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Man Laws


Bradcore
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1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

 

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

© After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.

 

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

 

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

 

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

 

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

 

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

 

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

 

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

 

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

 

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

 

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

 

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

 

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

 

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

 

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

 

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

 

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

 

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

 

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

 

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

 

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

 

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

 

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

 

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

 

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

 

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

 

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

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28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

 

 

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol

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14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed

 

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers..

:lol :lol :lol :lol

 

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

I've never really understood this rule. Dating your friend's sister is okay in my book.

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A man shall not don the colors of a championship team unless there is documented proof he wore them prior to the start of the season.

 

A man must always tip a hot female bartender more than a fast male bartender. No exceptions.

 

Men must choose other men over women unless special circumstances decree otherwise.

 

A man must have a firm and defendable stance on the designated hitter rule.

 

A man must establish allegience to one football team prior to preseason.

 

A man may be excited for fall because of football season, not because it opens up items in the wardrobe.

 

Regardless of searing pain, a man does not alter his stride over hot sand.

 

When describing the size of a fish you caught, it is expected that you will exagerate the dimensions with hand gestures, but you cannot lie about the weight.

 

Men do not throw eachother birthday parties. They buy them a beer.

 

It is always acceptable for a man to cannonball into a swimming pool. Any time. Any circumstances. No exceptions.

 

Men cannot cheat at pool, darts, or poker.

 

A man shall never apologize or explain why he never called another man back.

 

If a man has a car that can burn rubber, he is obligated to do so from time to time.

 

His dog is a member of his family too. Thus, dog is allowed to sleep on bed.

 

It is acceptable for a man to attempt to fix home appliances by himself.

 

A man caught talking baby talk to his wife over the fone will be subject to ridicule for not more than 1 football game.

 

If a borrowed tool is damaged or recieves any noticable wear, it is to be replaced with a new one without comment.

 

A man should not give another man his coat if the other guy is saying "he's cold". Unless said man is on the verge of dying.

 

If a man's friend calls him at 3am, you pick him up wherever he is, with no questions.

 

If you ever compliment a guys six pack, you damn well better be talking about his choice of beverage.

 

A man-to-man phone call can last no longer than 5 minutes. No exceptions.

 

All injuries are treatable by "walking it off"

 

A man shall never complain that another man "never calls him anymore"

 

Men shall never drink a wine cooler.

 

Women who claim they "love sports" must be considered spies until they have proven knowledge of the sport.

 

No man shall give himself his own nickname.

 

Grilling, no matter the weather, should always be the first choice for cooking.

 

Unless women are part of the movie going experience, men must institute a buffer seat between them.

 

Holding the door for any lady is always the right thing to do.

 

No man may ever use the word cute unless he is insulting another man for using the word cute.

 

A man may never fill in his championship bracket on the basis of which teams mascot would win in a fight. Ammendment: or by team colors

 

If someone accidentially drinks from your beer, it is now their beer and they must get you a new one.

 

A bet is a bet and must be paid under any circumstances

 

There should not be fruit placed in your beer for any reason

 

Playing any sport shirtless when teams are not seperated by shirts vs skins is forbidden

 

No man may ever abandon their favorite team, regardless of how bad they are.

 

It is perfectly normal for two men to watch an entire sporting event and not say a word to each other.

 

No man shall refer to his own undergarments as "manties"

 

A man purse is still a purse

 

No man shall have to purchase the beer for the night if the party is at his house

 

The word football shall never be used in place of soccer in America

 

A man shall never dance for fun, unless it improves his chances of getting a girl.

 

A man cannot say "oh you need to try this!"

 

Body paint on a man is only acceptable on game day and in support of his favorite team.

 

Yes, no, and ok are perfectly acceptable answers to any question.

 

Under no circumstances can the same man be made to go on a beer run more than once during the same gathering.

 

It is completely acceptable for a man to tear up during a movie if it shows your "sensative side" to the opposite sex.

 

Upon approaching other men watching a sporting event, it is acceptable to ask the score of the game, but never acceptable to ask who is playing.

 

Every man must have plenty of condiments, always ketchup.

 

Men shall be required to learn and be proficient at driving a manual transmission.

 

Bringing a girlfriend to a guys night out is punishible by verbal abuse for the remainder of the night.

 

On a road trip, he with the strongest bladder decides when to stop.

 

Anytime you agree to exchange hits to any part of the body, if you administer the first hit you may not do anything to avoid or lessen the pain of the hit coming to you.

 

If you do not sweat, it is not a sport.

 

There are no bad hair days, only baseball cap days.

 

A man may not bet against his team under any circumstances.

 

A man shall never ask another man if the shirt he has on makes him look fat.

 

A man must understand the infield fly rule.

 

Armbands, headbands, and such accessories are not permitted to leave the gym.

 

If a snake catches a man by suprise, it is perfectly acceptable to scream once

 

Camaflouge is always appropriate, except weddings and funerals.

 

A man shall never give up on his team until they are officially eliminated.

 

If your girlfriend takes you to a chick flick, you are allowed to enjoy it, but never allowed to admit enjoyment to anyone except girlfriend

 

The only rings acceptable for a man to wear are wedding rings and championship rings.

 

There are no leftovers when eating steak.

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14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed

 

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers..

:lol :lol :lol :lol

 

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

I've never really understood this rule. Dating your friend's sister is okay in my book.

but see...guys talk...about positions, how good it is, etc. etc. if he is talking about your lil sis...there will be hell to pay...and this is coming from an only child(thanks mom) :thumbup

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:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol those are gold.. :thumbup

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