Showering Tips For Men And Women

 

 

 

 

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

 

Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

 

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

 

If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

 

Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain

and whine even more about getting fat.

 

Get in shower.

 

Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

 

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

 

Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

 

Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.

 

Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

 

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

 

Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

 

Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all come off).

 

Shave armpits and legs.

 

Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

 

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you lose the water pressure.

 

Turn off shower.

 

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.

 

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

 

Get out of shower.

 

Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.

 

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

 

Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit.

 

Attack with nails/tweezers if found.

 

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

 

If you see husband along the way, cover up exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend

an hour and a half getting dressed.

 

 

 

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

 

Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile.

 

Walk naked to the bathroom.

 

If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her and make "woo"sound.

 

Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no).

 

Admire package in the mirror, scratch "privates" and smell fingers for one last whiff.

 

Get in the shower.

 

Don't bother to look for washcloth (you don't use one).

 

Wash face, then armpits.

 

Crack up at how loud fart sounds in the shower. Wash privates and surrounding area.

 

Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.

 

Shampoo hair (do not use conditioner).

 

Make a shampoo Mohawk.

 

Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

 

Pee (in the shower).

 

Rinse off and get out of the shower.

 

Fail to notice water on floor because you left curtain hanging out of tub the whole time.

Partially dry off.

 

Look at self in the mirror, flex muscles.

 

Admire package again.

 

Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on floor.

 

Leave bathroom fan and light on.

 

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

 

If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your package, and go "Yeah baby" and

thrust your pelvis at her.

 

Throw wet towel on the bed.

 

Take 2 minutes to get dressed

Pee (in the shower).

623303[/snapback]

 

Psh, I do that at 4 in the morning when I need to take a leak. Why miss the toilet, just let it go in the shower, it'll find the drain.

 

:plain

that thing is SO OLD!

yet oh so funny!!!!!!!1

see, men know how to do it.

Pee (in the shower).

623303[/snapback]

 

Psh, I do that at 4 in the morning when I need to take a leak. Why miss the toilet, just let it go in the shower, it'll find the drain.

 

:plain

623320[/snapback]

 

That's disgusting.

 

 

Anyway, I read this a long time ago and thought it was hilarious. It's still funny the second time around. :thumbup

:shifty

what guy DOESNT pee in the shower?

 

I'm guessing it's the same type people who are afraid to pee outside.

You men are weird.

You men are weird.

624393[/snapback]

duh!

what guy DOESNT pee in the shower?

 

I'm guessing it's the same type people who are afraid to pee outside.

624366[/snapback]

 

not really, i havent taken a leak in the shower since i was 8 or 9 but i still go behind a bush or something to take a leak if i have to.

 

 

quick relative story: this man once decided to take a leak in an alley once and a cop caught him. :lol

Pee (in the shower).

623303[/snapback]

 

Psh, I do that at 4 in the morning when I need to take a leak. Why miss the toilet, just let it go in the shower, it'll find the drain.

 

:plain

623320[/snapback]

I've been there before.

what guy DOESNT pee in the shower?

 

I'm guessing it's the same type people who are afraid to pee outside.

624366[/snapback]

 

not really, i havent taken a leak in the shower since i was 8 or 9 but i still go behind a bush or something to take a leak if i have to.

 

 

quick relative story: this man once decided to take a leak in an alley once and a cop caught him. :lol

624514[/snapback]

that's happened to me....more than once...fortunately most cops have no chance of catching me on foot. Not like it matters. It's just peeing. Heck, I've taken a dump in a parking lot before.

what guy DOESNT pee in the shower?

 

I'm guessing it's the same type people who are afraid to pee outside.

624366[/snapback]

 

not really, i havent taken a leak in the shower since i was 8 or 9 but i still go behind a bush or something to take a leak if i have to.

 

 

quick relative story: this man once decided to take a leak in an alley once and a cop caught him. :lol

624514[/snapback]

that's happened to me....more than once...fortunately most cops have no chance of catching me on foot. Not like it matters. It's just peeing. Heck, I've taken a dump in a parking lot before.

624937[/snapback]

We've heard that story, buddy.

I had to pee so bad after the UF-FSU game I went in the corner of the parking garage.

 

A campus cop walked up to my friend who was about 5 feet away from me and said "good game tonight guys..."

what guy DOESNT pee in the shower?

 

I'm guessing it's the same type people who are afraid to pee outside.

624366[/snapback]

 

not really, i havent taken a leak in the shower since i was 8 or 9 but i still go behind a bush or something to take a leak if i have to.

 

 

quick relative story: this man once decided to take a leak in an alley once and a cop caught him. :lol

624514[/snapback]

that's happened to me....more than once...fortunately most cops have no chance of catching me on foot. Not like it matters. It's just peeing. Heck, I've taken a dump in a parking lot before.

624937[/snapback]

 

:blink:

 

I pee in the shower, and I drop deuces in lakes... it comes out clean.

what guy DOESNT pee in the shower?

 

I'm guessing it's the same type people who are afraid to pee outside.

624366[/snapback]

 

not really, i havent taken a leak in the shower since i was 8 or 9 but i still go behind a bush or something to take a leak if i have to.

 

 

quick relative story: this man once decided to take a leak in an alley once and a cop caught him. :lol

624514[/snapback]

that's happened to me....more than once...fortunately most cops have no chance of catching me on foot. Not like it matters. It's just peeing. Heck, I've taken a dump in a parking lot before.

624937[/snapback]

 

Actually, flashing, mooning, pissing in public, ect. can all get you registered as a sex offender believe it or not...

 

:confused