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Little Vito


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A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence,

and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little



He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot."


The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your



Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three

women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the

sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the

top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice

cream. Which one is married?"


The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one

that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."


To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the

wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."




Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" in arithmetic.


"Why?" asks Little Vito's father?


"The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3?? I said '6," replies Little Vito.


"But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad.


"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2??


"What's the f***ing difference?" asks Little Vito's father.



"That's what I said!"





Little Vito goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today, we are going to

learn multi-syllable words, Class. Does anybody have an example of a

multi-syllable word?"


Little Vito says, "Mas-tur-bate."


Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Little Vito, that's a mouthful."


Little Vito says, "No, Miss Rogers. You're thinking of a blow-job."





Little Vito was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to

go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"


The teacher replied, "Now, VITO, that is NOT the proper word to use in

this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use

the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."


Little Vito, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you


had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"





One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show

of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same

sentence twice correctly.


First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought

my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it"


"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher She then called on little

Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out



She said, "Excellent! , Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on

Little Vito. He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my

father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just f***ing






Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after

another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to

him, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will

give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."


Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."


The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"


Little Vito answered, "No He minded his own f***ing business

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