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THE 10 RULES FOR THE BUFFET LINE AT THANKSGIVING DINNER


yenta

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THE 10 RULES FOR THE BUFFET LINE AT THANKSGIVING DINNER

 

 

1. If you are allergic to anything, get the ingredients before

the

buffet table is set. Don't wait until you are in line and ask

what

everything is on the da *n table! You will get punched in the

head for

that!

 

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your a $$

down

until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the

time for you

to be independent. Nibble on them da * n pecans and walnuts to

hold you

over.

 

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, keep them in the

basement and bring their food down there. Tell them that they

are not

allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start

telling

family stories about their mommas and papas. If they bring their

a **

upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to

death, I will

break a foot off in their a ** !

 

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST

ONE!

We do not care what you are thankful for at the buffet table.

Save that talk

for somebody who gives a da * n. The time limit for the prayer

is

one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is

up, you will

feel something hard come across your lips and they will be

swollen

for approximately 20 minutes.

 

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds!

If

you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy

a * * home

next year!

 

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing

yourself

a plate in my good Tupperware knowing da ** well that I will

never see it

again! If you touch my ish , I will shoot you!! Hands down!

 

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not

leave my

house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL

BE SUBJECTED

TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

 

8. Don't not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to

house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent

roll call

every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of

roll call, your child will put outside until you come and get

him or her.

After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant a ** !!

 

 

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will

be no

sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and

take your a **

home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT

11pm. You

will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

 

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a

soup

kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas

dinner! You

will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the

appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave.

There will be a

cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his

greedy a

** family, we know have a credit card machine! So VISA and

MASTERCARD are

now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

 

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

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