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LordMagnus

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Everything posted by LordMagnus

  1. Just stop. The Marlins are not interested in being competitive this year. They aren't signing anyone else.
  2. Ohhhh look at me. I'm a Cardinals fan who somehow knows every Marlins fan in existence and can easily quantify their opinions.
  3. I think I remember a lot of people on this board saying they should sign another pitcher. Not like anyone thought it would actually happen though.
  4. Is AJ Puk being turned into a starter? I must have missed something.
  5. The moon isn't real. The moon can't hurt you. The moon:
  6. A young athlete like that probably thinks they can eat whatever they want as long as they get in all the work outs and trainings they need. I don't know his workout routine so I can't comment on that.
  7. Yeah well he's Tristian Gray not Christian Gray so we're covered. And call it 51 Shades and they wont be able to sue.
  8. Tristian Gray needs to make the team just so they can do a 50 Shades Night at the ball park.
  9. He was an all star two years ago. Last year was odd for sure. He's only 30. He's going to be bad defensively though.
  10. About as likely as a shrooms night at the park
  11. When Gozer the destroyer pitches for the Marlins
  12. Can't wait for yoga pants uniforms
  13. No moves made. TawainMarlins is sleeping peacefully in his bed, when KLAXON ALARMS begin to LOUDLY WAIL and STROBE POLICE LIGHTS on his wall begin flashing! Is it? Is this the day? TawainMarlins leaps out of bed, and simultaneously a Marlins robe lands gracefully on his naked boy. With the rage of a thousand suns, he grasps a fireman's pole installed into his bed room and grips it firmly. He descends into a hole in the floor until he reaches the bottom of the pole, and a pole shaped red mark is ingrained upon the length of him. At the bottom of the pole, he lands upon a soft chair, and swivels around toward a lit computer screen. As KLAXONS continue to blare, he opens the notoriously vagrant infested website marlinsbaseball.com. This is finally the day, the day the Marlins have signed a free agent, he mutters to himself. A new thread appears on the forums, with users already posting hot and heavy. He then reads the thread title. MARLINS HIRE NEW ASSISTANT COFFEE MAKER. THE ASSISTANT WILL GURGLE COFFEE BEANS AND SPIT OUT BREWED COFFEE. He cannot believe his eyes. The furious rage of a thousand suns boil up inside of him. He grabs the pole that he slid down and snaps it into two pieces. The ceiling starts to collapse around him. Ignoring the falling of his house around him, he angrily types broken sentences of pure unfiltered ire about the Marlins front office. As the house crumbles around him, things go dark. Suddenly, he is startled awake, lying in his bed somehow. POLICE STROBE lights flash around him. Then the panic sets in. He is trapped. Forever.
  14. He just woke up from his nap and had no clue what was going on. Poor guy.
  15. Specifically, who on this roster right now is better? Name someone. I don't view Burger and Bell as replacements, because the Marlins had Burger, Bell, and Soler last year. He wasn't replaced at all. He was allowed to walk. Bell could be a DH, but then you just have another gaping hole at first base offensively.
  16. Who is replacing Soler as the DH that is better?
  17. I did leave out Burger because he is the lone person who I think I can hit 30+. I wanted to take a look at the other pieces of the line up because I think we all agree he's probably the most promising part of the line up. As for Soler, his numbers are usually low in years where he gets injured. He was on a good home run pace in his first year with the Marlins until injuries hit him badly. Being a DH would help mitigate a lot of that. Right now, does the team really have a proper DH? I see other people mentioning the lack of Jacob Stallings, but we don't exactly have someone to replace him who is all that great. Last year was really disappointing at the catcher position as we all figured the guy who's name I can't remember right now would at least be decent, but he was bad.
  18. Bell is going to give you 20 to 25 at most, but probably more like 15 to 20. Sanchez's peak is also 15-20. Jazz? I think his ceiling isn't that high either and I don't expect anything close to a full season from him. This was one of the worst offenses in baseball and one of the lowest in home run rate. It's definitely not improved and I would argue its worse.
  19. Who the hell is going to hit home runs on this team besides Jake Burger? This is one of the weakest line ups I've ever seen.
  20. Who's going to be assistant toilet flusher?
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