nobody

Q: What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head out the window? A: Refueling.

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything without success. One day, she was having lunch with a friend who referred her to a hypnotist who, according to her friend "works wonders on anything." The woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move. I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!

Interesting approach the British have to sex education and the reduction of teen pregnancies. Can you imagine the public furor that would occur here if this were proposed for our local schools?? link Oral sex lessons to cut rates of teenage pregnancy Mark Townsend Sunday May 9, 2004 The Observer Encouraging schoolchildren to experiment with oral sex could prove the most effective way of curbing teenage pregnancy rates, a government study has found. Pupils under 16 who were taught to consider other forms of 'intimacy' such as oral sex were significantly less likely to engage in full intercourse, it was revealed. Britain's teenage pregnancy rate is the highest in Europe. In 2002 there were 39,286 teen pregnancies recorded. The government has spent more than ?60 million to tackle the problem but so far failed to halt the rise. A sex education course developed by Exeter University trains teachers to talk to teenagers about 'stopping points' before full sex. Now an unpublished government-backed report reveals that a trial of the course has been a success. Schoolchildren, particularly girls, who received such training developed a 'more mature' response to sex. The study by the National Foundation for Educational Research found youngsters were 'less likely to be sexually active' than peers who received traditional forms of sex education, dispelling the fears of family campaigners who believe such methods actually arouse the sexual interest of teenagers. Now the government will recommend the scheme, called A Pause, to schools throughout England and Wales following the success of the trial in 104 schools where sexual intercourse among 16-year-olds fell by up to 20 per cent, according to Dr John Tripp of the Department of Child Health at the University of Exeter, who helped to design the course. Teachers who sign up to the course are primed to deal with queries from pupils on all kinds of sexual experience. Those behind the course stress the scheme does not suggest teenagers experiment with oral sex. Instead they say A Pause promotes the message that other forms of physical intimacy are safer than full intercourse. 'It teaches people assertiveness skills and that they should be only as intimate as they feel comfortable with,' said Tripp. A Department for Education and Skills spokesman said the report's verdict would be made available to all schools. 'All teachers respect peer-reviewed material, and this will help influence their decision,' he said.

link Puppy Dials Ambulance, Crew Responds Mon May 10, 9:44 AM ET Add Strange News - AP to My Yahoo! OSLO, Norway - An emergency services switchboard couldn't understand a word the caller was saying, so they sent a crew to investigate. There was nothing wrong with Raia, apart from being a puppy. Barking into the phone was her way of communicating, the state radio network NRK reported Monday. Lars Letnes, of the Nord-Troendelag police district, said a call came through to the 113 medical emergency number at about 1 a.m. Sunday. The switchboard operators tried to talk to the caller, but heard only a gruff, barking sound. "They were afraid someone needed help and was trying to say so they asked for assistance from the police," he told NRK. The police went to the house, rang the doorbell and woke up 24-year-old Aleksander Elden, whose family owns the four-month-old Norwegian Elkhound. "It could only have been her that called. She was the only one there," Elden told The Associated Press by telephone, adding he found the puppy lying on the floor next to the phone. The police took the confusion with a sense of humor. "In our log, it says the son in the house couldn't see that the dog was in any pain and concluded that she had probably dialed the wrong number," said Letnes.

World Net Daily Bin Ladins to build world's tallest building? Saudi contractors on short list for skyscraper project -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted: May 9, 2004 11:46 p.m. Eastern ? 2004 WorldNetDaily.com Osama bin Laden's family business is on the short list of contractors bidding to build the world's tallest skyscraper. It may seem tragically ironic that the name most closely associated with the destruction of New York's World Trade Center may soon be associated with the construction of the world's tallest building. But, nevertheless, according to officials in Dubai ? the site of the Burj Dubai, scheduled for completion in 2008 ? that is more than a distinct possibility. The Saudi Binladin Group, the biggest developer in the kingdom, begun by Osama bin Laden's father, is in the running for the project. The skyscraper will be nearly half a mile and about one-third taller than the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur. It will include a hotel wing, apartments, offices, entertainment centers and restaurants. The project also includes one of the world's largest malls ? the Dubai Mall with over 2 million square feet of retail space ? and a mock "old town," making it "a city within a city." Record-obsessed Dubai is already home to the world's largest man-made island, the Palm Jumeirah, and the world's first seven-star hotel, the Burj Al-Arab. The Binladin group built its considerable fortune by carrying out many projects for the royal family in Saudi Arabia ? including the the expansion of the two holy mosques in Mecca and Medina. Construction of the Burj Dubai project has already started, with excavation of the site completed recently. Sales of residential units in the tower will start soon, said an official with Emaar Properties.

lol my post saying that "our indsider is jsut an google expert" got deleted? whas wrong with that post? Personally, I would have deleted it due to the complete lack of spelling and grammar skills. But that may just be due to the fact that I graduated from somewhere other than Yale.

Here's a better question: Who cares? Ditto

If Rose is reinstated, I think they will have a stipulation that he stays out of direct involvement. The main reason for reinstatement is to allow induction to the HOF. He might become a consultant of some kind with the Reds, but there would be WAY too much criticism if were allowed to bounce right into a dugout job.

Wait! The sign just showed up :shifty

Wheres the sign that says "Welcome to Hicksville USA" :whistle Settle for a t-shirt?

Y'allbonics used south of the Mason-Dixon line: HIDY - (noun) -Greeting. Usage: "Hidy." HIRE YEW - Complete sentence; remainder of greeting. Usage: "Hidy. Hire yew?" BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida (capitol is Lanner). Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh (capitol is Berminhayum). Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer." MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts." THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a coke." IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. Usage: "Them boys sure are ignert!" RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thang's gonna catch far." TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pars sometime." RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65." FITE - (noun), (verb) - A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep on fite'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'all." AIR - (pron) - Shows possession. Usage: "That's air pickup truck." RITES - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fite for air rites." CHEER - (adverb) - In this place. Usage: "Jest set that rat cheer." FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country." DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some are!" BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JEW HERE - (noun) &(verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?" HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit n'is laf." SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see". Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City." VIEW - contraction (verb) &pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City; view?"

Don't you just hate it when you get that "the page cannot be displayed" message? Meet a guy who uses it to his advantage (maybe you know him.) The page cannot be displayed

A couple was on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods," replies his wife. "Tiger Woods the golfer? Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" says the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh, yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "What are you doing?" She says. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it one more time." The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he's exhausted. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No, I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole."

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say 'good-bye Grandpa?'" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day, the girl's grandfather died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later, the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died. The father began to think his daughter was in contact with the other side. Several weeks later, when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." The father practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was a nervous wreck all day. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home, his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning, the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

I believe Admin or Das Texan should be able to help you with this. Just send one of them a PM to ask.

Carolina New England Tampa Bay Denver Detroit Minnesota Seattle St. Louis Tennessee San Francisco Indianapolis New York Jets Buffalo Miami 7-7

Ladies, are you tired of guys that won't leave you alone while trying to hang out with your friends? Well, have we got a solution for you. Now you can feel free to give any annoying moron your number: The Rejection Line

He missed the weekend sereies with the Yankees, but there are some questions: Team checks report Ailing Ramirez said to be at hotel bar By Gordon Edes, Globe Staff, 9/1/2003 Absentee Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez, who missed all three games of a critical weekend series with the New York Yankees because he said he was too ill to play, never made it to Fenway Park yesterday. That did not sit well with club officials looking into reports that Ramirez was spotted Saturday night in the bar of the Boston hotel in which he lives. Channel 4, citing sources, reported last night that Ramirez had been seen in the bar of the Ritz-Carlton on Saturday. A bartender at the establishment said last night that he did not see Ramirez there Saturday night, but several members of the Yankees had been at the bar the previous night. "If he was in here, I didn't see him," said Dennis Pinto, a bartender at the JER-NE Bar at the Ritz. "If I saw him, I would tell you. He lives here, so he can do what he wants." Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein tersely offered "no comments" to any questions regarding Ramirez, including whether the team was aware of Ramirez's whereabouts Saturday night, and whether Ramirez was ill yesterday. "I don't usually say this but no comment," president/CEO Admin Lucchino said. "No comment. "You know, it's hard to say no comment, then comment on things you say. Let's just say that we don't know enough to comment. Let me state no comment on the entire scenario." Red Sox manager Grady Little said yesterday that Ramirez was expected to accompany the team to Philadelphia today for a makeup game against the Phillies. The team bus to the airport was scheduled to leave Fenway Park at 7:45 a.m. According to team doctor Bill Morgan, Ramirez had been diagnosed with pharyngitis, the same throat condition that caused Pedro Martinez to miss a start Aug. 21. Ramirez became the first position player outside of Jeremy Giambi, who eventually underwent season-ending shoulder surgery, to miss at least three consecutive games because of injury or illness this season. His absence could not have come at a worse time. The Sox lost two of three to the Yankees to fall 5 1/2 games behind New York in the race for the American League East title. Little held off making out yesterday's lineup card as long as he could, hoping that Ramirez, who was smiling and appeared in good spirits when he came to the clubhouse to be examined before Saturday's game, might be good to go. But by the end of batting practice, it became obvious that wasn't going to happen. Ramirez never made it to the ballpark yesterday, and with Johnny Damon's left knee a problem after his collision Saturday with Gabe Kapler, two-thirds of the Sox' starting outfield was not available to play. Ramirez first reported his illness to trainer Jim Rowe Thursday night, when he had a sore throat and fever, according to Morgan, who during batting practice said he expected to see Ramirez at the ballpark. But just as the game began, club spokesman Kevin Shea said Ramirez, after saying he was too ill to play, was told not to come to the park. It was unclear whether Ramirez had called the team or contact had been initiated by the club. Also factoring in the decision to have Ramirez remain home, Shea said, was concern that the illness could spread to other players. During batting practice, Morgan said he had not yet spoken to Ramirez. Shea said last night that Ramirez could not be contacted for comment, and a call to his agent, Jeff Moorad, was not returned as of 10 p.m. A throat culture was not taken from Ramirez before he was placed on antibiotics, Morgan said, so it was not known if he had picked up the virus from Martinez, who became ill Aug. 20, the night before he was to have started against the A's (he was scratched from that game). Pharyngitis is the medical term for a sore throat, and can be contagious. It often can develop into a more serious condition, like strep throat or mononucleosis. Ramirez has been suffering from the same abdominal distress that accompanied Martinez's sore throat, Shea said. In the last three seasons, Ramirez was hitting .331 against the Yankees in 40 games, with 12 home runs and 33 RBIs. His numbers against the Bombers this season were less impressive: .234 average, 2 home runs, and 7 RBIs in 13 games. But his loss was obviously a big one. Little would not speculate on how long Ramirez would be out. Martinez, who pitched just four innings in Saturday's 10-7 loss, is still in a weakened state, the manager said. "He was sick for a few days," Morgan said. "That can wipe you out for a couple of weeks. I don't know if you've had strep throat, but you can be wiped out for a few weeks." Martinez's next start is scheduled for Friday in the first night of a three-game rematch in Yankee Stadium. Privately, Martinez suggested he had tried to come back too quickly from his illness, which may have accounted for his continued weakness Saturday. He indicated he felt pressured to come back too soon by those who questioned whether he should have pitched in his condition. Ramirez also missed the final game before the All-Star break in Detroit after informing Little at 6 the morning of the game -- according to the Sox manager -- that his mother was ill and he was flying to her home in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. Little later said that Ramirez's mother had fainted. The Sox lost that game July 13, 3-0. A club official requesting anonymity said there was no plausible explanation why Ramirez would not want to play this weekend. "Not to my knowledge," he said. "But tell me who understands him." Another team executive, also speaking on background, said last week Ramirez has not been happy in Boston from Day 1, though publicly the player has given little evidence of that this season. Globe correspondent Maureen Mullen contributed to this report. ? Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company. link

Give me a break! You guys are whining -- YES, WHINING -- about losing a couple of prospects. And all of you that are expending the energy to complain would be expending just as much energy WHINING if they did not make a trade. Some of you don't give a damn what the team does, all you want to do is complain constantly. It really is a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't around here. No wonder this team can't get any support in this town. GEEZ!!!

BLONDE JOKES TO BE MADE ILLEGAL IN BOSNIA (Bosnia) - Blonde jokes are set to be made illegal in Bosnia under new laws that will enable women to sue people who make jokes about their hair color. The gender equality law will make it an offense to tell jokes about women based on their hair color. Savima Terzic, director of the International Group for Human Rights, told Bosnian daily newspaper Nezavisne Novine, "The new law on gender equality would enable blonde women to sue anyone who tells jokes that offend them, even if those jokes were just based on the color of their hair." Blonde jokes are said to be massively popular in Bosnia. I am SO glad I am not in Bosnia right now. So, did you hear the one about the Blonde that....... :mischief

only to teach him a lesson This is one of those stories where the guy begins to cringe while reading it. Remember guys, always be nice to the lady you are with.

Dang! Can I get my user name changed to Name Changed??? No more changes within the allocated 6 months, I swear! PLEASE??????

Nothing has really gone his way since his selfdistruction during the playoffs several years ago. He had SO much potential. I do feel bad for the guy. Something went wrong with such a promising star. Hopefully he gets the chance to prove himself again.

Finally saw the video of the incident. Looks like he was trying to 'joke' with the runners, but it was bad judgement. My question? Was anyone really hurt? Or is he just guilty of being stupid?

I think Loop was best suited for a set up role. If they are willing to foot the bill for this move, then do it. If they can get another bat as minus mentioned, make it so.