You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

 

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"

 

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

 

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

 

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

 

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

 

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

 

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

 

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

 

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

 

You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

 

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

 

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

 

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

 

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

 

You answer to "The Man."

 

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

 

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

 

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

 

You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

 

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

 

When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

 

You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

 

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

 

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

 

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

 

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

 

You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

 

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

 

You've ever called education a luxury.

 

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

 

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

 

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

 

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

 

You're afraid of the liberal media."

 

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

 

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

 

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

 

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

Things "Republicans" Believe

 

 

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

 

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

 

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

 

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

 

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

 

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

 

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

 

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

 

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

 

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

 

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

 

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

 

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

 

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

 

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

 

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

 

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

 

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

 

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

 

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

well said.

Nice compilation as usual Lina.

What you have to believe to be a Democrat:

 

Drug addiction is a disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding...unless the addict is a Conservative talk show host.

 

The United States should be subservient to the United Nations. Our highest authority is not God and the U.S. Constitution, but a collective of tinpot dictators (and their appeasers) and the U.N. charter.

 

Government should relax drug laws regardless of the potential for abuse, but should pass new and unConstitutional anti-gun laws because of the potential for abuse.

 

Calls for increased security after a terrorist attack are "political opportunism," but calls for more gun control after a criminal's spree killing is "a logical solution."

 

"It Takes a Village" means everything you want it to mean...except creeping socialist government involvement in the nuclear family.

 

Disarming innocent, law-abiding citizens helps protect them from evil, lawless terrorists and other thugs.

 

Slowly killing an unborn innocent by tearing it apart limb from limb is good. Slowly killing an innocent disabled woman by starving her to death is good. Quickly killing terrorists, convicted murderers and rapists is BAD.

 

Every religion should be respected and promoted in public schools the name of diversity, so long as that religion isn't Christianity.

 

The best way to support our troops is to criticize their every move. This will let them know they're thought of often.

 

Sexual harassment, groping and drug use are degenerate if you're the governor of California, but it's okay if you're the President of the United States.

 

Sex education should be required so that teens can make informed choices about sex, but gun education should be banned because it will turn those same teens into maniacal mass-murderers.

 

Minorities are blameless for the hatred of the racist; women are blameless for the hatred of the rapist; but America is entirely at fault for the hatred of Islamofascists.

 

Poverty is the cause of all terrorism...which is why the leaders of al Qaeda are typically U.S.-educated and were raised in wealth and luxury.

 

The Patriot Act is a horrific compromise of Constitutional rights, but anti-Second Amendment laws and Franklin Roosevelt's Presidential Order 9066 must be regarded "reasonable precautions."

 

We should unquestioningly honor the wishes of our age-old allies, even when said allies no longer act like our allies and have vested economic interests in propping up our enemies.

 

Socialized medicine is the ideal. Nevermind all those people who spend every dime they have to get to the United States so they can get quality medical care...that their nation's socialized medical community can't provide.

 

Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and Natalie Maines are perfectly qualified to criticize our leadership, but Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charlton Heston, and Dennis Miller are just ignorant political hacks.

 

John Lott's research on how gun ownership reduces crime is junk science, but Michael Bellesiles is still an authority on why gun control is good (even though he was forced to resign from Emory due to research misconduct over his book "Arming America").

 

Bush's toppling the Saddam regime was a "diversion," but Clinton's lobbing a couple of cruise missiles at Iraq in the thick of the Lewinsky sex scandal was "sending a message."

 

A president who lies under oath is okay, but a president who references sixteen words from an allies' intelligence report should be dragged through the streets naked.

 

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning Second Amendment rights and shopping the courts for judges sympathetic to causes that wouldn't pass in any legislature.

 

"The People" in the First Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Fourth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Ninth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Tenth Amendment means The People; but "the People" in the Second Amendment (ratified in 1791) means the National Guard (created by an Act of Congress in 1903).

 

You support a woman's "right to choose" to kill her unborn child, but don't believe that same woman is competent enough to homeschool the children she bears.

 

Proven draft-dodging is irrelevant, but baseless claims of AWOL status is crucial to national security.

 

Threatening to boycott Dr. Laura's and Rush Limbaugh's advertisers is exercising Freedom of Speech, but threatening to boycott CBS's "The Reagans" and Liberal actors over their asinine anti-American remarks is censorship and McCarthyist blacklisting.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

 

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

 

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

 

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

 

You've ever called education a luxury.

 

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

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Uhh. me... :lol

This list is horrible Lina, I am so ashamed, this belongs in the trash, this was stupid, yeah we all believe that...

Great list Lina. I'm just ignoring Chewbacca as usual....

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

 

:lol

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

 

 

There is a distinct difference between unborn innocence and a murderer. :whistle

Yay :plain

funny list. what's not so funny, actually quite sad, is that there are many people (some in here) that actually take that list as truth.

Yay :plain

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:lol Come on Juanky, I know you think it is funny... :mischief

Yay? :plain

612862[/snapback]

 

:lol Come on Juanky, I know you think it is funny... :mischief

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The list is funny. The reactions to both bug me.

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I wonder how he and Ted get along...

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I wonder how he and Ted get along...

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I don't think they speak to much to each other this thanksgiving. After all Ahnold doesn't listen to losers...... :mischief