Jump to content


Kimbo Slice


El Guapo
 Share

Recommended Posts

SUNRISE, Fla. ? The legend of Kimbo Slice was built by beating bums in boat yards and back alleys not far from here. It came crashing down Saturday courtesy of a quick punch from a pink-haired journeyman giving up two inches in height, four in reach and 30 pounds in muscle and might.

 

One simple shot sent Slice to the canvas and from there some guy named Seth Petruzelli needed just 12 punches and 14 seconds to put an end (we hope) to one of the great sporting charades of all time.

 

It was just a matter of time before Kimbo got exposed. He was little more than a character out of central casting, a bunch of addictive YouTube videos and a lot of insane hype by CBS, which made him a headliner before he made himself a fighter.

 

He was the Kimbo the Cash Machine, everyone lining up to exploit the lie that this was the baddest man on earth as long as he could walk through hand-picked tomato cans.

 

Only this time his match with 44-year-old Ken Shamrock, who hadn?t won a fight in over four years, fell apart when Shamrock cut his eye in a light training session Saturday and was deemed unfit to fight by state officials.

 

In the scramble to find a suitable replacement that Slice couldn?t possibly lose to, EliteXC considered Shamrock?s brother, Frank, who was there to be CBS?s color commentator, hadn?t fought lately due to a broken arm and would have given up around 45 pounds. Despite all this, Frank likely would have submitted Kimbo in the first round.

 

When that matchup couldn?t happen (EliteXC said state officials wouldn?t clear him, Frank said they did but CBS blocked it), EliteXC promoters turned to Petruzelli. The Fort Myers, Fla., native had been dumped by the big-league UFC, was just 2-2 since 2004, had recently taken a year off to start a business, weighed just 205 (to Kimbo?s 235) and was so lightly regarded he was competing in the non-televised undercard.

 

ADVERTISEMENT

 

Despite the oft-repeated propaganda that Slice was a man of ?courage? for taking a fight with this smaller guy who was likely to stand and trade punches anyway, EliteXC paid Kimbo a cash bonus just to get him to step into the cage.

 

?We made it up to him,? said Jeremy Lappen, EliteXC?s head of fight operations. He wouldn?t disclose the amount.

 

For the myth of Slice, the matchup may not be a 44-year-old on a losing streak or someone from the broadcast booth, but really, what was the worst thing that could happen?

 

?It didn?t feel too flush,? Petruzelli said of the first punch that apparently didn?t even need to land squarely to fell Kimbo.

 

Make no mistake ? or listen to the EliteXC spin ? this was a disaster for Slice and the company. ?This is MMA, all the best have lost,? said Lappen. True, but Kimbo wasn?t defeated by a crafty Brazilian jiu-jitsu master. He wasn?t caught in a submission by an experienced wrestler. He didn?t lose a decision after a three-round brawl.

 

Those would be understandable considering his novice status.

 

Kimbo was KTFO by a guy he absolutely towered over yet was willing to bang with him anyway. Not that Kimbo did any banging. Slice charged him (?He was like a truck,? Petruzelli said) but he never actually landed a punch.

 

In the end, Kimbo?s hand speed, defense and chin proved incapable against even an average mixed martial artist. Which was pretty much what every hardcore fan had predicted.

 

 

Not that CBS didn?t keep up with the Slice willing to fight, ?anyone, anywhere, at anytime.? This was a 100 percent true statement if ?anyone, anywhere, at anytime? means ?no one any good, anywhere, ever.?

 

Slice seemed stunned and a bit saddened at the turn of events. After it was over, he initially began wrestling the referee. Whether that was a protest for the decision or because he was dazed isn?t certain. Then he walked around the cage complaining to fans about the stoppage.

 

Later he walked out on his CBS interview (?Kimbo?? asked a stunned Gus Johnson), although not before inviting America to an after party at a local nightclub. Then he showed up 45 minutes late for the main press conference, where he gave a quick statement and bailed.

 

?I got my first black eye,? he laughed. He later turned to Petruzelli and joked, ?You knocked me out in front of my family; that?s (expletive) up.?

 

Through it all Slice remained the only likable character of this foolish farce. He wasn?t the one claiming he was the best in the world. He was just a working-class dude who figured out how to beat the system and cash in on his 15 minutes of fleeting fame.

 

He?s got kids to feed and bills to pay and right to the end, he was milking bonuses out of the promotion, a one-time homeless man holding the Tiffany Network?s prime-time programming hostage. Only in America.

 

He was the grand actor in the middle of a three-ring circus, a tall tale that would eventually come tumbling down under the bright glare of reality.

 

Where Slice goes from here is anyone?s guess. He can?t rebuild his reputation without stepping up in competition from the guy who just beat him in seconds. He can?t headline a card and have anyone believe he?s legit. He can?t claim he, ?just got caught? when it wasn?t some wild, roundhouse right or sneaky arm-bar that did him in.

 

The truth was always coming for Kimbo. Saturday it arrived sooner rather than later, the money train grinding to a halt courtesy of a smaller, less heralded fighter that no one can claim is some elite champion.

 

No, this was it. It?ll never be the same, not for the fighter and not, perhaps, for his entire promotion that just lost its signature star on top of the $58 million it?s burned the past two years.

 

Afterward, EliteXC execs tried to paint a bright future but admitted they needed a drink. Lower-level employees used gallows humor about finding new jobs.

 

Kimbo just said he was going home to see his kids.

 

In 14 seconds flat, the whole mirage was gone.

 

 

 

Finally the freak show is over....

Hopefully now the fighters that deserve some spotlight time will get it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I heard Kimbo was sighted working the drive-thru at BK today.

 

 

Kimbo made his millions and is smiling his way all the way to the bank. Dude was always a fraud, was never a professional fighter, but he had a look and a gimmick, and they tricked everyone into making millions of dollars.

 

I'm sure he has more money than anyone ripping on him today. I say good for him. :thumbup

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kimbos a total jackass! Stick to your street fighting dude..

 

What makes him a jackass?

 

his cockieness...

 

 

:lol he makes his money trying to beat people into submission. Should he be meek and humble? Find my fighter without cockyness and I'll show you a kid who routinely gets his ass beat.

 

They all have cockiness your right, but he flat out got his ass whooped and tries to come up with excuses... Put your cockiness aside and say you got beat (something u wouldnt have to do during his "street" fights

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kimbos a total jackass! Stick to your street fighting dude..

 

What makes him a jackass?

 

his cockieness...

 

 

:lol he makes his money trying to beat people into submission. Should he be meek and humble? Find my fighter without cockyness and I'll show you a kid who routinely gets his ass beat.

 

They all have cockiness your right, but he flat out got his ass whooped and tries to come up with excuses... Put your cockiness aside and say you got beat (something u wouldnt have to do during his "street" fights

 

 

Like I said though - Kimbo never really had any skills when it comes to true fighting, he is all about marketing. He can't come out now and just admit defeat and be humble, he needs to keep marketing himself and hope to fool some people into one or two more big paydays.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm glad and I hope this puts an end to a stupid "career" by a talentless dude who could throw a punch. He never stood a chance against anyone with any technique, not one 30 pounds lighter, not one 50 pounds lighter. put him in a ring with Anderson Silva and watch him scream like a baby. I'm sorry, I enjoyed Kimbo in youtube but I sure as hell hated him on the ring with professional fighters.

 

 

and yes, his future is in the WWE where he can go and pretend to wrestle with other pretenders

 

 

I would like to note that no way in hell would like I like to see Kimbo in a dark alley, I will give him that much

 

 

*shouldn't this technically be considered an other sports thread?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...