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How To Get Out of A Speeding Ticket

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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

 

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

 

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

 

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

 

Officer: The car is stolen?

 

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

 

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

 

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the lady who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

 

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

 

Driver: Yes, sir.

 

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

 

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

 

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

 

It was valid.

 

Captain: Who's car is this?

 

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

 

The driver owned the car.

 

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

 

Driver: Gun? What gun ?? ...There's no gun in it.

 

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

 

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

 

Driver: I said what ????

 

Trunk is opened; no body.

 

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

 

Driver: Yeah, And I'll bet the lying son-of-a-b*tch told you I was speeding too!

*writes it down and posts it on dashboard*

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