an actual person.

 

August 21 -- Looking for more protection, Barry Bonds duct-tapes a 1976 Volvo to his arm to replace his plastic guard.

 

August 26 -- John Kerry pulls ahead in the polls by highlighting the fact that, when President Bush was an owner of the Rangers, he approved the trade of Sammy Sosa.

August 27 -- President Bush pulls back even in the polls by highlighting the fact that, as a fan of the Red Sox, John Kerry is a loser.

 

August 31 -- Yankees' starter Kevin Brown, realizing it's nearly September and he hasn't been injured yet, goes into shock and is placed on the 15-day disabled list.

 

Sept. 9 -- The YES Network buys the broadcast rights to Red Sox games and refuses to air them in New England.

 

Sept. 14 -- Jose Canseco announces that his book will be delayed until he learns how to read and write.

 

Sept. 19 -- Boston's Kevin Millar is suspended for five games for gouging Yankees catcher Jorge Posada with his spurs when he slides into home plate with the winning run in a 7-6 Boston victory.

 

Sept. 23 -- The White Sox pull a prank on visiting Royals' first-base coach Tom Gamboa, hiring two shirtless men two jump onto the field and chase him around while Gamboa receives absolutely no assistance from Comiskey security personnel.

 

Sept. 28 -- With temperatures in the low 40s in Chicago, Dusty Baker fields an all-white lineup for a game against the Reds.

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