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Guest Juanky

By Guest Juanky
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Guest Juanky

Guest Juanky

Posted
Posted

Q: Why are wedding dresses white?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: All household appliances are.

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Bradcore All-Star

Bradcore

Posted
Posted

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

 

What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man? Answer: "Lazy."

 

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.

The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."

The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."

They then asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, f***, Etc."

 

The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

 

 

 

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

 

 

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for

when you're on the road.

 

 

#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he

will probably let you try it out a few times.

 

 

#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a

backup.

 

 

#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of

ammo.

 

 

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

 

 

#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

 

 

#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look

fat?"

 

 

#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you

use it.

 

 

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A

WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

 

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

 

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.

 

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

 

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

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Guest Juanky

Guest Juanky

Posted
Posted

Q: What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?

A: Einstein's dick

 

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: The kitchen was on the other side.

 

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

A: Nothing, you already told her twice.

 

Q: What are the three rings of marriage?

A: Engagment ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.

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Bradcore All-Star

Bradcore

Posted
Posted

I have a frog in the back

 

A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."

 

"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."

 

The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be

bothered by her husband that night.

 

She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.

 

"What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"

 

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?

 

 

Girl comes in for a Checkup

 

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

 

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

 

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

 

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

 

 

 

Marriage changes passion................suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

 

 

 

Tongue Twister

 

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.

 

He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"

 

So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one."

 

The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too."

"I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.''

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Dodge MVP

Dodge

Posted
Posted

Why can't women drive?

 

A: Because they're f***ing women, that's why.

 

PS I love women. THis does not reflect my opinions toward the opposite sex.

753191[/snapback]

 

I like this version better

 

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?

 

A: Because she's a f***ing woman

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Guest markotsay7

Guest markotsay7

Posted
Posted

Why don't women ski?

 

 

Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I really do respect women. They can be anything they want - the wife of a doctor, the wife of a lawyer, the wife of a politician...

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Flying_Mollusk All-Star

Flying_Mollusk

Posted
Posted

I apologize in advance for this one:

 

 

 

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.

 

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."

 

"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.

 

"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"

 

"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he also touched my breasts."

 

"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he took off my clothes."

 

"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."

 

"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

 

"Yes father," she says sometime later.

 

"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he has AIDS."

 

"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

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Michael World Champion

Michael

Posted
Posted

I apologize in advance for this one:

 

 

 

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.

 

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."

 

"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.

 

"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"

 

"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he also touched my breasts."

 

"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he took off my clothes."

 

"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."

 

"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

 

"Yes father," she says sometime later.

 

"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he has AIDS."

 

"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

754456[/snapback]

:lol

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Dan Marino Forever 13 Jumbo Shrimp

Dan Marino Forever 13

Posted
Posted

I apologize in advance for this one:

 

 

 

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.

 

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."

 

"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.

 

"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"

 

"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he also touched my breasts."

 

"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he took off my clothes."

 

"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."

 

"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

 

"Yes father," she says sometime later.

 

"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he has AIDS."

 

"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

754456[/snapback]

 

lol :wow

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floridafan13 Jumbo Shrimp

floridafan13

Posted
Posted

I apologize in advance for this one:

 

 

 

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.

 

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."

 

"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.

 

"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"

 

"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he also touched my breasts."

 

"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he took off my clothes."

 

"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."

 

"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

 

"Yes father," she says sometime later.

 

"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he has AIDS."

 

"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

754456[/snapback]

:lol :notworthy

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Jiggy Marlin

Jiggy

Posted
Posted

I apologize in advance for this one:

 

 

 

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.

 

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."

 

"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.

 

"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"

 

"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he also touched my breasts."

 

"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he took off my clothes."

 

"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."

 

"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

 

"Yes father," she says sometime later.

 

"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he has AIDS."

 

"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

754456[/snapback]

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :lol

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Beinfest4Prez MVP

Beinfest4Prez

Posted
Posted

I apologize in advance for this one:

 

 

 

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.

 

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."

 

"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.

 

"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"

 

"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he also touched my breasts."

 

"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he took off my clothes."

 

"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.

 

"Yes father."

 

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."

 

"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

 

"Yes father," she says sometime later.

 

"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

 

"But father, he has AIDS."

 

"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

754456[/snapback]

OMG! :lol :lol :lol :notworthy

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