August 23, 200619 yr this is a little old by funny as hell NEW YORK?With a week to go before pitchers and catchers report for spring training, the New York Yankees shored up their pitching, hitting, and defense Monday by signing every player in professional baseball. Some of the New York Yankees' newest additions are introduced to the press. "We'd like to welcome the entire roster of Major League Baseball into the Yankees family," said team owner George Steinbrenner, watching as the franchise's 928 newest additions held up their pinstripes at a Yankee Stadium press conference. "With these acquisitions, we are in position to finally nab that elusive 27th World Series title." Sports reporters were not surprised by the move. "This is not entirely unexpected," New York Times baseball writer Murray Chass said. "When the Yankees followed up their signing of Japanese slugger Hideki 'Godzilla' Matsui by annexing Cuba for use as a Triple-A farm club, it was clear that Steinbrenner was willing to do whatever it takes to win." By noon, Yankees GM Brian Cashman had signed the entire National League and most of the American League to multi-year contracts. Some 10 hours later, the final opposing player, Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez, had been acquired by the Yankees, who bought out the remainder of his $252 million contract for $300 million. "It's an honor to be part of this team," said catcher Benito Santiago, picked up from the San Francisco Giants as insurance in case catchers Jorge Posada, Ivan Rodriguez, and Mike Piazza all go down with injuries. "It's a surprise, certainly, but I'd be crazy to turn down the opportunity to play on what is, by default, the greatest team in baseball." Yankees manager Joe Torre, whose pitching rotation, prior to the mass signing, lacked a clear seventh ace, now has the luxury of starting each of his hurlers twice a season. "As they say, you can never have enough pitching in this league," Torre said. "Especially come playoff time. Now, if we make it to the World Series, we'll be able to start Pedro Martinez in Game 1 and still have him fresh and ready to go for a Game 287, should it be necessary." With so many egos to juggle and so many personnel decisions to make, Torre said his job will actually be harder this season, the lack of opposing players notwithstanding. "Hey, I don't care who you've got on your team; winning in this league is tough?Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Randy Johnson or no Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Randy Johnson," Torre said. "And it's even tougher in New York. This is a baseball town, and some of these fans think the Yankees are the only team in baseball. Now that we truly are, the pressure to win will be that much greater." The mass signing, extravagant even by Yankees standards, caused the Bronx Bombers' payroll to skyrocket from a former league high of $149 million to $5.6 billion. Cashman noted that much of that figure is tied up in bonuses to be paid out to pitcher Tom Glavine, who at 37 will almost certainly not play out the entirety of his 15-year contract. Baseball commissioner Bud Selig approved the signing, noting that the other 29 major-league teams received ample financial compensation. "I see no reason why a small-market team like the Twins or Expos can't continue to remain competitive, just because it lacks players," Selig said. "The league was due for contraction, anyway."
August 24, 200619 yr This is about 4 years old. And it's just as dumb now as it was then. Glavine 37 ?? and why would the yankees sign Sosa? yeah this article is old
August 24, 200619 yr Sounds like a 5 year old wrote that article. It's probably funny to 5 year olds too. :thumbdown :thumbdown :thumbdown :thumbdown :thumbdown :thumbdown
August 24, 200619 yr Sounds like a 5 year old wrote that article. It's probably funny to 5 year olds too. :thumbdown :thumbdown :thumbdown :thumbdown :thumbdown :thumbdown lighten up. it's a joke. it's hypothetical if you haven't noticed.
August 24, 200619 yr The best part of this old onion artlicle is the picture..cant leave out the picture: Funny that two of those five actually end up being signed by the Yankees.
August 24, 200619 yr The best part of this old onion artlicle is the picture..cant leave out the picture: Funny that two of those five actually end up being signed by the Yankees. Why is Barry Bonds staring at A-rod :mischief
August 25, 200619 yr The best part of this old onion artlicle is the picture..cant leave out the picture: Funny that two of those five actually end up being signed by the Yankees. Why is Barry Bonds staring at A-rod :mischief He's not :plain
August 25, 200619 yr I don't think that pic was originally from the onion article... i thought i was lame then, and now it's even lamer because it's old
August 26, 200619 yr The best part of this old onion artlicle is the picture..cant leave out the picture: Funny that two of those five actually end up being signed by the Yankees. Why is Barry Bonds staring at A-rod :mischief He's not :plain :lol
August 26, 200619 yr Since this was posted from an anti Yankee fan, it's not that funny. It's expected for somebody like you to post this old garbage.
August 29, 200619 yr Author the sad thing is this will really happen in about 2 years Since this was posted from an anti Yankee fan, it's not that funny. It's expected for somebody like you to post this old garbage. huh i'm not a "anti yankee fan" as you out it i'm a american and as every normal american i hate the yankees
August 29, 200619 yr I've been starting to root for the Yankees over the past few years just because I'm annoyed by all these mindless hating just because they're the best franchise in sports...the hatred is pretty much jealousy
August 29, 200619 yr hmmmmmm i'm not much of a Yankee fan either but i don't hate them by any stretch.
August 29, 200619 yr The best part of this old onion artlicle is the picture..cant leave out the picture: Funny that two of those five actually end up being signed by the Yankees. Actually none of them were 'signed', they were traded for.
August 30, 200619 yr I've been starting to root for the Yankees over the past few years just because I'm annoyed by all these mindless hating just because they're the best franchise in sports...the hatred is pretty much jealousy :blink: So a baseball team who wins more than anyone else is as bad as a group that commited genocide on various groups and was responsible for the deaths of millions?
August 30, 200619 yr I've been starting to root for the Yankees over the past few years just because I'm annoyed by all these mindless hating just because they're the best franchise in sports...the hatred is pretty much jealousy You deserve to be banned for stupidity.
August 30, 200619 yr Author I've been starting to root for the Yankees over the past few years just because I'm annoyed by all these mindless hating just because they're the best franchise in sports...the hatred is pretty much jealousy :blink: So a baseball team who wins more than anyone else is as bad as a group that commited genocide on various groups and was responsible for the deaths of millions? the yankees have commited genocide on baseball and are responsible for the deaths of millions of real baseball fans souls
August 30, 200619 yr I've been starting to root for the Yankees over the past few years just because I'm annoyed by all these mindless hating just because they're the best franchise in sports...the hatred is pretty much jealousy :blink: So a baseball team who wins more than anyone else is as bad as a group that commited genocide on various groups and was responsible for the deaths of millions? the yankees have commited genocide on baseball and are responsible for the deaths of millions of real baseball fans souls you're a moron...explain how...because they win a lot? Without the Yankees, there wouldn't be Major League Baseball
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