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MLB All-A$$hole Team


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Manager - Billy Martin

 

Hired and fired by George Steinbrenner?s Yankees five times, Martin?s hard drinking and inability to relate to his players make him the perfect man to lead this squad. Among the offenses he was fired for, ordering pitchers to throw beanballs (Detroit), overusing young pitchers (Oakland) and my favorite, he got into a fistfight with a marshmallow salesman named Joseph Cooper (New York, 2 nd firing)

 

Lineup

 

Catcher - Tim McCarver

 

Tim McCarver ? I have no idea if he was an a**hole when he played, but in his career as a broadcaster he has solidified himself as the biggest jackass to ever watch a baseball game behind a microphone. He calls a game as if his audience is in grade school and somehow manages to sound boastful while telling self-deprecating stories about his playing abilities.

It was one of the true pleasures of my life when Deion Sanders doused McCarver with ice water after a World Series game and all he could come up with was to say, ?You?re a real man Deion, a real man.? Classic.

 

1B - Will Clark

 

Will Clark ? His nickname was ?Mr. Intensity.? As such, he was always the first to publicly call out a teammate he felt wasn?t giving 100 percent, a true a**hole trait. You know ?that guy? in your life, whether a co-worker, boss or family member, nobody likes a perfectionist that can?t understand why everyone else isn?t. For that, he gets the nod at first, edging out Dave Kingman.

 

2B - Pete Rose

 

While he is banished from baseball, he still gets a roster spot here. The godfather of the baseball card show, this a**hole personifies the word better than anyone on this list. The same qualities that made him a great player on the field made him and real f***head off it. It?s not the betting on baseball scandal so much as the circus he created after it. And seriously, look at this picture. You can?t defend this guy.

 

3B - Alex Rodriguez

 

Now infamous for ?the slap,? this rah-rah pep squad leader may be a hell of a hitter, but boy is he an a**hole. If the $25 million a year he banks for playing a kid?s game isn?t enough reason to hate him his fake-hustle attitude is. Don?t let his carefully polished media image fool you, this guy?s a real assbag.

 

SS - Admin Bowa

 

You know he?s a prick as a manager, but did you know that he never made his high school baseball team, latched onto a junior college team and then when a scout finally came out to see him play in a double-header, he got ejected from both games in the first inning? Who does that? An a**hole, that?s who.

 

LF - Barry Bonds

 

The name is synonymous with a**hole. He hates you, he hates me and he probably hates his kids, but man does this guy love himself. It?s Barry?s world, you?re just living in it. It?s a shame this a**hole is going to break Hank Aaron?s record.

 

CF - Ty Cobb

 

Spike-sharpening, high-sliding, sexist, racist, anti-Semite that claimed he once killed a man, Cobb was quite an a**hole. He also once went into the stands and savagely beat a man who had insulted him. Also, he thinks Ron Artest is a total p***y.

 

RF - Jose Canseco

 

An a**hole from beginning to end. His arrogance never subsided and the guy that adamantly denied steroid use when it would have cost him a suspension wrote a book about it when he was low on cash. Then he even offered to take a lie detector test to back up his steroid claims ? on Pay-Per-View. Unbelievable.

 

DH - Albert Belle

 

Went after a fan while playing college ball at LSU. Then while playing for the Cleveland Indians in 1990 he upped the ante by throwing a ball into the stands and hitting a fan in the chest. In 1995 he verbally assaulted NBC field reporter Hannah Storm as she waited to interview a teammate. Still, he wonders why the press is out to get him.

 

Rotation

 

Roger Clemens

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/rogerclemens.jpg

Where to begin? He threw anything he could find at Mike Piazza. He was ejected from his son?s little league game for arguing a call, then spitting sunflower seeds at the umpire. He retired from the Yankees only to resurface in Houston the next year. He doesn?t travel with his teammates if he doesn?t feel like it. He named his four boys Koby, Kory, Kasy and Kody because they all start with K. Oh, and he just got an $18 million salary in arbitration to stave off retirement one more year. A real prick, that guy.

 

Kevin Brown

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/kevinbrown.jpg

An unarmed toilet?s greatest fear, this temperamental porcelain smasher is an a**hole?s a**hole. A real well rounded jerk.

 

In 1999, Brown demanded a private jet on top of his $105 million contract with the Dodgers so he could see his backwards ass family in Macon, Georgia a few extra times a year. As things turned out, he f***ed up his back really bad on one of those in-season trips while lifting his son, a problem that still plagues him today. See, sometimes bad things do happen to bad people.

 

Also, if he thought he could get away with it, he?d kill you.

 

Juan Marichal

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/jaunMarichal.jpg

Don?t be fooled by his innocent looks. This guy slammed a baseball bat into the unhelmented head of Johnny Roseboro during a brawl, an act that is not only assholeish but barbaric. Still, this is the All-a**hole team and we like his fire. Pencil him in.

 

Don Drysdale

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/dondrysdale.jpg

Mickey Mantle once said, ?I hated to bat against Drysdale. After he hit you he'd come around, look at the bruise on your arm and say, ?Do you want me to sign it??? The fact is, if ol? Don were here today he?d be proud to be a part of the All-a**hole Team. What an a**hole.

 

Pedro Martinez

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/pedromartinez.jpg

It?s not that he throws inside. It?s not that he bitches in the media. It?s not even that he owns a midget. Think about your grandfather and look at this picture. Ass-hole.

 

The Pen

 

Rob Dibble

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/robdibble.jpg

Throw at a base runner, you make this list. It?s that simple. Also, he was quoted as saying, ?If I were Barry (Bonds), and I were that good, I'd be two-times the jerk people perceive him to be.? Seeing as how Bonds is the MVP of this team, Dibble further cements his spot in the bullpen. Besides, just look at this picture. It screams f***wad.

Only 41 years old, he retired ten years ago after a seven-year career. Most guys peak in their early-thirties, he petered out. That doesn?t make him an a**hole so much as it makes him a p***y.

 

John Rocker

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/johnrocker.jpg

Not smart enough to keep his racist, sexist and homophobic opinions to himself in the presence of a reporter, Rocker became famous for all the wrong reasons. Probably wouldn?t have made the cut on this team without his infamous SI interview, but a prick nonetheless. The fact that he later apologized makes him even more of an a**hole.

 

Tug McGraw

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/tugmcgraw.jpg

Deadbeat dad to one of country music?s biggest acts Tim McGraw, he finally came around once old Timmy hit the big time. While he is hardly the only absentee father in the Major Leagues, he?s the most high-profile and so he?s in our bullpen.

 

Owner

 

Marge Schott

http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/allasshole/schott.jpg

On this one we?ll just let ol? Marge speak for herself. These are actual quotes:

 

?I would never hire another n****r. I'd rather have a trained monkey working for me than a n****r.?

 

?I am not a racist.?

 

Referred to Dave Parker and Eric Davis as ?million-dollar n*****s?

 

?Only fruits wear earrings.?

Regarding Adolph Hitler: ?Everybody knows he was good at the beginning but he just went too far.?

 

Source

 

I found this downright hillarious and thought I'd share.

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Guest Fritz

I don't think Pedro should be on this list. I thought that ole'ing Zimmer was one of the funniest sports brawl things I've ever seen.

 

I would argue that Nomar would be a good fit after the whole, "Mia won't let me cut my hair" fiasco in 2003. If he cuts his hair, the Sox go to the World Series and probably beat the Marlins, but he had to display his whippedness.

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I'd consider putting the Schill in Pedro's spot, and I really don't think A-Rod should be on there for trying to get away with something in a huge game, but other than that, great list.

784751[/snapback]

 

I could agree with that.

784760[/snapback]

 

Yeah, what A-Rod did was a bit iffy, but the Yanks were choking and desperate, might as well try (and heck, he almost got away with it).

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I'd consider putting the Schill in Pedro's spot, and I really don't think A-Rod should be on there for trying to get away with something in a huge game, but other than that, great list.

784751[/snapback]

 

I could agree with that.

784760[/snapback]

 

Yeah, what A-Rod did was a bit iffy, but the Yanks were choking and desperate, might as well try (and heck, he almost got away with it).

784771[/snapback]

 

What ARod did was way overblown. If he wasn't on the Yankees, or especially playing the Sox, it would have been a dead issue within 48 hours.

 

They were losing, he was struggling and he made a stupid error in his judgment and tried to get away with something. He was caught and the correct call was made. End of story. It is not like he hurt someone or did something malicious. I don't see how throwing at a player isn't worse? "It's part of the game" is a BS excuse.

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don't forget that a-rod is loathed in seattle - after he went to texas, he was a spokesman to encourage boeing to leave seattle for texas as well. it's one thing to abandon your longtime fans for a lucrative contract - it's another to try to destroy the main pillar of the local economy after doing so.

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don't forget that a-rod is loathed in seattle - after he went to texas, he was a spokesman to encourage boeing to leave seattle for texas as well. it's one thing to abandon your longtime fans for a lucrative contract - it's another to try to destroy the main pillar of the local economy after doing so.

784802[/snapback]

 

Sure A-Rod has done some things that can be viewed in a negative light, but if he would have been traded to the Red Sox instead of the Yankees ,he would be viewed in a much less antagonistic way.

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I'd consider putting the Schill in Pedro's spot, and I really don't think A-Rod should be on there for trying to get away with something in a huge game, but other than that, great list.

784751[/snapback]

Can you go through a baseball related thread without bringing up Curt Schilling? Your obsession with him is disturbing.

 

I love how Craig gets such large testicles whenever one of his teams is playing well. Same thing happened during basketball season, Illinois was tops so he belittled all the fans of those whose teams were 'under' Illinois this year.

 

Last year when the White Sox were incredibly lame you were nowhere near the arrogant poster you are now and if the Sox tank this year I know we wont hear any peeps either.

 

You have already driven one member off this board, you might as well take out some more on your ego pumping war path.

 

As for A-Rod there is more than that one incident with him. He tries to look like the golden boy when in fact it has never been about his team or the fans, just about his legacy. You people do remember that A-Rod is still the 'captain' of the Rangers?

 

Read JackArmstrongs post again as well...it's dead on.

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I'd consider putting the Schill in Pedro's spot, and I really don't think A-Rod should be on there for trying to get away with something in a huge game, but other than that, great list.

784751[/snapback]

Can you go through a baseball related thread without bringing up Curt Schilling? Your obsession with him is disturbing.

 

I love how Craig gets such large testicles whenever one of his teams is playing well. Same thing happened during basketball season, Illinois was tops so he belittled all the fans of those whose teams were 'under' Illinois this year.

 

Last year when the White Sox were incredibly lame you were nowhere near the arrogant poster you are now and if the Sox tank this year I know we wont hear any peeps either.

 

You have already driven one member off this board, you might as well take out some more on your ego pumping war path.

 

As for A-Rod there is more than that one incident with him. He tries to look like the golden boy when in fact it has never been about his team or the fans, just about his legacy. You people do remember that A-Rod is still the 'captain' of the Rangers?

 

Read JackArmstrongs post again as well...it's dead on.

784946[/snapback]

 

I love how you go on a message board and rip everybody, thinking they care and it somehow depresses their lives.

 

If you don't like what people say, which you don't like what ANYBODY except Mark and a few others say here, leave. It's really pretty simple.

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I disagree with the Will Clark thing, replace him with Mark McGwire, or another first-baseman.

 

Also, the article mentions that John Rocker wouldn't have made the cut on the Braves if he hadn't done that article. Actually, he pitched like an All-Star until that incident, and his career slid slowly into the toilet after that.

 

Otherwise, I agree with all the other choices.

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You've never ripped anyone either. Get over yourself.

784953[/snapback]

 

I don't rip a lot of people really if you checked into it....I rip people if they have completely stupid opinions or are total jerk offs, and sadly your 2 for 2.

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You've never ripped anyone either. Get over yourself.

784953[/snapback]

 

I don't rip a lot of people really if you checked into it....I rip people if they have completely stupid opinions or are total jerk offs, and sadly your 2 for 2.

784975[/snapback]

If I was a White Sox and Illinois fan you wouldnt say anything to me.

 

And I know you'd want me to leave, because if I wasnt here, you could spout any old bulls*** you wanted with out anyone checking you.

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don't forget that a-rod is loathed in seattle - after he went to texas, he was a spokesman to encourage boeing to leave seattle for texas as well. it's one thing to abandon your longtime fans for a lucrative contract - it's another to try to destroy the main pillar of the local economy after doing so.

784802[/snapback]

 

 

I did not know that. That is pretty fishy if true.

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