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We have vanquished the enemy combatants.

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Today is a glorious day. It is my pleasure to announce that the Marlins of Miami on this 5 May 2013 have vanquished the great enemy Phillies of Philadelphia.


It has been a great battle and we have faced many hardships, but today behind the strength of the baseball throwing of Kevin Quick, and the bat of Alan Hechvaria and Mario Ozuna, we have conquered the enemy hoard. The Phillies of Philadelphia who were guilty of things such as doctoring baseballs and corking bats were unable to find victory.


Roy Holladay was absolute trash and as such, we ran straight through him like someone who does not follow the one truth faith of the Marlins of Miami.


Let this be a lesson for all who attempt to interfere with the ways of the Marlins of Miami. We will stick your heads on sticks like we have done today and send you back to your homelands.


Today is a glorious day in Allah's name. Long live the Marlins of Miami!

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